9 things a narcissist will do when you call them out on their behavior

Isabella Chase by Isabella Chase | January 17, 2025, 11:48 am

Dealing with a narcissist — it’s a complex and often emotionally draining situation.

They’re not just individuals who love to talk about themselves, it goes far beyond that.

They can be manipulative, lack empathy, and have a profound need for admiration.

But what happens when you call them out on their behavior?

As someone who has dealt with this firsthand, let me tell you, it’s not easy to predict their reactions.

The good news is, psychology has identified some common responses narcissists exhibit when they’re confronted.

In this article, I’m going to share 9 of these reactions with you. My hope is that it helps you better navigate interactions with the narcissists in your life.

1) They deny their behavior

Enter the world of a narcissist, and you’ll find a landscape filled with denial.

The first thing they’ll typically do when confronted? Deny any wrongdoing.

This is not just stubbornness or evasiveness. It’s a key part of the narcissistic personality.

They construct a self-image so idealized that any hint of criticism becomes an existential threat.

When you call them out, their immediate reaction is to dismiss your concerns outright. They might even turn it around and accuse you of misunderstanding or overreacting.

This denial serves a dual purpose. First, it protects their inflated ego. Second, it plants seeds of doubt in your mind.

You start to question your own judgment, and that’s exactly what the narcissist wants.

If you’ve experienced this type of reaction from someone when bringing up their problematic behavior, you’re likely dealing with a narcissist.

2) They play the victim

Ever heard of the term “playing the victim“? It’s a classic move in the narcissist’s playbook.

Essentially, it’s when someone manipulates others into sympathizing with them, often diverting attention away from their own wrongdoings.

When a narcissist is called out on their behavior, they’ll often use this tactic. Suddenly, they’re not the one at fault, they’re the one being unfairly targeted.

Sounds familiar? That’s because it’s a common tactic.

They might paint a picture of themselves as the misunderstood hero or the innocent victim of your unreasonable demands. The aim is to make you feel guilty and question your decision to confront them.

And here’s the kicker: they’re often so good at playing the victim, you might even find yourself apologizing to them.

This switch from offender to victim is a telltale sign you’re dealing with a narcissist.

3) They engage in gaslighting

Now, this tactic might seem like a contradiction to the previous point, but it’s another strategy narcissists often use: gaslighting.

While playing the victim is about gaining sympathy, gaslighting is about making you question your perception of reality.

Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation where a person makes someone else doubt their own sanity, judgement or memories.

When you call out a narcissist, they may start by twisting the narrative, denying facts, or outright lying about incidents to discredit your viewpoint.

“You’re being too sensitive,” “You’re imagining things,” “That never happened,” they might say.

The goal? To make you feel unstable and more likely to succumb to their version of events.

4) They launch a counterattack

Ever tried to address an issue with someone only to end up as the one being scrutinized?

When a narcissist feels threatened, they might resort to launching a counterattack.

Instead of acknowledging their behavior and discussing it, they’ll start pointing out your flaws. It’s a classic deflection technique – shift the focus from themselves to you.

Suddenly, the conversation is no longer about their actions. It’s about your supposed shortcomings or past mistakes.

This counterattack is a strategy to derail the conversation and avoid taking responsibility for their actions.

So, if you find yourself on the defensive after trying to address someone else’s behavior, you might be dealing with a narcissist.

5) They give you the silent treatment

The silent treatment is another weapon in the narcissist’s arsenal.

When you call them out, they might respond by cutting off communication. This can take different forms:

  • Ignoring your calls and messages
  • Avoiding you in person
  • Refusing to engage in conversation

This is not a mature response to criticism. It’s a form of punishment – a way for them to regain control over the situation.

The silent treatment can be deeply hurtful. It’s designed to make you feel rejected, anxious, and desperate to reconcile – even if that means overlooking their behavior.

6) They resort to flattery

Now, this might seem counterintuitive, but let me assure you, it’s a common maneuver. Narcissists often resort to flattery when they’re called out.

Let’s face it, we all enjoy a little praise now and then. It’s human nature. And narcissists are adept at using this to their advantage.

Instead of addressing the issue you’ve raised, they might start showering you with compliments. Suddenly, you’re the most understanding friend they’ve ever had, or the most patient partner in the world.

Their goal? To distract you and shift the conversation away from their behavior.

But don’t be fooled. Their flattery isn’t genuine admiration – it’s a tool to manipulate the situation.

When compliments start flowing right after you’ve confronted someone about their actions, be aware. It might be a narcissist trying to steer the conversation away from their behavior.

7) They promise to change

Imagine this: you’ve finally mustered the courage to confront the narcissist in your life about their behavior. They listen, nod, and then promise to change. It feels like a breakthrough, right?

But here’s the catch. While it’s normal for people to promise to improve after being confronted with their faults, with narcissists, it’s often just a tactic.

They might say things like “I didn’t realize I was hurting you, I’ll do better,” or “I’ll change, just give me another chance.”

These promises might seem sincere at the moment. But do their actions match their words in the long run? Or do they revert back to their old ways once the dust has settled?

Promising to change can be a way for narcissists to regain control and avoid immediate consequences. But without consistent effort and actual behavioral changes, these promises are empty words.

So next time when someone quickly promises to change after you point out their problematic behavior, ask yourself: is it a genuine commitment or just another manipulation tactic?

8) They cut you off

Now, this is a tough one. When confronted, some narcissists may decide to cut ties completely.

I remember a friend who, after years of putting up with her narcissistic partner’s disregard for her feelings, finally decided to confront him. Instead of addressing the issues, he ended the relationship abruptly, leaving her feeling confused and devastated.

This is an extreme reaction, but it’s not uncommon among narcissists. If they feel they’re losing control or their image is threatened, they might choose to discard the person who’s confronting them.

It’s a classic case of “if I can’t win, I’ll change the game.”

This abrupt severing of ties can be incredibly painful. But remember, it’s not a reflection of your worth or your actions. It’s a testament to their inability to handle criticism and maintain healthy relationships.

9) They never truly accept responsibility

Finally, the most important thing to understand when dealing with a narcissist is this: they rarely, if ever, truly accept responsibility for their actions.

They may use all the tactics we’ve discussed – denial, playing the victim, gaslighting, counterattacks, silent treatment, flattery, false promises of change, and even cutting ties – but they seldom genuinely acknowledge their behavior and its impact on others.

Why? Because accepting responsibility would mean admitting flaws, and that’s something a narcissist finds incredibly difficult due to their inflated self-image.

What can you do when dealing with a narcissist?

It’s important to remember that while it can be challenging to deal with a narcissist, you’re not powerless. Here are a few strategies that might help:

  • Set clear boundaries
  • Maintain your self-esteem
  • Seek support

Dealing with a narcissist can be a draining experience.

But understanding their possible reactions when confronted can help you navigate these difficult situations. It’s vital to protect your mental health and remember that their behavior is a reflection of their personality disorder, not a commentary on your worth.

As we come to the end of this exploration, take some time to reflect on your experiences.

Have you encountered these reactions in someone close to you? How did it make you feel? And most importantly, how can you use this knowledge to better manage interactions with narcissists in the future?