Have you ever met someone who just exudes class and refinement? The kind of person who moves through the world with effortless grace, making everyone around them feel at ease?

I’ve always been fascinated by what sets these individuals apart and over time, I’ve realized that being a refined person isn’t about perfection; it’s about awareness. Certain habits can subtly (or not-so-subtly) undermine an otherwise sophisticated presence. 

The good news? Once you recognize these behaviors, you can start leaving them behind.

Today, we’re diving into seven such things you’ll want to let go of if your goal is to carry yourself with more class.

Let’s get into ‘em. 

1) Making everything about yourself

I’ve mentioned this in a previous post, but it bears repeating: few things scream “unrefined” louder than someone who constantly steers every conversation back to themselves. 

We’ve all come across that person who, upon hearing about your day, interrupts with, “Oh, that reminds me of the time I did something way more impressive!”. Annoying, right?

Yes, self-confidence is a wonderful trait, and sharing personal stories can be a way to bond with others. But if you’re always the hero of every anecdote, people will start tuning out. 

True class involves giving others space to shine.

2) Being consistently late (and not caring)

Life happens. Traffic, unforeseen errands, or last-minute surprises can throw anyone off schedule now and then. 

However, making tardiness a habit—and brushing it off as no big deal—can tarnish your reputation. When you consistently show up late, you’re essentially telling people their time isn’t as valuable as yours.

I remember a dinner invitation a friend extended to me last year. He had spent the whole afternoon cooking what he said was going to be a “culinary masterpiece.” Sadly, a mutual acquaintance of ours showed up more than an hour behind schedule. The food had long since gone cold, and the air in the room was thick with a certain tension. 

It might sound dramatic, but there’s a reason many etiquette experts list punctuality as a cornerstone of good manners. When you show up on time, you’re showing respect for others. Consistent punctuality builds credibility, trust, and a sense of reliability.

3) Gossiping or spreading rumors

We all love a good story, but there’s a world of difference between harmless storytelling and outright gossip. Gossip undermines trust, damages reputations, and—if we’re being totally honest—makes you look petty and untrustworthy. 

And it isn’t just about what you say; it’s also about what you listen to. If you hang around people who constantly trade in whisper campaigns, you might get sucked in without even realizing it. A truly classy individual has the maturity to walk away from such malicious chatter. 

If you find yourself in a group that’s gossiping, a polite but firm change of topic can work wonders. People will notice that you’re someone who refuses to indulge in negativity, and that’s the kind of reputation worth having.

4) Overindulging in bragging or one-upmanship

Have you ever been stuck in a situation where someone can’t wait to let you know they drive the latest luxury car, dine at exclusive restaurants, or know “famous” people? It’s exhausting, isn’t it? 

Now, there’s nothing wrong with celebrating personal achievements. We all like sharing good news—big or small. The problem arises when it becomes a pattern of constant self-promotion, a never-ending quest to top someone else’s story.

Refinement has a lot to do with subtlety and grace. Let your accomplishments speak for themselves, or let others discover them naturally. 

5) Disregarding basic etiquette and politeness

Etiquette might sound old-fashioned, but it’s really just about showing consideration for those around you. And in our increasingly fast-paced, digital world, such politeness can often feel like a lost art. 

Small gestures—like holding the door for a stranger, saying “please” and “thank you,” or offering your seat to someone who needs it—go a long way in elevating your image from ordinary to distinguished.

Mastering these simple acts of courtesy pays off in spades. People notice. People appreciate it. And best of all, it fosters an environment of mutual respect.

There’s also the social-media side of etiquette. Being polite online means avoiding nasty comments, respecting others’ privacy, and thinking twice before posting in anger.

If your goal is to project poise and class, take the high road—both offline and online.

6) Constant complaining or negativity

Life isn’t all sunshine and rainbows, but there’s a stark difference between occasionally venting about frustrations and turning negativity into your defining trait. 

Chronic complainers drain the energy of everyone around them. Whether it’s moaning about the weather, griping about the slow service at a restaurant, or complaining about the latest traffic jam—when whining becomes your go-to mode of conversation, it sends your credibility and charm on a downward spiral.

I’ve found that gratitude is the antidote to persistent negativity. It’s surprising how focusing on small joys—a great cup of coffee, an unexpected compliment, or even the simple pleasure of a walk with my dog —can shift my entire mindset. 

Think of negativity as a bad habit: the more you do it, the more natural it feels. But the reverse is also true. Practice appreciation, and soon enough, that becomes second nature.

7) Treating service staff or “less important” people poorly

Finally but perhaps most importantly, if there’s one behavior that reveals a person’s true character faster than you can say “check, please,” it’s how they treat those in service roles. 

Whether it’s a waiter, a retail clerk, or a hotel housekeeper, showing kindness and respect to people who are simply doing their jobs is a hallmark of genuine class.

My grandchildren love a local diner we frequent, partly because the staff there knows them by name. They joke around with us, always ensuring our orders are right, and keep the place spotless. They are amazing!

However, over the years, I’ve seen these waiters have to handle impatient customers, rude remarks, and even the occasional meltdown with grace.

The point?

Being refined isn’t about lording status over anyone. It’s about showing empathy and warmth, even when you don’t “have to.” That attitude speaks volumes about who you are. 

Your latte order was wrong? take a breath. Mistakes happen. Respond with courtesy, and your refined image will shine brighter than any fancy outfit.

Parting thoughts

As someone who’s spent a good chunk of his life simply observing and learning from others, I can attest that refinement isn’t about perfection—it’s about progress. It’s the constant decision to weed out behaviors that undermine your better self. 

When you say goodbye to narcissism, tardiness, gossip, bragging, rudeness, negativity, and mistreatment of others, you create space for qualities like kindness, humility, and genuine warmth to flourish.

So the question I leave you with is: which of these habits are you ready to let go of first? 

No one’s demanding overnight transformation, but awareness is the first step. Chip away at those unrefined tendencies, and little by little, you’ll notice a shift not just in how people treat you, but in how you feel about yourself.