Let’s face it: parenting can be tough. 

And I’ll be the first to admit I don’t know everything, but over the years—both as a father and now as a grandfather—I’ve seen firsthand how certain parenting habits can stunt a child’s ability to develop mental resilience. 

If you’re a regular reader here at Global English Editing, you may remember I once talked about laying strong foundations for children. Well, today I’d like to focus on what not to do—specifically, seven habits that can undermine your goal of raising mentally strong kids.

Let’s get into ‘em. 

1) Bubble-Wrapping Them from Every Challenge

I get it: when you see your child struggling or feeling hurt, every instinct says to shield them from pain. But if we consistently protect them from all adversity, we rob them of the chance to build coping mechanisms and emotional fortitude. 

Life is bound to throw curveballs, whether it’s failing a test or getting picked last for a sports team. Shielding them from everything only sets them up for bigger shocks down the road.

As the well-known quote from Albert Einstein goes: “In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity.” The same applies here; if we never let our kids confront difficulty, we deny them the opportunity to learn problem-solving skills and resilience. 

Instead of swooping in to solve every issue, give them space to attempt solutions. Offer guidance if they’re truly stuck, but not before they’ve had a chance to figure things out themselves.

2) Never Letting Them Take Responsibility for Their Actions

Picture this: your child comes home blaming their teacher for a bad grade, or pointing fingers at a teammate when their team loses. We’ve all been there, right?

It can be tempting to side with your child immediately (we love them, after all!), but constantly backing them up without accountability sends the message that they’re never at fault.

Kids need to learn to own their mistakes. It builds self-awareness and humility. 

If they see that Mom or Dad always blames someone else—be it the teacher, the referee, or the other kids—they won’t gain the internal locus of control needed to become problem-solvers and leaders.

How to handle this?

When your child complains about an injustice, try asking them gentle questions like, “What could you have done differently?” or “How can we make this better next time?” Instead of letting them shirk responsibility, guide them to see how their actions play a role in outcomes.

3) Overemphasizing Achievements at the Expense of Character

My grandkids recently participated in a local soccer tournament, and one of them was upset because his team got knocked out early. As we chatted on our usual walk with Lottie (my beloved dog), I reminded him that losing a game doesn’t define you. It’s how you treat others, how you handle pressure, and how you bounce back that really matters

The point?

If we, as parents, only applaud big wins—like high grades, trophies, or starring roles in school plays—kids might grow up tying their self-worth to those external accolades. When the accolades stop (and they eventually will), their self-esteem can crash. That’s a shaky foundation.

4) Stifling Their Emotional Expression

When I was a young father, I remember hearing parents using phrases like “Boys don’t cry” or “Don’t be a baby.” I’m ashamed to say that I probably used them a few times with my son, too. Sound familiar?

Well, we might think we’re teaching toughness, but in reality, we’re sending the message that certain emotions are off-limits or shameful. Kids need to know that feelings—anger, sadness, anxiety—are normal and that it’s okay to experience them.

Offer a safe space for children to express their feelings. Encourage them to name emotions (“It sounds like you’re feeling frustrated”) and explore coping mechanisms like journaling or taking a breather. You’ll be amazed at how much more resilient they become when they’re not ashamed of their feelings.

5) Using Fear and Intimidation as Primary Disciplinary Tools

This is a big one. 

If we use fear tactics—like excessive yelling, shame, or harsh punishment—kids might comply in the short term, but they’ll also become more anxious, resentful, and less likely to communicate openly.

I’m not saying discipline doesn’t matter. Setting clear boundaries is essential, but discipline should guide children toward better choices rather than scare them into submission. 

The pros over at the Institute Of Family Studies back this up, saying that a fear-based environment can erode trust, and “divorce our children from their emotions”.  

The solution? Replace fear with constructive consequences and transparent conversations. 

For instance, if a child breaks curfew, have them earn back privileges by demonstrating responsible behavior, rather than doling out a vague “Because I said so!” type of punishment.

6) Micromanaging Every Aspect of Their Lives

Look, I’m not perfect and I am still learning too, but one of the biggest mistakes I’ve seen (and yes, I’ve been guilty of this a time or two) is micromanaging kids. Telling them exactly what to do, how to do it, and when to do it leaves little room for self-discovery.

For kids to be mentally strong, they need to develop their strength by making age-appropriate choices—and sometimes failing at them.

Remember the old adage: “Give a man a fish, and you feed him for a day; teach a man to fish, and you feed him for a lifetime.” This concept applies to parenting, too. If we always choose their hobbies, pick their friends, and hover over their homework, we’re essentially spoon-feeding them life. Once they leave the nest, they’ll lack the self-reliance to handle bigger challenges independently.

Let them make small decisions. Something as simple as choosing what to wear or picking which extracurricular activities to pursue can help them gain confidence in their decision-making abilities. Be there for guidance, not as a helicopter always whirring overhead.

7) Neglecting Your Own Mental and Emotional Well-Being

Finally but perhaps most importantly, if you ignore your own mental health, it’s tough to model the resilience you want to see in your kids. 

Children learn more from what we do than what we say, so if we’re constantly stressed, anxious, or burned out—yet never address it—we’re indirectly telling them that neglecting self-care is normal.

As Brené Brown, a researcher who I deeply admire, reminds us in one of her books: “We don’t have to do all of it alone. We were never meant to.” If you’re struggling, seek support—whether that’s therapy, a supportive friend group, or even a daily walk in the park to clear your head. 

Parting Thoughts

I’m still figuring things out myself, but if I can leave you with one last piece of advice, it’s this: be patient—with your kids and yourself. 

Breaking old habits is never easy, but bit by bit, you’ll see the difference in how your children respond to life’s ups and downs. They’ll fail, they’ll fall, they’ll get back up, and each time they do, they’ll be that much stronger for it.

So here’s to raising a new generation of resilient, confident, and emotionally secure kids. It might not be a walk in the park, but the payoff is worth it.

Our children deserve the chance to develop their own inner strength—after all, they’re the ones who’ll shape the world tomorrow. And if we play our part well, the future will be brighter for it!