If someone bends over backwards for you, they’re a people-pleaser. If someone’s always saying yes, they’re likely sacrificing their own needs.

That’s the basic drill in the people-pleasing game.

But, just like human emotions, this is a complex and tricky concept. In reality, it’s a detrimental behavior that we should aim to change.

Luckily, there are 8 particular habits that when kicked to the curb can help break free from this toxic cycle.

Welcome to the art of not caring: 8 unhealthy people-pleasing habits to say goodbye to once and for all.

1) Constantly saying yes

We’ve all been there.

Someone asks you for a favor, and even though you’re swamped, you can’t bring yourself to say no. You take on more than you can handle, and your own needs get tossed to the side.

But here’s the thing. When you’re always saying yes, you’re habitually ignoring your own boundaries. You’re playing the people-pleaser, and trust me, it’s a tough role to hold on to.

This behavior seems like the path of least resistance at first glance. It’s easier to just agree and avoid conflict, right?

Well, not quite. Over time, always saying yes can lead to burnout, resentment, and even mental health issues.

If you catch yourself always nodding along, it’s time to learn the art of not caring. It’s time to prioritize your own needs and learn that it’s okay to say no.

After all, your wellbeing matters too.

2) Feeling responsible for others’ feelings

It was a normal day at work.

My colleague seemed upset. I knew he was dealing with a lot of pressure from our boss and I immediately felt responsible. I spent the entire day trying to cheer him up, ignoring my own tasks, my own stress.

Sound familiar?

When you’re a people-pleaser, you often feel responsible for others’ emotions. You believe that it’s your duty to fix their problems, to make them happy.

But here’s the harsh truth: you can’t control how others feel. Only they can do that.

I learned this the hard way.

After that day at work, I realized that feeling responsible for others’ emotions was exhausting and unfair to myself. I was neglecting my own needs and feelings in the process.

It’s crucial to understand that it’s not your job to manage everyone else’s emotions. You’re not their therapist or their personal cheerleader.

Remember, it’s okay to prioritize your own emotional wellbeing. It’s not selfish, it’s necessary.

3) Avoiding conflict at all costs

Did you know that the human brain perceives social rejection almost the same way it perceives physical pain?

That’s right. And it’s exactly why we tend to avoid conflict like the plague. We’re wired to seek approval, to fit in.

As a people-pleaser, you might find yourself always agreeing, always avoiding disagreements, just to keep the peace. You hide your true opinions and feelings, all in the name of dodging potential conflict.

But here’s the kicker – conflict isn’t inherently bad. In fact, healthy conflict can lead to growth and stronger relationships. It’s a chance for honesty, understanding, and resolution.

Next time you find yourself biting your tongue or nodding along just to avoid a little disagreement, remember: it’s okay to have differing opinions.

It’s okay to stand up for yourself. And it’s definitely okay to engage in healthy conflict.

4) Seeking validation from others

Posting that perfect photo on social media, waiting eagerly for the likes and comments to roll in. Sound familiar?

In today’s world, it’s easy to seek validation from others. We often measure our worth based on how others perceive us.

As a people-pleaser, you might find yourself constantly seeking approval from those around you. You make decisions based on what you think will make others happy or what will make you look ‘good’ in their eyes.

However, this can lead to a cycle of self-doubt and low self-esteem. You start relying on others to feel good about yourself.

Your worth is not determined by how many likes your photo gets or how many compliments you receive. It’s about being comfortable with who you are and making decisions that align with your own values and beliefs.

5) Over-apologizing

“I’m sorry” – two words I’ve uttered more times than I can count.

Whether I was truly at fault, or just felt like I was inconveniencing someone, those words always seemed to slip out. But over time, I realized this was just another people-pleasing habit.

Over-apologizing can seem harmless, almost polite. But when you’re constantly saying sorry for things that aren’t your fault or don’t require an apology, you’re undermining your self-confidence and letting others take advantage of you.

I had to learn that not every situation required me to apologize. And it wasn’t easy. But once I did, I felt a newfound sense of self-assurance and respect for myself.

Now if you find yourself constantly apologizing, take a step back. Evaluate whether an apology is really necessary.

Standing your ground doesn’t make you rude or selfish – it makes you confident and assertive.

6) Believing saying ‘no’ is selfish

Saying no can feel like you’re letting someone down, like you’re being selfish. But here’s a different way to look at it.

When you say yes to everything, you’re actually saying no to yourself. Every time you agree to something that you don’t want to do, or you don’t have the capacity for, you’re denying your own needs and desires.

In reality, saying no is a form of self-care. It’s an acknowledgement of your limits and a commitment to maintaining your own wellbeing.

So next time you’re tempted to say yes just to please someone else, pause. Consider your own needs first. Remember, saying no isn’t selfish – it’s necessary.

7) Giving advice when not asked

Ever found yourself offering advice or solutions when someone simply wanted to vent?

As a people-pleaser, you might feel the need to fix everything, even when all that’s required is a listening ear. You jump into problem-solving mode, when sometimes, empathy and understanding are what’s truly needed.

While your intentions may be good, not everyone is looking for advice. Sometimes, people just want to feel heard and validated in their feelings.

As someone opens up to you about a problem, resist the urge to immediately offer solutions. Instead, listen actively and provide emotional support. It’s okay not to have all the answers.

8) Ignoring your own needs

Here’s the most crucial point to remember: your needs matter.

As a people-pleaser, you might put everyone else’s needs before your own. You sacrifice your time, energy, and sometimes even your happiness, all in the name of making others happy.

But neglecting your own needs can lead to burnout, resentment, and a loss of identity. You can’t pour from an empty cup.

It’s not just okay to prioritize your own needs – it’s essential. You deserve the same care and consideration that you give to others.

Embracing the art of not caring

If you’ve made it this far, I hope you’ve come to see that learning the art of not caring isn’t about becoming cold or apathetic. In fact, it’s quite the opposite.

It’s about recognizing your own worth, establishing healthy boundaries, and understanding that you can’t please everyone all the time. And that’s okay.

Remember the quote by Dita Von Teese? “You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world, and there’s still going to be somebody who hates peaches.”

It’s a powerful reminder that even when we try our hardest to be liked by everyone, it’s an impossible task. And trying to achieve it only leads to exhaustion and self-neglect.

Moving away from people-pleasing does not make you a selfish person. Instead, it makes you a person who values themselves just as much as they value others.

Take these lessons on board. Reflect on them. And remember, it’s okay to say no, to put your needs first, and to stop seeking validation from others.

Because the art of not caring is actually the art of caring for yourself. And you deserve nothing less.