I used to think that if I did everything “right” as a parent—set rules, offered guidance, and provided for my kids—they’d naturally stay close to me as they grew older.

But as it turns out, maintaining a strong parent-child bond isn’t just about what you do—it’s also about what you avoid doing.

Even with the best intentions, certain parenting habits can create emotional distance over time. And the tricky part? Some of these missteps seem harmless—or even helpful—on the surface.

If you want your kids to feel connected to you well into adulthood, it’s worth taking a closer look at these seven common parenting mistakes. Experts say steering clear of them can make all the difference.

1) Expecting respect without showing it in return

It’s easy to assume that because you’re the parent, your child should respect you automatically. But respect isn’t something that comes from authority alone—it’s built through mutual understanding and trust.

If kids feel like their opinions, feelings, or boundaries are constantly dismissed, they may start pulling away. Over time, this can create a disconnect that lasts well into adulthood.

Instead of demanding respect, model it. Listen when they speak, acknowledge their emotions, and show them the same kindness and consideration you’d want in return.

When kids feel valued and heard, they’re more likely to keep that connection strong as they grow.

2) Brushing off their feelings because ‘it’s not a big deal’

I used to think I was helping when I told my kids, “It’s not that bad” or “You’ll be fine” whenever they were upset. In my mind, I was trying to reassure them—to help them see that whatever was bothering them wasn’t worth stressing over.

But one day, my daughter looked at me and said, “Mom, just because it’s not a big deal to you doesn’t mean it’s not a big deal to me.” That hit me hard.

Dismissing a child’s emotions, even with good intentions, can make them feel unheard. And when kids feel like their feelings don’t matter, they stop sharing them.

Now, instead of minimizing their emotions, I try to acknowledge them. A simple “That sounds really frustrating” or “I can see why that upset you” goes a long way in keeping communication open—and strengthening our bond over time.

3) Letting your pride get in the way of saying ‘I’m sorry’

I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve messed up as a parent. Snapping when I was stressed. Assuming I knew what was best without really listening. Overreacting to something small.

For a long time, I avoided apologizing. Not because I didn’t feel bad, but because I thought admitting fault would make me seem weak—or worse, like I wasn’t in control.

But here’s the truth: refusing to apologize doesn’t make you a stronger parent. It just teaches your kids that mistakes are something to hide, rather than own up to.

The first time I looked my child in the eye and said, “I’m sorry for how I handled that. I should have listened better,” something shifted. Instead of pulling away, they softened. They trusted me more.

Apologizing doesn’t mean you’re giving up authority—it means you’re showing your kids how to take responsibility, repair relationships, and treat others with respect. And if you want them to stay close as they grow older, that matters more than being “right.”

4) Controlling their choices instead of guiding them

It’s tempting to step in and make decisions for your kids—after all, you have more life experience, and you just want what’s best for them.

But constantly controlling their choices, even with good intentions, can backfire. Instead of feeling supported, they may feel suffocated. And when kids don’t have the space to make their own decisions, they either start rebelling—or they stop sharing their thoughts with you altogether.

I’ve had to learn to take a step back. Instead of saying, “Do this because I said so,” I ask, “What do you think is the best choice here?” Instead of shutting down ideas I disagree with, I help them think through the possible outcomes.

The goal isn’t to control them—it’s to prepare them. Because one day, they’ll be making big decisions without me, and I want them to trust themselves and trust that they can always come to me.

5) Making everything about fixing the problem

When my son came to me upset about a friend ignoring him at school, my first instinct was to jump in with solutions. “Maybe he was just having a bad day,” I said. “You should try talking to him tomorrow.”

But instead of feeling better, my son just sighed and mumbled, “Never mind.”

That’s when I realized—he didn’t come to me for advice. He came to me to be heard.

Research shows that when kids feel emotionally supported, they develop stronger resilience and self-esteem. But if every conversation turns into a problem-solving session, they may start looking elsewhere for comfort—or stop opening up altogether.

Now, when my kids share something that’s bothering them, I pause before offering solutions. That small shift has made a huge difference in how often they come to me—and how close we feel.

6) Expecting them to open up on your schedule

I used to get frustrated when my kids wouldn’t tell me what was on their minds. I’d ask, “How was your day?” and get nothing but a shrug. I’d push a little more—“Anything you want to talk about?”—and they’d shake their heads.

But then, hours later, just as I was about to turn off the lights for bed, they’d suddenly start spilling everything.

That’s when I realized—kids don’t always open up when we want them to. They open up when they feel safe, when the moment feels right for them.

So now, instead of forcing conversations on my timeline, I try to just be there. I sit with them while they do homework. I go on drives with no agenda. I let quiet moments happen without pressure.

And more often than not, that’s when they start talking—when they know I’m not just asking out of habit, but because I’m truly ready to listen.

7) Forgetting that your presence matters more than your perfection

It’s easy to get caught up in trying to be the perfect parent—saying the right things, making the right choices, never messing up.

But kids don’t need perfection. They need you.

They need to know that no matter what happens, you’ll be there. That even on the hard days, even when mistakes are made, your love doesn’t waver.

The little moments—the late-night talks, the laughter over dinner, the times you simply sit beside them—those are what they’ll remember.

And those are what will keep them close, even as they grow.

The bottom line

Parenting isn’t about getting everything right—it’s about showing up, again and again, with love and intention.

Kids don’t drift away because of a single mistake. It’s the repeated moments—feeling unheard, unseen, or controlled—that create distance over time. But the good news is, connection can always be rebuilt.

Start by noticing the small things. The way you respond when they open up. The times you listen without judgment. The moments you choose presence over perfection.

And when you mess up (because you will), own it. Apologize. Try again.

Because at the end of the day, what matters most isn’t being a flawless parent—it’s being a constant one.