Trust isn’t something that is granted automatically. It is built over time, one brick after another, one concrete proof at a time.

And yet far too many people fall for the lies of men who are dishonest and untrustworthy.

Why is that?

Well, there are, of course, plenty of reasons, one being the fact that we often want to give the other person the benefit of the doubt and keep hoping that everything will eventually be okay.

Another reason is emotional manipulation. It can do wonders for men who are all about pretense and secrets.

But worry not – there is a way out of this maze. Without further ado, here are the 7 subtle behaviors of dishonest and untrustworthy men.

Stay on guard.

1) They portray themselves as men of mystery

 You know how the story goes.

He has a dark past he’d rather not talk about. He wants to live in the here and now – with you. He is honest, but only to the extent that it’s convenient.

No matter how much you try to get to know him, there is always something about him that remains a mystery, one large question mark floating above his head, a riddle that cannot be solved because he won’t divulge the hows and whys.

And for a while, it may even be intriguing. Attractive. Thrilling.

But as time goes on, you slowly but surely realize that this man isn’t going to slowly unveil himself to you.

No, he’s actually quite comfortable with how things are going right now, and he isn’t planning to change that – even if you ask him to.

Look, mystery is fun and games at the beginning of any relationship. But it doesn’t sustain it in the long run.

You know what does?

Trust. Honesty. Consistency. Connection.

None of which exactly thrive where “men of mystery” are concerned.

2) They make everything into a joke

You know those men who can’t have a serious conversation because they just joke around until you give up?

Yeah, those.

Well, they’re not necessarily liars. They might be so scared of conflict that they don’t even want to get into a serious discussion. They might feel uncomfortable expressing their true feelings. They may also just not think about things all that deeply.

But there is also the possibility that they use humor to cover up the fact that they don’t want to be truthful.

If you’re joking around, no one can really distinguish between truth and funny lies, which gives you an incredible advantage in any conversation – you can keep your cards close to your chest without getting into an argument.

It’s the perfect avoidance technique when you think about it. The more masterfully you toe the line between lie and humor, the higher your chances of remaining a mystery.

And if people don’t laugh, well, then they just don’t have your sense of humor.

See what I mean?

3) They don’t fully trust other people

Ah, projection. A subtle – and often subconscious – manipulation technique that can help us catch a man of secrets and lies.

I know a guy – let’s call him Jack – who has spent most of his life cheating, getting away with stuff, and screwing people over (yes, it’s safe to say Jack and I aren’t exactly friends).

One of the most interesting things about Jack is that he doesn’t trust anyone.

If he gets a new friend, he automatically tries to figure out what they want from him. If he dates a new woman, he thinks she must be cheating if she doesn’t reply to his messages within half an hour.

At every corner, he projects his own lying and cheating behavior onto others. Since he’s spent his whole life wrapped up in lies and mind games, he doesn’t believe there are people out there in the world who have genuinely good intentions.

He sees the world through his own subjective lens, and the way he acts is exactly what he expects from other people.

What he doesn’t realize is that his inability to trust others reveals him for who he is. It screams, “Hey! I intend to screw you over, which is why I don’t trust you to play fair, either!”

Remember: a man who expects everyone to be dishonest and untrustworthy may very well be – yep, that’s right – dishonest and untrustworthy.

4) They don’t follow through on their promises

Another behavior to watch out for is unreliability.

Unreliability is sometimes portrayed as a negative yet cute trait – if someone always shows up late, their clothes in disarray, you might think they simply struggle to keep track of time and exist in their own universe.

What’s more, we tend to be quite forgiving when people make vague promises about the future and then don’t follow through.

We’re way too used to meaningless phrases such as, “Yeah, let’s get dinner sometime,” or “I’ll message you and we can organize something!”

But if you’re not careful, your tolerance for unreliability may increase until you realize that the man you’re in love with hasn’t stuck to a single promise he’s given you, and each time, you blame it on his being “busy” or “forgetful.”

A trustworthy and reliable man is going to keep his word. End of story.

If he wants to prioritize you, he will. If he wants to respect your time and energy, he will. And if he wants to be a stable rock you can lean on…

Do I even have to say it?

5) They only ever portray themselves in a positive light

Here comes a big one.

Nobody’s perfect. I’ve known this ever since Hannah Montana taught me it at the age of eight. 

But this doesn’t stop dishonest men from pretending otherwise – and that’s a chink in their armor. A chink we can use to our own advantage if we dare look at it.

I once dated a guy who would only ever talk about his positive traits. When I asked him about some of the possibly negative aspects of his personality, he’d brush it under the carpet, too afraid it would reflect poorly on him.

He was never honest about his past mistakes. He refused to show me his darker side for months on end. He kept secrets and thought that the best way to cover it all up was to present a perfect front to the world.

It was to convince me he was my prince charming.

Well, guess what?

He was far from that, and what’s more, I knew that his inability to be genuinely vulnerable was a red flag.

A man who is unwilling to admit his faults, weaknesses, and regrets is a man who isn’t ready to lay himself bare.

6) They don’t like to take accountability for their actions and apologize

Everything we’ve discussed above begs the question, “Why do these men lie and pretend in the first place? Why aren’t they just honest?”

A lack of accountability (amongst other reasons) might play a huge role here.

If a man doesn’t want to admit to his mistakes, what is he to do?

He’ll deny it. He’ll create excuses or wrap certain truths in lies. He’ll shift the blame.

He’ll try everything and anything just so that he doesn’t have to put his hand up and say, “You’re right, I’m wrong. I made a mistake and I apologize. It won’t happen again.”

The last sentence is key here. If a man apologizes, it means he admits he’s aware of his wrongdoings and therefore can’t keep walking down the same path and feign ignorance.

He has to change. He has to put the work in. He has to stop doing something that he may be fond of doing.

And that’s not easy. It requires determination, work, and a great deal of love for the other person.

Oh, and that brings us to the last point…

7) They aren’t very empathetic

People who are highly empathetic tend to treat others in the same way they want to be treated: with kindness.

Since they are so in tune with the emotional universe around them, they can easily sync in with others’ feelings, build strong connections founded on respect, and strive to be honest – even if it’s inconvenient.

In other words, they play fair.

If someone lacks empathy to a large degree, though…

That’s where things start to go south. Since their view of the world is limited to what they want and how they feel, they may be more likely to manipulate, lie, and put on pretense.

For them, the best outcome isn’t the one that helps you build a stronger connection with the other person and keeps both parties happy. It’s the one that benefits them the most.

Therefore, beware of dishonest and untrustworthy men. They most likely aren’t ready to hold your heart without breaking it.

There are plenty of other men who are, though.