Building a loving bond with your grandchildren is a gift that lasts a lifetime, but maintaining that connection as they grow older requires intentional effort.

Sometimes, habits that seem harmless—or even well-meaning—can inadvertently create distance over time.

If you want your grandchildren to feel cherished and valued as they mature, it’s essential to let go of certain behaviors that might undermine your relationship.

Here are eight habits to say goodbye to if you want to nurture a lifelong connection full of love and trust.

How many of these can you commit to changing?

1) Making comparisons

Comparisons are tricky beasts.

They sneak in, often uninvited, and once they take hold, they can wreak havoc on a child’s self-esteem.

When it comes to grandkids, you might not even realize you’re doing it.

You see, every child is unique, blossoming in their own time and in their own way.

Comparing them to their peers or—worse—their siblings, pushes them into boxes they might not fit—meaning, you need to do it in a way that respects their individuality.

Remember, your grandkids are not in a race against anyone else.

They’re on a journey, and it’s your job to support them, not compare them.

2) Using the “back in my day” narrative

We’ve all been guilty of this one, haven’t we?

I remember when my grandkids were just starting to navigate the world of social media.

I’d catch myself saying things like “Back in my day, we didn’t have all these screens. We played outside and had real conversations.”

What I didn’t realize was how dismissive this could sound.

Although my intention was to share wisdom, it came across as me belittling their experiences and invalidating their reality.

Instead, I learned to ask about the things they enjoy, like the latest app or online game.

It opened up a world of conversation and connection that “back in my day” never could.

3) Sharing unsolicited advice

It’s a human instinct to want to protect those we love, but sometimes we need to catch ourselves.

When we constantly offer advice without being asked, it can make our grandkids feel like they’re not capable of making their own decisions.

Did you know that research has shown that when people solve problems on their own—such as life skills—they experience a boost in their self-esteem and confidence? It’s true!

The next time, instead of jumping in with advice, try asking your grandkids what they think or how they plan to handle a situation.

You might be surprised by their insight and it’ll give them a chance to flex their problem-solving muscles too.

4) Excessive worrying

Let’s be honest, as grandparents, we tend to worry a lot about our grandkids. It’s only natural.

But here’s the thing: Excessive worrying can sometimes end up being smothering.

It can make them feel like they are not capable of handling their own lives, so it’s important to remember that making mistakes is part of growing up.

They need to fail and learn from their mistakes to become resilient adults.

Take a step back and let them navigate their own journey.

Trust me, they’ll thank you for it later!

5) Putting expectations over acceptance

This one hit home for me as I used to have all these expectations for my grandkids.

I wanted them to excel in school, sports, and pretty much everything they did.

But as time passed, I realized that I was putting my expectations before their happiness.

Sure, it’s great to want the best for them, but it’s even more important to accept them for who they are—not who we want them to be.

I’ve learned that acceptance goes a long way in making them feel loved and valued.

And isn’t that what we want as grandparents?

6) Holding onto the “spoil them rotten” mantra

We often hear that it’s a grandparent’s right to spoil their grandkids.

Sweets before dinner? Sure!

Late bedtime? Why not?

While this might seem like a way to show love, in the long run, it can create a sense of entitlement and unrealistic expectations.

It’s okay to spoil them with your time, your attention, and unconditional love, but try to resist the urge to overindulge them with material things or by bending the rules too much.

Balance is key here: You’ll be doing them a huge favor in the long run.

7) Forgetting to listen

We often get so caught up in our role as advisors and guides that we sometimes forget to just listen.

Your grandkids have their own stories to tell, their own emotions to share, and their own perspectives on life.

By simply listening, you show them that their thoughts and feelings are valid and important.

Before sharing your wisdom, take a moment to truly listen.

8) Neglecting to say “I love you”

It might seem obvious, but it’s easily overlooked.

Telling your grandkids you love them regularly is the most powerful way to make them feel loved.

These three words carry a weight of affirmation, acceptance, and security.

Don’t assume they know—tell them often because it’s a habit worth holding onto.

Reflecting on the journey of grandparenting

If you’ve come this far, you’ve demonstrated a willingness to grow and adapt for the sake of your grandchildren’s well-being.

That, in and of itself, is a testament to your love for them.

Being a grandparent is about being present, adaptable, and understanding—recognizing that while we may come from different generations, at the end of the day, we all want to feel loved and accepted.

The poet Maya Angelou once said, “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

As you reflect on your grandparenting journey, remember this: It’s not about the gifts you give or the advice you share, but how you make them feel when they’re with you.