There’s a subtle art to making friends, especially in our golden years. You might not even realize that some of your behaviors are standing in the way of forming new friendships.

People often struggle to make new friends beyond their 60s due to certain patterns and habits they’ve developed over the years. These behaviors, often unnoticed by the individual, can make it difficult for others to connect with them.

Remember, it’s never too late to learn and grow. By being aware of these behaviors, you can work on changing them, opening doors to new relationships and experiences.

In this article, we’ll explore 6 common behaviors people who struggle to make friends in their 60s and beyond often display without even realizing it. 

1) Hanging onto the past

In the later stages of life, it’s easy to become nostalgic. The past often seems more appealing and comfortable than the present or the future. However, constantly reminiscing about ‘the good old days’ can unintentionally alienate others.

While there’s nothing wrong with cherishing memories, it becomes a problem when it dominates your conversations. The people you’re trying to connect with, especially if they are younger or from different backgrounds, might find it hard to relate to these past experiences.

Moreover, clinging to the past can make you resistant to change and new experiences – two key elements essential for forming new friendships.

If you often find yourself stuck in yesteryears, it might be one reason you’re finding it challenging to make new friends in your 60s and beyond. It’s crucial to ensure a balance between your past and present in conversations and be open to new experiences and perspectives.

2) Neglecting modern technology

I remember when I first introduced my 70-year-old uncle to the world of smartphones. He was adamant that he didn’t need one and that his old flip phone was enough.

But once he started using a smartphone and discovered the power of social media and instant messaging apps, he was amazed at how it helped him reconnect with old friends and make new ones.

Often, people in their 60s and beyond are hesitant to embrace modern technology. It can seem overwhelming and unnecessary. But let me tell you, from my uncle’s experience, it can be a game-changer.

Modern technology, especially social media platforms, provides an excellent opportunity to meet new people, stay connected, and participate in various activities. Not adapting to these technologies can inadvertently isolate one from potential friendships and social interactions.

Now, if you’re someone who’s been avoiding modern technology, it might be time to reconsider. You never know how many friendships are waiting for you on the other side of the screen!

3) Lack of mindfulness

In our 60s and beyond, we often get caught up in routines and preconceived notions about life, people, and ourselves. We tend to live in autopilot mode, which hinders us from being fully present in our interactions and appreciating the little moments.

This lack of mindfulness can be a significant barrier to forming new friendships. Friends want to feel heard, valued, and appreciated. If we’re not truly present in our interactions, it can make people feel disconnected and unimportant.

In my book, The Art of Mindfulness: A Practical Guide to Living in the Moment, I delve into how mindfulness can transform our lives and relationships. It helps us break away from autopilot mode and become more engaged with the world around us.

Being mindful means taking the time to genuinely engage in conversations, showing empathy, and expressing genuine interest in others’ lives. This shift towards mindfulness can significantly improve your ability to connect with others and form meaningful friendships.

4) Fear of rejection

There was a time when I hesitated to join a local book club, even though it seemed like the perfect place to meet like-minded people. The fear of not being accepted or liked by others can be paralyzing, making it difficult to take the first step towards forming new connections.

Fear of rejection is a common behavior observed in people who struggle to make friends in their 60s and beyond. This fear can stem from past experiences or simply from the uncertainty of stepping out of one’s comfort zone.

However, letting this fear control your actions can lead to missed opportunities and isolation. It’s important to remember that everyone experiences rejection at some point, and it does not define your worth or likability.

Taking risks and putting yourself out there is a crucial part of making new friends. You might face rejection, but you might also end up making meaningful connections that enrich your life. It’s about taking that leap of faith and opening yourself up to possibilities.

5) Being overly accommodating

It might sound a bit counter-intuitive, but being overly accommodating can actually deter new friendships. While it’s important to be considerate and kind, constantly bending over backwards to please others can make you come across as insincere or lacking self-confidence.

People appreciate authenticity and mutual respect in a friendship. If you’re always agreeing with others, never expressing your own opinions or needs, it could make others feel uneasy or like they’re not getting to know the real you.

Striking a balance between being considerate of others’ feelings and asserting your own needs and opinions is crucial for forming meaningful relationships.

If you’ve been playing the eternal people-pleaser, it might be time to reassess your approach. Being true to yourself won’t repel people; instead, it will draw in those who appreciate and respect you for who you are.

6) Not investing time

Friendships are like plants; they need time and care to grow. Often, people in their 60s and beyond struggle to make friends because they don’t invest the necessary time to nurture these relationships.

It’s important to understand that friendships don’t form overnight. They require shared experiences, mutual understanding, and trust, all of which take time to develop.

If you’re always busy or don’t make an effort to spend quality time with potential friends, they might feel unimportant or neglected. Remember, people are more likely to invest in a friendship if they see that you’re willing to do the same.

It’s time to reflect on whether you’re devoting enough time to foster these relationships. Making new friends might require you to adjust your schedule or priorities, but the reward of companionship is certainly worth it.

Final thought: The power of self-awareness

At the heart of forming new friendships in our 60s and beyond is the profound power of self-awareness. Understanding our behaviors, attitudes, and the way we interact with others can open doors to deeper connections and meaningful relationships.

Perhaps some of these behaviors resonate with you. Or maybe, they’ve sparked an interest to delve deeper into your own patterns. Either way, the first step towards change is awareness.

In my book, The Art of Mindfulness: A Practical Guide to Living in the Moment, I discuss how practicing mindfulness can increase our self-awareness and transform our relationships.

But remember, it’s not about becoming someone else to make friends. It’s about refining our attitudes, keeping an open mind, and respecting others’ perspectives.

Friendship in our later years can be a source of joy, comfort, and companionship. And it starts with acknowledging that change is possible at any age.

And as we embark on this journey of self-discovery, let’s carry with us a sense of curiosity, compassion, and optimism. Because it’s never too late to make new friends and enrich our lives with their presence.