If your adult children roll their eyes every time you talk, you know something’s off; if they’re avoiding your calls, you know the situation is even worse.

But relationships, especially with your grown-up kids, aren’t always as clear-cut as that.

In fact, they can be a complex web of emotions and unspoken rules that take some serious navigation.

And yes, you guessed it, I’ve been there.

Struggling to understand where I was going wrong with my own adult children until I realized—there were eight specific behaviors I needed to let go.

In this article, I’ll share these insights with you, so stay tuned.

As someone who’s learned the hard way about the subtleties of communication and relationships, I promise it’ll be worth your while.

1) Letting go of the parent-child dynamic

It’s tough, I know.

You’ve spent years being their protector, guide, and sometimes, the villain in their little stories—but now they’re not so little anymore.

They have their own lives, make their own decisions, and navigate the world independently.

But here’s where we often mess up: We don’t update our roles.

We continue to treat them like children, infringing on their autonomy and inadvertently disrespecting their adult status.

In turn, they grow distant or react adversely.

Sounds simple, but believe me, it’s harder than it seems.

Still, it’s a crucial step for a healthier relationship with your adult children.

Once you start seeing them as equals and respecting their maturity, you’ll notice a positive shift in your relationship dynamics.

2) Overstepping boundaries

This one hit me hard.

My daughter, Emily, moved into her own apartment a couple of years ago.

I was thrilled for her but found it hard to resist my parental instincts; I would often drop by unannounced, bring over home-cooked meals, or offer unsolicited advice about her lifestyle choices.

One day, Emily sat me down and calmly explained that while she appreciated my concern, my constant intrusions were overstepping her boundaries.

She was right—I was still treating her space as if it was my own.

It was a wake-up call.

I needed to respect her personal boundaries and allow her the freedom to make her own choices, even if I didn’t always agree with them.

Trust me, this shift will not only demonstrate your respect for their independence but also foster a more open and understanding relationship between you and your adult children.

It worked wonders in my relationship with Emily.

3) Being overly critical

Let’s be honest, no one likes to be on the receiving end of constant criticism, especially when it comes from someone they look up to.

This behavior is more common than we’d like to admit.

Perhaps because as parents, we’re wired to want the best for our children.

We point out their flaws in the hope they will change and improve.

But here’s the kicker: Constant criticism can lead to lower self-esteem and increased anxiety in adults.

By shifting from criticism to constructive feedback, you’re not only promoting their self-confidence but also cultivating a more positive interaction with your adult children.

Remember, it’s all about guiding them without making them feel inadequate.

4) Ignoring their input

Ever found yourself dismissing your adult child’s opinion because you think you know better?

Guilty as charged, we’ve all done it.

But here’s the deal: If we desire a healthy relationship with our adult children, this behavior needs to change.

When we ignore their input or belittle their opinions, we’re essentially telling them their thoughts and feelings aren’t valid or important.

This can lead to resentment and a breakdown in communication.

Start by actively listening to what they have to say, practice patience, and show them the respect they deserve as adults.

You’ll soon see how these simple changes can bring about a profound shift in your relationship dynamics.

5) Trying to fix their problems

Here’s a confession: I’m a fixer.

When I see a problem, especially in my children’s lives, my first instinct is to step in and try to solve it.

But as my kids grew older, I realized this wasn’t always the best approach.

Sometimes, they didn’t need me to fix their problems.

They just needed someone to listen and empathize.

I had to learn that my role was not always to be the problem-solver but rather a supportive presence in their lives.

Remember, they’re adults now.

They’re capable of handling challenges on their own.

Our job is to stand by them and offer support when needed.

It’s a tough change, I won’t deny that, but it’s also an empowering one, both for you and your adult children.

6) Avoiding tough conversations

It’s human nature to shy away from difficult discussions.

We fear they might lead to conflict or discomfort.

But believe it or not, avoiding these conversations can do more harm than good in a relationship with your adult children.

When we dodge tough topics, we miss opportunities to understand each other better and to grow as a family.

It might feel uncomfortable initially, but taking the plunge to discuss challenging issues can lead to stronger bonds and greater mutual respect.

Remember, it’s not about winning an argument, but about understanding each other’s perspectives.

In the process, you might just uncover layers of your relationship you never knew existed.

7) Holding onto past mistakes

We all slip up, say things we don’t mean, make mistakes—it’s part of being human.

But holding onto these past errors can create a toxic environment, especially in a relationship with adult children.

Dragging past mistakes into current conversations can make them feel judged and stuck, hindering the growth of your relationship.

Instead, focus on forgiveness and moving forward.

This doesn’t mean ignoring wrongdoings but addressing them, forgiving them, and then leaving them in the past where they belong.

Not only will this lighten the atmosphere, but it also encourages open communication and mutual respect.

It’s all about fostering a future-facing attitude for a healthier relationship.

8) Neglecting to express love

No matter how old your children get, they never outgrow the need to feel loved and valued by their parents.

Often, in the hustle and bustle of life, we forget to express our love explicitly.

We assume they know we love them but, sometimes, they need to hear it.

Tell them you love them—show your appreciation for them.

It might seem small, but it can make a world of difference in your relationship with your adult children.

Because at the end of the day, love is what binds us together.

Expressing it freely is the cornerstone of a healthy, fulfilling relationship.

Reflecting on the journey

Hopefully, if you’ve read this far, you’ll understand that fostering a healthy relationship with your adult children isn’t about holding onto the past, but embracing the present and future.

Because this shift is not about losing authority or control.

Rather, it’s about evolving with your children as they grow and mature.

It’s about recognizing their autonomy, respecting their boundaries, and valuing their input; it’s about letting go of the need to fix everything for them and instead, standing by their side as they navigate life’s challenges.

But most importantly, it’s about expressing love, openly and often.

If you’ve managed to instill that in your relationship with your adult children, then not only have you succeeded as a parent, but you’ve also become someone they’d want to be around.