There’s a profound difference between simply being a parent and maintaining a strong bond with your adult children.

It’s all about habits – some you foster and some you avoid.

Just as you wouldn’t plant a seed and then ignore it, nurturing the bond with your adult children requires regular attention and care.

Parents who maintain a strong bond with their adult children are often those who avoid certain habits that can strain the relationship.

In this article, we’ll explore seven such habits that can stand in the way of building a lasting connection with your grown-up kids.

Because even as our children grow up and venture into the world, the ties that bind us can continue to grow too – if we let them.

1) Micromanaging their lives

One of the most common pitfalls that parents fall into when dealing with their adult children is micromanaging their lives.

Let’s face it. It’s tough watching your children make mistakes, especially when you feel you have the experience to help them avoid those pitfalls.

But here’s the hard truth – they need to learn their own lessons.

Just like you wouldn’t want your boss peering over your shoulder at all times, adult children don’t appreciate being controlled or overly directed in their personal lives.

Parents who maintain a strong bond with their adult children understand this.

They give them the space to grow and make their own decisions, even if they might differ from what they would have chosen.

Stepping back takes a lot of strength and trust, but it’s crucial for fostering a healthy relationship with your grown-up kids.

It’s not about relinquishing control, but about respecting their autonomy and supporting their independence.

Keep this in mind next time you’re tempted to step in and fix things for them – sometimes, the best way to help is simply to stand back and be there when they ask for advice.

2) Dismissing their feelings

I’ll admit, I’ve been guilty of this one more times than I’d like to admit.

Dismissing their feelings is another habit that can create a rift between parents and their adult children.

There was this one time when my daughter came to me, upset about a disagreement with her friend.

In my eyes, the issue seemed trivial and I brushed it off, saying “Oh, you’ll get over it.”

I immediately saw her face fall.

She wasn’t looking for me to solve her problem, she just wanted me to listen and empathize with what she was going through.

I learned a valuable lesson that day – Never underestimate the power of validation.

When we dismiss our children’s feelings, we inadvertently send the message that their emotions are not important or valid.

Now, whenever my children share their feelings or concerns with me, no matter how big or small, I make sure to listen and acknowledge how they’re feeling.

It’s amazing how much this simple act can strengthen our bond.

Parents who maintain strong bonds with their adult children always validate their feelings and let them know they are heard.

3) Resisting change

Did you know that the human brain is wired to resist change?

It’s a survival mechanism, but when it comes to relationships, it can sometimes do more harm than good.

Parents often have a mental picture of who their children are, based on their childhood and teenage years.

But as they grow into adults, they will inevitably change – their tastes, beliefs, and even their personality traits can evolve.

Parents who maintain a strong bond with their adult children are those who embrace this change rather than resist it.

They understand that change is a part of life and an essential part of growth.

Instead of holding on to outdated perceptions, they strive to understand who their children are becoming.

They don’t let past memories cloud their view of the present, and they celebrate their children’s evolution into the individuals they’re becoming.

Adapting to change isn’t always easy, but it’s essential if we want our relationships to grow and flourish.

4) Being judgmental

It’s human nature to form judgments, especially when it comes to our loved ones.

But being judgmental can create a barrier between parents and their adult children.

No one likes to feel judged, least of all by their parents.

It can make your children feel like they’re constantly under scrutiny, leading to resentment and distance.

Parents who maintain a strong bond with their adult children consciously avoid passing judgment.

They understand that everyone has their own path in life and that their children are entitled to make their own choices.

Instead of being quick to judge, they practice empathy and understanding.

They offer guidance when needed, but ultimately respect their adult children’s decisions.

Creating a non-judgmental environment fosters open communication and trust, foundations for any strong relationship.

5) Not acknowledging mistakes

I remember a time when I’d made a mistake and was too stubborn to admit it.

I’d given my son advice that, in hindsight, wasn’t the best. Instead of acknowledging my error, I dug my heels in and insisted I was right.

Arguing just to save face didn’t strengthen our bond, it only caused tension and confusion.

It took a heartfelt conversation and an apology to mend the damage.

Parents who maintain strong bonds with their adult children are not afraid to admit when they’re wrong.

They understand that everyone makes mistakes and that admitting them doesn’t make you weak or less of a parent.

Showing your children that you’re human and capable of errors not only teaches them humility but also makes you more approachable.

We cannot expect our children to be perfect if we’re unwilling to admit our own imperfections.

Next time you make a mistake, own up to it – it’s a sign of strength, not weakness.

6) Overstepping boundaries

As parents, it’s natural to want to be involved in our children’s lives.

But there’s a fine line between being involved and overstepping boundaries.

When children grow into adults, they establish their own lives, routines, and boundaries.

Respecting these boundaries is crucial for maintaining a strong parent-child bond.

Parents who share a strong bond with their adult children understand the importance of giving them space.

They respect their private life and refrain from intruding unless invited.

This is not about being distant or uninterested, but about acknowledging their adulthood and respecting their independence.

Maintaining healthy boundaries not only fosters respect but also strengthens the bond between you and your adult children.

7) Forgetting to express love

We often assume that our children know we love them, but expressing it is equally important.

No matter how old they get, children never outgrow the need to feel loved and cherished by their parents.

Parents who maintain a strong bond with their adult children make it a point to express their love regularly.

It doesn’t always have to be grand gestures; simple things like a phone call, a text message or a hug can go a long way.

Expressing love reinforces the bond and provides a sense of security.

It’s a reminder that even though they’re adults with their own lives, they’ll always be your children and you’ll always be there for them.

Don’t hold back. Express your love freely and often. It’s the most powerful tool you have to strengthen your bond with your adult children.

Final thoughts: It’s all about connection

At the heart of our interactions with our adult children is a universal human need – the need for connection.

Renowned psychologist Carl Rogers once said, “When someone really hears you without passing judgment on you, without trying to take responsibility for you, without trying to mold you, it feels damn good!”

This statement holds true for our relationship with our adult children.

The habits we’ve explored in this article all revolve around building and nurturing this connection.

Whether it’s respecting their autonomy, acknowledging their feelings, or just expressing your love, each action deepens this bond.

Maintaining a strong bond with your adult children isn’t about being perfect but about being there in the ways that matter most to them.

And it starts with avoiding these seven habits.

Now go ahead and reflect on your relationship with your adult children. What habits do you need to let go of?

And what habits can you cultivate to strengthen this precious bond? Because in the end, it’s these bonds that truly enrich our lives.