Confidence—it’s one of those qualities we tend to recognize immediately when we see it in others. But what about the specifics? How do you actually spot someone who truly believes in themselves, rather than simply faking it? 

Well, over the years, through my own life experiences (and let’s just say I’ve had quite a few by now), I’ve noticed that genuine self-assurance radiates through subtle (and sometimes not-so-subtle) cues in our posture and gestures.

Today, I’d like to share seven of those signals that someone’s self-esteem isn’t just for show. 

My hope is you’ll walk away with a few pointers on how to embody these traits yourself—without feeling like you’re being phony or over-the-top.

Let’s dive in.

1) They stand tall with an open posture

Have you ever walked into a room and instantly felt drawn to a person who just seems at ease in their own skin? 

Nine times out of ten, they’re standing with their shoulders back, their chest open, and their weight evenly distributed on both feet. This upright, balanced stance says, “I’m comfortable being seen.”

A slouched posture, on the other hand, can suggest the opposite. When we hunch over or shrink into ourselves, we’re signaling uncertainty or apprehension—even if we’re not saying a word. 

I remember back when I was still working my office job, one of the best pieces of advice a mentor gave me was to periodically straighten my spine and relax my arms at my sides whenever I noticed I was slumping. It felt weirdly empowering. 

And guess what? It’s not just me. Research has shown that maintaining an upright posture can actually boost our own self-esteem and mood. 

If you catch yourself caving in or rounding your shoulders, try this: roll your shoulders up and back, lift your chin so you’re looking straight ahead, and take a slow, deep breath. 

Chances are you’ll feel more alert, capable, and ready to engage with those around you!

2) They maintain comfortable eye contact

You know that old saying: “The eyes are the window to the soul”? Well, in the realm of body language, those windows tell us a lot about someone’s comfort level and self-confidence. 

People who truly believe in themselves aren’t afraid to make eye contact when speaking or listening. They’re not staring intensely (that might come off as a bit creepy!), but rather offering an attentive, steady gaze that conveys, “I see you, and I’m fully present.”

I once read a wonderful quote by Winston Churchill: “Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference.” Although he wasn’t talking about eye contact, I find it relates nicely here. Eye contact is such a small action, yet it can dramatically shift the dynamic of a conversation.

Of course, it can feel intimidating to look someone in the eye if you’re not used to it. My suggestion? Try gradually increasing the time you hold someone’s gaze—just a second or two longer than you normally would—and then allow yourself to glance away briefly. 

Over time, it’ll start to feel more organic. And remember, there’s a fine line between assertive and overbearing. Keep it warm and sincere.

3) They use purposeful, confident gestures

Ever notice how some folks gesture aimlessly or fidget with whatever object is nearby (pens, phones, paperclips… you name it) when they’re speaking? 

That often indicates nervousness or a lack of clarity. By contrast, someone who feels comfortable in their own skin will use hand movements that flow naturally with their words. Their gestures emphasize points rather than distract from them.

Think of those speakers or presenters who grab your attention in an instant: their hands don’t flap around at random—they serve to illustrate their message. 

If you find yourself feeling uneasy during a conversation or presentation, try grounding yourself by placing your hands lightly on a table or resting them in your lap before making deliberate gestures to underscore key points. Over time, this becomes second nature.

4) They keep an unhurried, measured pace

I’ve mentioned in a previous post here on Global English Editing about how hurried speech or darting movements can give off an anxious vibe but I’ll reiterate, confident individuals don’t usually rush. 

When you hurry through your actions, whether it’s speaking, walking, or even responding to a question, it might feel like you’re on top of things, but it can come across as nervous energy. A measured pace, however, signals you’re in control—not just of your environment, but of yourself.

Want to see this in action? Watch a seasoned professional (maybe a respected manager at your workplace or a skilled public speaker) move around a room. Chances are, their steps are deliberate, their gestures are fluid, and they give themselves a second to think before they respond to questions. 

That natural pause isn’t laziness; it’s a sign of composure.

5) They’re not afraid of mindful touch

Now, I’m not suggesting we go around hugging every acquaintance we meet—but confident people often aren’t shy when it comes to offering a handshake, a friendly pat on the back, or a light touch on the arm. It shows approachability and self-assurance in social situations.

I recall one time at my local park (where I often roam around with my grandkids and my dog, Lottie), a new neighbor came over to introduce himself. He extended his hand firmly yet gently, made direct eye contact, and gave me a quick, friendly smile. 

Just like that, I knew he was someone open and comfortable in social settings. That handshake felt genuine, not forced or overly aggressive.

A caveat: you need to respect personal space—everyone has different boundaries. But if you can sense someone is receptive, a handshake or a brief tap on the shoulder can go a long way in showing warmth, confidence, and connection.

6) They have a calm, steady voice

I’m no know-it-all, but in my own conversations, I’ve noticed that when I’m confident about a subject, my tone naturally remains measured. If, on the other hand, I’m unsure or nervous, my speech often speeds up, my volume drops, or I insert too many “um”s and “uh”s. 

One trick that’s helped me is pausing to breathe at the end of a sentence. It sounds obvious, but in the heat of the moment—especially if you’re feeling self-conscious—it’s easy to forget.

When you keep your voice steady and just loud enough to be heard comfortably, you’re essentially telling people, “I’m here, and I value this exchange.” And they’ll usually respond by paying closer attention to what you have to say.

7) They wear a genuine smile

Finally but perhaps most importantly, a real smile is the hallmark of someone who feels at ease with themselves and those around them. 

It’s not the forced, “Say cheese” kind of grin; it’s the one that reaches the eyes. This type of smile can instantly break tension, invite conversation, and let everyone know you’re open to connection.

It broadcasts trust and approachability. Whether you’re greeting a new colleague, meeting a neighbor’s friend, or checking out at the grocery store, an unforced grin sends a message that you’re content in your own skin.

Wrapping it all up

If you’re looking to exude a little more poise, try incorporating just one or two of these body language habits at a time. 

Practice standing taller, maintaining steady eye contact, or slowing your movements. Notice how those small shifts can lead to big changes in how you feel—and how others respond.

Here’s hoping these tips give you that extra boost you need to show up as your best self, both inside and out. Who knows? Maybe the next time you walk into a room, you’ll be that quietly magnetic presence that everyone else can’t help but notice.