Navigating the relationship with your adult child can sometimes feel like walking a tightrope. On one hand, you want to support and help them, but on the other hand, it’s crucial they learn independence and respect.

The balance can sometimes tip, and you might feel like you’re being taken for granted. But how do you know for sure? And more importantly, what can you do about it?

I’m going to share with you eight signs that your adult child might be taking you for granted, along with some advice on how to address this issue without causing a family feud.

1) They rarely say thank you

One of the most obvious signs that your adult child is taking you for granted is a lack of gratitude. They might benefit from your help, support, or even financial aid, but you hardly ever hear those two magic words: thank you.

This doesn’t necessarily mean they are intentionally being ungrateful. Often, they might not even realize their behavior. After all, they’ve grown up with you always being there for them, so they might simply see your actions as a given.

But remember, everyone deserves recognition and appreciation for their efforts. It’s not about expecting a medal for every small thing you do, but mutual respect and appreciation are the building blocks of any healthy relationship.

If you notice this sign, it’s time to have an open and honest conversation with your child. Explain how their actions make you feel and remind them that showing gratitude isn’t just polite, it’s necessary.

2) They only call when they need something

This is something I’ve experienced personally.

My daughter, fresh out of college and navigating the adult world, had fallen into a pattern of calling only when she needed help – be it for a last-minute ride, financial aid, or advice on handling a tricky situation at work.

There were no casual chats about her day or random texts to say hi. It was always about needing something.

At first, I felt happy that she was turning to me in times of need. But gradually I realized that our conversations had become one-sided and transactional. It felt like I was being seen more as a resource than as her mother.

This is not to say that your child reaching out for help is a bad thing. In fact, it shows trust and reliance. But if your interactions are limited only to such instances, it might indicate that they’re taking you for granted.

In such a case, it’s essential to communicate your feelings and encourage them to maintain a more balanced relationship with you. Remind them that you are not just there for the tough times but also for the good times.

3) They show little interest in your life

While you’re constantly updated about their life – the highs, the lows, and everything in between – they seem to show little curiosity about yours. You might often find yourself in one-sided conversations, where you’re doing all the listening and they’re doing all the talking.

Research shows that empathetic listening, a type of active listening where you show understanding and empathy for the speaker’s feelings, strengthens relationships. It’s not just about hearing the words, but also understanding and responding to the emotions behind them.

If your adult child seldom asks about your life or feelings, it could be a sign that they’re taking you for granted.

Remember, a healthy relationship is a two-way street. It’s important to express your thoughts and feelings to them and remind them that just as they have their own lives, so do you.

4) They don’t respect your time

Is your adult child always late to family meals, canceling plans at the last minute, or expecting you to drop everything to cater to their needs? If so, they might be taking you for granted.

Respect for another person’s time is a fundamental aspect of any relationship. If they continually disregard your time or schedule, it’s an indicator that they’re not valuing your commitments or recognizing that your time is just as precious as theirs.

It’s important not to let this slide. Make sure to set boundaries and communicate your expectations about respecting time. It might take a while for them to adjust, but it’s a crucial step towards a healthier relationship.

5) They forget special occasions

Birthdays, anniversaries, holidays – these are moments that families cherish and celebrate together. But does your adult child often forget these special occasions? Does Mother’s Day or Father’s Day pass without a call or a message?

That can be quite heartbreaking.

These special days are not just about the celebration but about showing the love and respect you have for one another. If your adult child frequently forgets these occasions or doesn’t make an effort to celebrate them with you, it might be a sign that they’re taking you for granted.

Gentle reminders leading up to these special days might help. If that doesn’t work, have a candid conversation about how their forgetfulness makes you feel. They might not even realize the impact of their actions until you point it out.

6) They disregard your advice

As a parent, I’ve always tried to guide my children, imparting the wisdom I’ve gathered over the years. I remember once when my son was considering a major career move. I gave him some advice, drawing from my own experiences.

But he disregarded it, going ahead with his initial plan.

Of course, our children have the right to make their own choices. They need to learn from their own experiences and mistakes. But consistently ignoring your advice or not valuing your opinion can be a sign that they’re taking you for granted.

It’s not about them always following your advice, but about them appreciating the experience and thought that goes into giving it. A respectful dialogue where they consider your perspective, even if they choose a different path, is what should be aimed for.

7) They expect you to always be available

While it’s natural for parents to want to be there for their children, there should be a balance. If your adult child expects you to always be available, irrespective of your plans or commitments, it could be a sign that they’re taking you for granted.

Nobody should be expected to be available 24/7, not even parents. It’s important to have your own life, commitments, and hobbies.

If you find that your adult child is constantly interrupting or disregarding your personal time, it might be time to set some boundaries and communicate your need for personal space.

It might take some time for them to adjust to this change, but it’s essential for maintaining a healthy and respectful relationship.

8) They don’t acknowledge your efforts

One of the most telling signs that your adult child is taking you for granted is when they don’t acknowledge your efforts.

Whether it’s cooking their favorite meal when they visit, helping them move, or providing emotional support during tough times – if these actions go unnoticed or unappreciated, it might indicate that they’re not recognizing the love and effort behind your actions.

Everyone deserves recognition for their efforts – big or small – and you’re no exception. It’s important to communicate how you feel and remind them that a simple acknowledgment can go a long way in maintaining a strong and healthy relationship.

Final thoughts: It’s all about communication

Understanding and navigating the dynamics of a relationship with your adult child can be challenging. But remember, at the heart of every relationship lies communication.

When it comes to feeling unappreciated or taken for granted, often the other person isn’t even aware of their behavior. They might be caught up in their own life, oblivious to the impact of their actions on you.

The key is to communicate openly and honestly. Share your feelings, express your expectations, and set boundaries. Remember, it’s not about blaming or accusing, but about fostering an environment of mutual respect and appreciation.

In the end, it’s about nurturing a relationship that allows both you and your adult child to feel valued and respected. After all, isn’t that what family is all about?