Ever wonder why some conversations just don’t go as smoothly as you’d like?

Sometimes, it’s not what we say—it’s how we say it.

The words we use can either bring people closer or push them away and, without realizing it, certain phrases might be making you more difficult to get along with than you think.

The good news? A small shift in language can make a big difference in your relationships—whether at work, with friends, or even online.

Here are seven phrases to watch out for if you want to communicate more effectively and avoid unnecessary friction:

1) “Calm down!”

Few phrases are as frustrating as being told to “calm down” when you’re upset.

It might seem like a harmless way to diffuse tension, but more often than not, it has the opposite effect.

Instead of making someone feel heard, it dismisses their feelings and can come across as condescending.

People don’t want to be told how to feel—they want to be understood.

A better approach? Acknowledge their emotions and ask what’s wrong instead of shutting them down.

If “calm down” is a go-to phrase in your conversations, it might be making you harder to connect with than you realize.

2) “I’m just being honest…”

I used to think saying, “I’m just being honest,” was a good way to justify my bluntness.

If I was telling the truth, then surely I wasn’t doing anything wrong—right?

But then a friend called me out: After I made a harsh comment about someone’s work, they sighed and said, “Being honest doesn’t mean you have to be unkind.”

Honestly, that stuck with me.

I realized that I was using honesty as a shield to say things without considering how they landed.

The truth does matter, but so does how you deliver it.

3) “You always…” / “You never…”

Absolute statements like “You always forget to listen” or “You never help out” can make conversations feel more like battles than discussions.

Our brains are wired to resist unfair criticism.

When people hear absolutes like always and never, they instinctively start searching for exceptions rather than focusing on the real issue.

Rather than hearing your frustration, they become defensive—because, realistically, no one always or never does anything.

A better way to get your point across?

Focus on specific behaviors instead of making sweeping judgments.

It keeps the conversation productive instead of turning it into a debate over who’s right.

4) “Whatever.”

On the surface, “whatever” might seem like a harmless word, but it can be one of the most dismissive things you can say in a conversation.

It signals that you don’t care, that the discussion isn’t worth your time, or that you’re shutting down instead of engaging.

Even if you’re feeling frustrated or uninterested, brushing someone off with “whatever” can make them feel unheard and unimportant.

If you find yourself using this word often, try replacing it with something more constructive.

Even a simple “I don’t agree, but I see your point” can keep the conversation open rather than shutting it down completely.

5) “I’m fine!”

There was a time when “I’m fine” was my go-to response, even when I wasn’t.

If something upset me, I’d brush it off; if someone asked what was wrong, I’d insist it was nothing.

I thought I was keeping the peace, but all I was really doing was building walls.

The problem with “I’m fine” is that it rarely means what it says.

It shuts down conversations instead of opening them up, and it leaves people guessing instead of giving them a chance to understand.

Honest communication isn’t always easy, but it’s worth it.

6) “It’s not a big deal…”

When someone shares their feelings or frustrations, hearing “It’s not a big deal” can be incredibly invalidating.

Even if you don’t think something is serious, that doesn’t mean it isn’t important to them.

Dismissing concerns—whether it’s about work, relationships, or everyday annoyances—can make people feel unheard or insignificant.

Over time, they may stop opening up to you altogether.

What’s a much better approach? Try saying, “I see why that’s bothering you” or “That sounds frustrating.”

A little validation goes a long way in making people feel understood.

7) “That’s just how I am.”

Saying “That’s just how I am” shuts down any possibility of growth.

It’s an easy way to avoid accountability, but it also pushes people away.

We all have habits and tendencies, but that doesn’t mean we can’t change or improve.

Relationships—whether personal or professional—require effort, and part of that effort is being willing to listen, adapt, and grow.

Who you are isn’t set in stone.

The way you communicate can evolve, and small changes in language can make a big difference in how people respond to you.

Words shape relationships

The way we communicate has a profound impact on our relationships, often in ways we don’t immediately realize.

The words we choose can either build connections or create distance, influencing how others perceive us and how we navigate the world around us.

A simple shift in phrasing can turn a dismissive comment into an opportunity for understanding.

A little self-awareness can transform the way we relate to people, making conversations more open, thoughtful, and constructive.

The good news? Communication is a skill, and like any skill, it can be refined.

The more intentional we are with our words, the stronger our relationships can become.