As I’ve gotten older, I’ve noticed something—some people naturally stay connected, while others seem to slowly drift away from society. Sometimes, it’s by choice. Other times, it just… happens. 

Don’t believe me? Well, here’s a fact for you: experts estimate that almost a quarter of elderly people in the US are considered socially isolated. That’s huge!

But it doesn’t happen overnight—it’s usually a slow process, marked by small, subtle changes in behavior. The good news is that if you recognize these behaviors early enough, there’s still time to change course.

Today, we’re diving into five such behaviors. 

Let’s get into it.

1. They start turning down invitations more often

This one might sound pretty obvious but it’s worth mentioning. 

At first, it’s just a casual “Maybe next time.” Then, it becomes a pattern—declining dinners, skipping gatherings, avoiding phone calls. It’s not that they don’t care about their friends or family, but the effort of socializing starts to feel… unnecessary. Or maybe even exhausting.

Sometimes, it’s because they genuinely prefer solitude. Other times, it’s fueled by feelings of anxiety, depression, or even just the habit of being alone. 

The problem? The more they say no, the less people invite them, and before they know it, they’ve unintentionally built a wall between themselves and the world.

If you notice yourself or someone you know turning down invitations more and more, it might be time to ask—why? And more importantly, is it really what they (or you) want?

2. They refuse to adopt technology

This is a huge one for older folks like me. 

A 2022 study found that only 61% of people over 65 owned a smartphone, and less than half used social media. That means a massive chunk of us are missing out on one of the easiest ways to stay connected.

Now, I’m not saying technology should replace real-life interaction. But let’s be honest—these days, most book clubs, community events, and even simple get-togethers aren’t organized through phone calls anymore. They happen in group chats, on Facebook, and through emails.

If you’re not plugged in, you’re often left out.

Personally, I was a little slow to adopt, but once I did, I realized how much I was missing. I can video chat with my family, keep up with old friends, and even join online communities that share my interests. It’s not about scrolling endlessly—it’s about using technology as a tool to stay connected.

If you find yourself resisting, ask yourself: Is it really about the technology, or is it about stepping outside your comfort zone?

3. They rely too much on work friends

This one hits close to home. 

When you’re working, it’s easy to feel like you have a solid social circle. You see the same people every day, share inside jokes, grab lunch together—it feels like real friendship. And sometimes, it is.

But here’s the hard truth: when work ends, many of those relationships fade. It’s not personal; it’s just life. 

Without the structure of daily interactions, those friendships often don’t survive. And if your social life revolves around work, retirement or even just changing jobs can leave you feeling isolated before you even realize what’s happened.

I’ve been there. When I retired, I expected to stay close to my work friends—but the invites slowed down, the texts became less frequent, and before long, I realized most of my socializing had disappeared with my job.

The solution? Build friendships outside of work before you need them. 

Join a club, reconnect with old friends, or start a new hobby. Because when work is gone, you don’t want to find yourself starting from scratch.

4. They stop making the first move in friendships

Friendships, like anything else, need effort. 

But as people become more distant from society, they often stop reaching out first. They wait for others to call, to text, to make plans. 

And when those calls don’t come as often as they’d like, they assume people don’t care—when in reality, everyone is just busy with their own lives.

I’ve fallen into this trap myself. There was a time when I thought, “If they really wanted to see me, they’d reach out”. But then I realized—I wasn’t reaching out either! And when I finally did, people were happy to hear from me.

The truth is, friendships aren’t about keeping score. Sometimes, you have to be the one to send the first text, make the first call, or suggest the next get-together. Because if you don’t, the distance only grows. And before you know it, you’re sitting there wondering where everyone went.

5. They convince themselves they’re “better off alone”

This one is tricky because it feels like a conscious choice. Over time, some people start telling themselves that they actually prefer being alone. 

They say things like, “I don’t need anyone” or “I’m happier this way”. And while some solitude can be healthy, there’s a fine line between enjoying your own company and withdrawing from the world.

I’ve had moments where I’ve thought this way too. But the truth is, humans are wired for connection. Studies have shown that relationships aren’t just “nice to have”—they’re essential for our mental and even physical health. As noted by the CDC, loneliness can lead to stress, depression, and even a shorter lifespan.

Of course, socializing takes effort, and yes, people can be exhausting. But meaningful relationships bring joy, support, and purpose. If you find yourself constantly justifying isolation, ask yourself: Is this truly what I want, or is it just what I’ve gotten used to?

Final thoughts

Drifting away from society doesn’t happen overnight—it’s a slow process, built on small habits and quiet justifications. But the good news? It’s never too late to reconnect.

If you recognized yourself in any of these behaviors, don’t be too hard on yourself—I’ve been there too. The key is to catch it early and take small steps back toward connection. Send that text. Say yes to that invite. Try something new.

Because no matter what your inner voice might say, we all need connection.