My dad always told me, “A strong man never shows his pain.”

But here’s the rub.

Beneath the iron-clad exterior of many men, there might be a storm brewing. Unexpressed emotions, untold stories, hidden anxieties – they might just be stuffing it all away under the mask of strength and resilience.

Now, you might be wondering, “How can we tell if they are unhappy underneath all that strength?”

Well, there are certain tell-tale behaviors that can tip us off.

So, if you’re curious to know what these signs might be or if you’re a man who’s been feeling a little off-kilter lately, stay tuned.

We’re about to dive into the seven most common behaviors displayed by men who are strong on the surface but unhappy underneath – often without even realizing it.

1) They avoid emotional discussions

Let’s kick things off with this one.

Ever tried having a heart-to-heart with a man and found him quickly steering the conversation towards lighter, less emotionally charged topics?

Well, you’re not alone.

Men who appear strong on the outside but are struggling within often tend to avoid emotional discussions. It could be because they fear showing vulnerability or just aren’t comfortable expressing their feelings – and that’s okay.

But here’s the catch.

This reluctance to talk about emotions can sometimes make them seem distant or detached, even when they’re just trying to put up a brave front.

It’s a common behavior, but one that can also be a hidden cry for help. So, next time you notice this, take a moment to offer some genuine support – it might just mean the world to them.

2) They’re always busy

This one hits close to home.

My best friend, let’s call him John, was always the go-to guy for everyone.

Need help moving? John’s your man. Car broke down? Call John. Need a shoulder to cry on? John’s there.

Despite having a demanding job, he was always busy helping others, hardly ever taking a moment for himself. I admired his strength and selflessness – until I realized what was really going on.

John was using constant activity as a shield, a way to distract himself from his inner turmoil. By always being occupied, he didn’t have to face the unhappiness brewing inside him.

If you know a man who’s always on the go and rarely takes time for himself, it could be a sign that he’s battling inner demons and using busyness as an escape.

Don’t hesitate to check in on him – sometimes, even strong men need a helping hand.

3) They hide behind humor

Laughter is the best medicine, they say, but sometimes it’s also a mask.

Take my cousin, for instance.

He’s the life of every party, always ready with a joke or a funny story. He has this infectious laugh that makes you forget all your worries – at least for a moment.

But once the laughter dies down and the crowd disperses, I’ve seen him retreat into himself, his smile fading away as quickly as it appeared.

It’s like he’s playing a role, using humor as a shield to hide his true feelings.

It’s heartbreaking to see, but it’s also a stark reminder that not everything is as it seems.

So, if you know someone who’s always making others laugh but rarely shares his own emotional journey, take a closer look. Behind that cheerful facade might be a man fighting unseen battles.

4) They’re overly critical of themselves

Criticism is a double-edged sword. It can motivate us to improve, but when it’s self-inflicted and constant, it can be a sign of deeper issues.

I’ve seen men who are strong on the surface but harbor a harsh inner critic.

They’re the first ones to laugh at their own mistakes, but behind closed doors, they berate themselves for the same errors, holding themselves to impossibly high standards.

These men are often their own worst enemies, punishing themselves for every stumble and setback. This relentless self-criticism can be exhausting and is often a sign of unhappiness lurking beneath the strong exterior.

So, if a man in your life frequently puts himself down or struggles with self-forgiveness, it might be time to step in and offer some reassurance.

5) They struggle to ask for help

Did you know that according to the American Psychological Association, men are less likely than women to seek help for depression or substance abuse?

This rings true in my experience as well.

I’ve noticed that the men who appear the strongest on the surface often find it the hardest to ask for help. It’s as if they feel their strength will be undermined if they admit they need support.

This unwillingness to reach out can be a sign of underlying unhappiness or stress.

They might be dealing with emotional pain but choose to shoulder it alone, keeping their struggle hidden beneath a tough exterior.

Next time you notice a man in your life who seems like he could use some support, don’t wait for him to ask for it – extend a helping hand. You never know just how much it could mean to him.

6) They isolate themselves

We all need some alone time, but when it becomes a pattern, it’s worth paying attention to.

I remember the summer when my brother, usually the social butterfly, started spending more and more time alone. He’d retreat to his room for hours, always with an excuse about needing to get some work done.

But I could see it wasn’t about work. It was his way of dealing with the turmoil inside him without burdening anyone else. He was trying to protect us from his pain.

It’s a behavior I’ve seen in many strong men who are unhappy underneath.

They isolate themselves, thinking it’s for the best. But in reality, it only amplifies their struggles.

So if you notice a man in your life isolating himself more than usual, gently remind him that he’s not alone. That it’s okay to share his burden with those who care about him. 

7) They have mood swings

Everyone has ups and downs, but drastic and frequent mood swings can be a sign of underlying unhappiness.

A man who seems strong and confident one moment might suddenly become quiet, reserved, or even irritable. These seemingly unexplained changes in behavior could be his way of dealing with inner turmoil.

Remember, it’s not always easy to spot these signs, and it’s even harder for the person experiencing them to acknowledge them.

But understanding these behaviors can be the first step in offering support and showing them that it’s okay to not be okay all the time.

Final thoughts

If you or someone you know reflects these behaviors, it’s essential to understand that strength isn’t about battling life’s storms alone. It’s about acknowledging the storm and seeking shelter when needed.

Take it one day at a time. Start by acknowledging your feelings, then slowly work on expressing them.

Talk to someone you trust, write in a journal, or seek professional help if need be.

Each step you take towards understanding and expressing your emotions is a victory in itself.