For the better part of 35 years, I worked in middle management at an insurance company. And let me tell you, saying yes was practically part of my job description.

Extra project? Sure. Weekend work? Why not. Another meeting right when I should’ve been heading out to my son’s soccer game? Well, I couldn’t let the team down, could I?

Except I was letting someone down. Multiple someones, actually.

I missed too many school plays, too many soccer games, too many moments that I’ll never get back. And here’s the kicker: most of those yeses weren’t even necessary. They were just easier than saying no.

It took me decades (and some tough lessons about boundaries) to figure out that protecting your time isn’t selfish. It’s essential. And you can do it without torching your relationships in the process.

1) “I’d love to help, but I’m at capacity right now”

This one saved my sanity more times than I can count.

The beauty of this phrase is that it’s honest without being apologetic. You’re not making excuses or listing every item on your to-do list. You’re simply stating a fact: you’re maxed out.

I learned this the hard way during my perfectionist years. I’d take on everything, thinking I could somehow do it all flawlessly.

Spoiler alert: I couldn’t. And the quality of my work suffered, not to mention my health and my relationships.

When someone asks you to take on something new, remember that your current commitments deserve your full attention. That report you’re working on, that project you promised to finish, even that morning walk with your dog (I walk Lottie every morning at 6:30 AM, rain or shine, and it keeps me sane) are all valid reasons to be at capacity.

2) “Let me check my schedule and get back to you”

Here’s a trick that would’ve saved me years of regret: never say yes on the spot.

This phrase buys you time to actually think about whether you want to or should commit. Plus, it makes you look organized rather than indecisive.

I spent years as a chronic people-pleaser, immediately agreeing to requests only to regret them five minutes later. A colleague once asked me to take lead on a project right as I was walking out the door, and I said yes without thinking. That decision cost me another missed evening at home.

The pause this phrase creates is powerful. It lets you check your actual commitments, consider the request properly, and craft a thoughtful response. Sometimes you’ll realize you can help. Other times, you’ll return with a polite decline or a counter-offer.

3) “I can’t do that, but I can do this instead”

Not every no has to be a complete shutdown.

During my years witnessing office conflicts, I noticed something interesting. The people who navigated boundaries best weren’t the ones who said no to everything. They were the ones who offered alternatives.

Maybe you can’t chair the committee, but you could attend a meeting or two. Perhaps you can’t volunteer every weekend, but you could help once a month. You’re not taking on more than you can handle, but you’re also showing you care.

This approach works wonders in personal relationships too. Can’t make it to dinner on Friday? Suggest coffee on Tuesday instead. Can’t help with the entire project? Offer to review the final draft.

4) “That doesn’t fit my priorities right now”

I’ll be honest: this one took me until my late 50s to say comfortably.

There’s something powerful about naming your priorities out loud. It forces you to be clear about what actually matters to you, and it gives others insight into your decision-making.

When I finally ended a toxic friendship that had been draining my energy for years, I had to learn this phrase. The friend kept pulling me into drama and demanding my time for problems he wasn’t willing to solve. Eventually, I had to say it: “I care about you, but this dynamic doesn’t fit my priorities anymore.”

Was it awkward? Absolutely. But it was also necessary.

Your priorities might be your health, your family, your career development, or your peace of mind. Whatever they are, they’re valid. And stating them clearly helps others understand your choices aren’t personal rejections.

5) “I’m honored you thought of me, but I’ll have to pass”

Starting with gratitude takes the sting out of the no.

I’ve mentioned this before, but back in my 40s, my wife and I went through marriage counseling. One of the biggest lessons? How you deliver a message matters as much as the message itself. This applies to turning down requests too.

When you acknowledge that someone values you enough to ask, you’re validating their feelings before setting your boundary. It’s a small gesture that makes a big difference.

This works particularly well for opportunities that genuinely are flattering, but simply aren’t right for you. Maybe it’s an invitation to speak at an event, join a board, or take on a prestigious project. You can appreciate the gesture while still declining.

6) “I need to focus on my existing commitments”

One of my biggest regrets from my working years is that I didn’t protect my existing commitments fiercely enough. I’d agree to new things while barely keeping up with what I’d already promised. Everything suffered as a result.

When you frame your no around honoring your current commitments, you’re actually demonstrating integrity. You’re showing that when you say yes to something, you mean it. That’s the kind of person others want to work with.

7) “Thanks for understanding”

End with this, and watch what happens.

When you thank someone for their understanding before they’ve even responded, you’re assuming the best of them. And most people will rise to meet that expectation.

It also closes the conversation gracefully. You’re not leaving room for negotiation or guilt-tripping. You’ve stated your boundary, acknowledged their request, and moved forward.

I use this all the time now, from declining social invitations to turning down work requests. Nine times out of ten, people do understand. And that tenth person? Well, their reaction tells you everything you need to know about the relationship.

Conclusion

Learning to protect your time doesn’t happen overnight. It took me the better part of six decades to figure out that saying no isn’t cruel, it’s honest. And honesty, delivered with kindness, rarely burns bridges worth keeping.

Start small. Pick one phrase that feels natural and try it this week. Notice how liberating it feels to honor your time and energy.

What would change in your life if you said no to just one thing that’s been draining you?