We humans are not “lone wolves,” no matter how much some of us like to tell ourselves we are. Sure, some folks are more independent than others, but we all need people; we always have.

According to some experts like historian and author Yuval Noah Harari, our ability to socialize in larger groups is one of the reasons we have been able to progress so much. 

And science backs up the importance of people in our lives, too. For over 80 years, in the longest study ever on the topic, Harvard researchers have been studying what makes people healthy and happy. What would you say is the best predictor of happiness?

You guessed it: our relationships. 

And loneliness, to put it frankly, is a killer. Am I being dramatic? 

I don’t think so. Here’s what US Surgeon General Dr. Vivek H. Murthy said about it: “The mortality impact of being socially disconnected is similar to that caused by smoking up to 15 cigarettes a day.”

But why am I telling you all this?

Because today, we are facing a loneliness crisis, and it is hitting men particularly hard. A 2019 poll revealed that  20% of men had no close friends – twice as many as women. A 2021 survey found that this figure is rising; in fact, it has risen five-fold since 1995. 

Looking at these figures, we all likely know at least a few men who have no close friends. 

They might be men you care about, men you love even. And the worst part? You may not know it; we men, more often than not, keep our emotions close to our chest. 

But there are signs. While a man might not directly say he is lonely, there is a good chance he will act out in some way. 

Today, we get into five ways. If you want to help the men you care about in your life, these are definitely ones to watch out for. 

1) They bury themselves in work

This one hits close to home. 

During a particularly lonely phase in my twenties, I did what many men do: I immersed myself in work. I was in a constant routine of working, eating (and not very well), sleeping, and little else. 

I told myself I was being productive and building for the future, but the reality was I was using work as a shield, a way to avoid confronting the emptiness that echoed through my life. 

My weeks became a blur of 60-hour work marathons, leaving me more drained than fulfilled, both physically and mentally. 

This isn’t just my story. Lyra Health has also pointed out that dealing with loneliness through excessive work is common.

So many of us delude ourselves into thinking that if we’re busy, we’re fine, wrapping our self-worth around our productivity.

For those who take pride in their independence, this trap is particularly alluring. We convince ourselves that we can outrun our need for meaningful connections and that the void inside can be filled with accomplishments. 

But the truth is, no amount of work can substitute the warmth of genuine human interaction.

The point is overworking can mask a deeper issue of loneliness. Watch out for it in the men you care for. 

2) They turn to substances

You probably guessed this one was coming. 

But it’s not just some cliché; research has shown that there is a link between loneliness and alcohol or marijuana use. When faced with the emotional void and discomfort of loneliness, substances can provide a temporary escape or numbing effect. 

This unhealthy coping mechanism may start innocuously, with a few drinks to unwind after a long day or a means to alleviate stress and anxiety. However,  it can quickly spiral into a pattern of substance abuse and addiction. 

Worse yet, as noted by American Addiction Centers, “addiction can contribute to feelings of loneliness.”

Basically, the cycle of substance use and isolation can become self-perpetuating as men withdraw further from social circles and support systems, leaving them even more vulnerable to the allure of substances as a means of coping.

It’s crucial to recognize this link between loneliness and substance abuse in men and to address the underlying issues of social disconnection and emotional well-being. 

Providing support systems, fostering healthy coping mechanisms, and encouraging them to seek professional help can help break this destructive pattern and promote a path toward healing and reconnection.

3) They buy things to feel better

Do you know a man who seems to have an endless appetite for the latest gadgets, a flashy car, or designer clothes? 

It might be more than just a love for the finer things in life.

It could very well be a form of compensatory consumption – when individuals use material possessions to fill a psychological void, particularly the need to belong and feel valued.

This can also become a vicious cycle, as the temporary high provided by a new purchase quickly fades, leaving them feeling just as empty as before. The pursuit of material goods then becomes an endless chase, with each acquisition providing only a fleeting distraction from the underlying issue of loneliness.

Excessive materialism can also lead to financial strain, as the desire for more and more possessions can outpace one’s financial means. This can create additional stress and further isolate individuals from their social circles, deepening the cycle of loneliness.

Encouraging the men you care for to find fulfillment in experiences, relationships, and personal growth rather than in material possessions can help break this cycle and promote a more balanced and emotionally fulfilling life.

4) They are overly critical and negative

“Lonely people may perceive the world as a less kind, more negative place due to experiences of rejection”

– The British Psychological Society

When men lack meaningful social connections and support systems, they may develop a cynical outlook on life, relationships, and the world around them.

This negative mindset can become a self-fulfilling prophecy, pushing others away and further isolating the individual. Constant criticism, pessimism, and a general lack of positivity can make it challenging for others to connect with them on a deeper level, perpetuating the cycle of loneliness.

Moreover, this negative attitude can extend to how they perceive themselves. 

Lonely men may engage in excessive self-criticism, dwelling on perceived flaws or shortcomings that they believe contribute to their inability to form meaningful connections.

This negative self-talk can further erode their self-confidence and self-worth, making it even harder to put themselves out there and build relationships.

Support from counseling, support groups, or trusted friends and family members can help them break free from this negative mindset and cultivate a more positive outlook on life and relationships.

Additionally, promoting self-care practices, such as mindfulness, exercise, or engaging in hobbies, can help men develop a healthier perspective and find joy in the present moment rather than dwelling on past disappointments or future anxieties.

5) They retreat to social media instead of real interactions

While social media offers the illusion of connection, research suggests more time spent on social media results in, you guessed it, more feelings of loneliness. 

Specifically, one study found that young adults who engaged with social media for extended periods, exceeding two hours daily, were twice as likely to experience loneliness compared to those who limit their social media usage to 30 minutes or less. 

Like substance abuse, this is a pretty dangerous one as the effects are twofold. While people turn to social media when they are lonely, perhaps in search of connection, researchers have noted that overusing social media makes people lonely!

For men already grappling with loneliness, this digital escape can become a double-edged sword, offering temporary solace but ultimately deepening the sense of isolation. 

Like other signs on this list, recognizing the role of social media in the loneliness epidemic is crucial, and guiding those affected toward more meaningful forms of engagement and connection can help mitigate its impact.

The bottom line 

That’s it from me, folks. 

I realize this topic doesn’t make for happy reading, but as always, I hope it provided you with some value. 

Until next time.