8 phrases gaslighters use to keep you second-guessing yourself

Olivia Reid by Olivia Reid | February 11, 2025, 3:20 am

If someone tells you “you’re overreacting,” you might feel confused. If they say “you’re too sensitive,” you might start questioning yourself.

Welcome to the world of gaslighting.

But, it’s not always that simple. You see, manipulation can be so subtle, so crafty, that it becomes hard to discern fact from fiction.

And that’s where gaslighters excel.

However, some of us have an edge. Because we know the telltale signs, we recognize the 8 key phrases gaslighters often use.

And that’s what we’re going to uncover today.

This knowledge isn’t just about getting by in social situations or professional scenarios, it’s about empowering you to trust your judgment and maintain your sanity against manipulative tactics.

Buckle up, because we’re about to dive into the world of gaslighters and their linguistic tools of deceit.

1) “You’re overreacting”

It’s a typical day, you’re feeling a little upset about something, and then someone drops the bomb: “You’re overreacting.”

Sound familiar?

This is a classic phrase used by gaslighters to make you question your feelings.

By suggesting that you’re blowing things out of proportion, they’re undermining your perception and painting your emotions as invalid.

This phrase is insidious because it’s not just about the situation at hand.

It’s about creating self-doubt, making you question your judgment and reactions in general.

But here’s the kicker. You’re not overreacting. Your feelings are valid, and so is your reaction.

This phrase is just a tool used by gaslighters to shift blame and dodge responsibility.

Never let anyone belittle your emotions or make you second-guess your feelings. They’re yours, and they’re real.

2) “I never said that”

Ah, this one stings, doesn’t it?

Let me paint you a picture. A few weeks ago, I had a disagreement with a friend.

They made a promise they didn’t keep. When I confronted them about it, their response was, “I never said that.”

The confusion set in immediately. Did I remember it wrong? Was I making things up in my head?

This is a classic gaslighting phrase designed to instill doubt and rewrite history.

By denying they ever said something, gaslighters make you question your memory and perception.

But here’s the truth – your memory isn’t faulty. You’re not making things up. It’s just another manipulative tactic to deflect blame and maintain control.

Next time you hear “I never said that,” stand your ground. Trust your memory. Trust yourself.

3) “You’re too sensitive”

Now this phrase may sound harmless, but it’s anything but. “You’re too sensitive” is a tried and true trick used by gaslighters to delegitimize your feelings and reactions.

Here’s something intriguing. According to psychologist Elaine Aron, about 15-20% of the population are highly sensitive people.

They feel emotions more deeply and are more affected by the moods of others.

Gaslighters often target these individuals because they are more likely to internalize and believe the criticism.

By accusing you of being oversensitive, they’re not just dismissing your feelings, they’re also making you feel guilty for having them.

There’s no such thing as being ‘too sensitive’. Your emotions are your own and they are always valid. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

4) “You’re making things up”

When I say, “you’re making things up,” what comes to mind? It’s a phrase that gaslighters use to discredit your experiences and make you question your sanity.

Imagine this – you’re confident about something that happened, but then you’re told it didn’t happen at all.

You’re left in a whirlwind of confusion and doubt, aren’t you?

This method is a classic gaslighting technique, aimed to destabilize your understanding of reality.

It’s about making you feel unsure and less confident in your memory.

But don’t let this shake you. Your experiences are valid. Your memories are reliable. Don’t let anyone convince you otherwise.

Stand strong and trust in your own perceptions.

5) “You’re just looking for problems”

Ever heard the phrase “You’re just looking for problems”? I have, and let me tell you, it’s a real confidence shaker.

When I’m told this, I start to question my intentions. Am I being too critical? Am I looking for issues where there aren’t any?

This is exactly what a gaslighter wants.

By suggesting that you’re seeking out problems, they’re deflecting attention away from their actions and putting the focus on your behavior instead.

But here’s what I’ve learned: voicing concerns or pointing out issues doesn’t mean you’re looking for problems.

It means you’re observant and willing to address things that aren’t right.

The next time someone tries to make you feel like a problem-seeker, remember this.

You’re not creating issues. You’re addressing them. And there’s a big difference between the two.

6) “You’re imagining things”

“You’re imagining things” is a phrase that puts a unique twist on the gaslighting game.

You see, it’s not just about making you second guess your memory or perception, it’s about making you doubt your very sanity.

It’s as if they’re telling you that your mind is creating scenarios that didn’t happen.

The goal? To destabilize your confidence in your own mental faculties.

The ironic part is, you’re not the one imagining things. The gaslighter is the one crafting illusions, reshaping reality to fit their narrative.

The next time you hear “you’re imagining things”. You aren’t losing touch with reality.

They’re trying to pull you away from it. Stand firm and trust in your own mind.

7) “You misunderstood me”

“You misunderstood me” – It’s a phrase we’ve all heard and likely used ourselves.

But in the hands of a gaslighter, it becomes a powerful tool of manipulation.

By suggesting that you’ve misunderstood something they said or did, gaslighters can twist the narrative to their advantage.

They can claim innocence, shift blame, or even make you feel guilty for ‘misinterpreting’ their actions or words.

But here’s the thing – communication is a two-way street.

If someone is continually making you feel like you’re misunderstanding them, it might not be your comprehension that’s at fault.

Next time you’re told “you misunderstood me,” take a moment to consider.

Is it a genuine miscommunication? Or is it another gaslighting tactic at play? Trust your instincts. They’re often right.

8) “It’s all in your head”

“It’s all in your head” – the ultimate gaslighting phrase.

It’s the grand finale of manipulation, a phrase designed to make you feel like you’re losing touch with reality.

This phrase isn’t just about making you question your memory or perception.

It’s about planting seeds of doubt about your very sanity. It’s about making you feel like you’re the one with the problem, not them.

But here’s the most vital thing to remember: it’s not all in your head. Your experiences are real.

Your feelings are valid. And your perception of reality is reliable.

Never let anyone convince you otherwise. Stand firm in your truth. It’s yours, and no one can take that away from you.

Trust in your reality

As you’ve journeyed with me through these eight phrases gaslighters use, I hope you’ve gained insight and started to recognize patterns that may have previously gone unnoticed.

Gaslighting isn’t just about manipulation. It’s about power, control, and the erosion of self-trust.

But remember this: your experiences are real, your feelings are valid, and your perception of reality is reliable.

American author and poet Maya Angelou once said, “When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.”

This rings especially true in the context of gaslighting.

Trust yourself and your instincts. They are often right.

And most importantly, know that it’s not all in your head. You’re not overreacting or imagining things. You’re not too sensitive or misunderstanding situations.

You are standing firm in your reality, and no one has the power to take that away from you.