There’s a huge impact on boys who grow up without a healthy male role model in their lives.

This impact often manifests itself in certain behaviors these men display as adults. They’ve had to navigate the challenges of life without a guiding figure to help them.

Growing up without a positive male role model doesn’t mean these men are destined for failure, though. It simply means they may approach situations differently, or develop unique coping mechanisms.

In the following article, we’ll unpack 8 behaviors, shedding light on how the absence of a healthy role model can shape a man’s life.

So, buckle up and let’s dive into these telltale signs and behaviors.

1) Overcompensating

This is a common reaction to the lack of a healthy role model.

Men who didn’t have a positive male figure during their formative years often feel like they missed out on certain life skills or emotional development. This can lead to behaviors of overcompensation in adulthood.

Consider this: A boy observes and learns from his father, brother, or any other significant male figure. If that figure is absent, the boy may grow up feeling less equipped to navigate the world as a man. In an attempt to ‘catch up’ or prove himself, he might overcompensate.

This could translate into aggressive behavior, an excessive need to prove masculinity, or an overwhelming desire to succeed at any cost.

They’re not ‘bad’ men; they’re just trying to fill a void left by the absence of a role model. 

2) Difficulty expressing emotions

I’ve seen this play out firsthand.

Growing up, one of my closest friends lacked a male figure in his life. As we navigated through our teens and into adulthood, I noticed he had a hard time expressing his emotions.

In moments of conflict or high stress, he would often shut down or deflect, unable to articulate his feelings. It was as if he had never been taught that it was okay for men to express emotions, to be vulnerable.

At times, it caused rifts in his relationships and friendships. It wasn’t that he didn’t care; he just didn’t know how to express it.

This behavior is common amongst men who didn’t have a healthy role model around during their growing years. They often struggle to show their emotions, primarily because they never had a role model who demonstrated that emotional vulnerability is not just acceptable but also essential for healthy relationships.

3) Challenges with intimacy

Having a healthy role model during childhood can often shape how one approaches relationships and intimacy in adulthood.

For men who have grown up without such a figure, developing intimate relationships can be a challenge. They may struggle to trust, open up, or commit due to a lack of understanding or fear of vulnerability.

This could lead to a pattern of short-lived relationships, difficulty maintaining long-term bonds, or even avoidance of intimacy altogether.

It’s important to note that these behaviors are not inherent flaws, but likely the result of not having had a model to learn from during their formative years. With awareness and effort, these patterns can be recognized and addressed.

4) Inability to handle criticism

Imagine navigating life without someone to guide you through the ups and downs, to teach you how to accept criticism and grow from it. This is the reality for men who grew up without a positive role model.

They often struggle with accepting criticism. It can feel personal, like a direct attack on their self-worth, rather than constructive feedback. This may lead to defensive reactions, lashing out, or completely shutting down when faced with criticism.

This difficulty is seldom about arrogance or stubbornness. It’s more about the fear of not being good enough, a fear that has its roots in their childhood.

5) Fear of becoming a role model themselves

One of the most heartfelt struggles I’ve seen is the fear these men have of becoming a role model themselves.

Having grown up without a healthy role model, they might fear that they won’t be able to provide the guidance and support that a child, or even a younger colleague or friend, might need from them. This fear can hold them back from stepping into roles where they could make a significant positive impact.

But it’s important to keep in mind that everyone has the potential to grow and learn. No one is born knowing how to be a good role model – it’s something we learn through experience, introspection, and even our mistakes.

And for these men, their unique experiences might just make them the perfect role models for others who are facing similar struggles.

6) Difficulty in decision-making

Faced with choices, some men who grew up without a healthy role model can find decision-making incredibly challenging.

The absence of a guide or mentor during their formative years could mean that they never fully developed the confidence or skills necessary for making decisions. This can lead to feelings of anxiety, second-guessing, and often, procrastination.

Without the reassurance that it’s okay to make mistakes and learn from them, these individuals might prefer to avoid making decisions altogether.

7) Yearning for approval

A deep-seated yearning for approval can often be found in men who grew up without a healthy male role model. This longing isn’t about seeking attention or validation superficially, but a profound need to feel accepted and valued.

This desire can stem from the lack of affirmation they might have missed growing up. They may constantly strive to prove themselves worthy, frequently going above and beyond in hopes of gaining the approval they crave.

While this drive can lead to success in certain areas, it can also result in feelings of inadequacy and constant self-doubt.

8) Overdependence on partners

Men who grow up without a healthy male role model may find themselves leaning heavily on their partners in adulthood. This isn’t about dependency in a traditional sense – like relying on a partner for emotional support, which is perfectly healthy.

Instead, this overdependence often stems from a deep-seated fear of abandonment. Because they didn’t have a consistent male figure in their lives, they might worry that other important people will also leave.

This can result in clingy behavior, constant need for reassurance, and even controlling tendencies. It’s crucial to recognize these patterns and address them in order to foster healthy, balanced relationships.

At the heart of it: Empathy and understanding

The complexities of human behavior, especially those influenced by early life experiences, are profound and deeply rooted in our psychological fabric.

Growing up without a healthy male role model leaves a significant imprint on a man’s life. However, these impacts are not destinies. They are parts of their journey, components of their identity that can be understood, acknowledged, and addressed.

At the end of the day, it’s about empathy and understanding. Recognizing these behaviors is not labeling or stigmatizing these men, but offering a perspective that can foster compassion.

Remember, each person’s story is unique. And while we can’t change someone’s past, we can certainly contribute to their present and future through understanding, support, and empathy.