Parenting isn’t exactly a walk in the park.

You love your kids, and you’re doing your best to raise them right. But there are moments when you feel like you’re losing their respect, bit by bit.

It’s not like they’re rebelling or acting out dramatically. It’s just those subtle signs that make you feel like something’s not right.

You try to pinpoint where things went wrong, what you could have done differently. But it’s not always easy to see the picture when you’re inside the frame.

Now, let’s talk about something that may be a tough pill to swallow. There are habits, routines, patterns that we, as parents, tend to fall into. These habits can gradually erode the respect that our children have for us. And many times, we might not even realize we’re doing them.

In this article, I’m going to share with you eight habits that can cause our kids to slowly lose respect for us. 

1) Consistent inconsistency

Kids, much like adults, crave a sense of stability and consistency.

They want to know that they can trust their parents to follow through on what they say. When we constantly change our minds or fail to keep our promises, it sends a message to our kids that our words can’t be trusted.

It’s not about being inflexible or rigid. Life happens, and sometimes plans need to change. But if inconsistency becomes the norm rather than the exception, it chips away at the foundation of trust and respect.

Just think about it. If you had a friend who constantly broke promises, would you respect them as much? Probably not.

Same goes with our kids. They look up to us. They’re watching us, learning from us. And when we don’t walk our talk, it creates a disconnect between what we say and what we do.

And slowly but surely, that respect starts to fade.

2) Lack of active listening

Remember those times when you were in the middle of a conversation and you could tell the other person wasn’t really listening? It hurts, doesn’t it? It makes you feel unimportant, even invisible.

I recall a time with my own daughter. She was telling me about her day at school, about a science project she was really excited about. But I was preoccupied with work, half-listening while checking emails on my phone.

She suddenly went quiet and when I looked up, I saw the disappointment in her eyes. It hit me like a ton of bricks.

In that moment, I was teaching her that her interests, her excitement, her feelings were less important than my emails. That’s a hard pill to swallow.

Active listening is more than just hearing words. It’s about being present, showing interest, validating feelings. When we fail to do this consistently, our kids may start to feel that their thoughts and feelings are insignificant.

3) Failing to show respect

Fred Rogers, the beloved children’s television host, once said:

“Mutual caring relationships require kindness and patience, tolerance, optimism, joy in the other’s achievements, confidence in oneself, and the ability to give without undue thought of gain.”

This quote resonates deeply with me and has profound implications for parenting.

Respect is a two-way street. If we want our kids to respect us, we must show them respect too. It’s not about being friends with our children or letting them do whatever they want. It’s about acknowledging their individuality, their feelings, their thoughts and ideas.

I’ve seen parents dismiss their kids’ opinions because they’re ‘too young’ or ‘don’t understand the real world’. But the truth is, every opinion matters.

Every feeling matters. And when we dismiss them, we’re inadvertently teaching our kids that their voices are not important.

4) Overemphasis on perfection

Did you know that children who grow up with perfectionist parents tend to have higher levels of stress, anxiety, and depression?

It’s a harsh reality that many of us might not be aware of. We want our kids to do well, to excel, to be the best they can be. And there’s nothing wrong with that.

The problem arises when our expectations become unrealistic. When we expect them to be perfect all the time. When we focus so much on the outcome that we forget to appreciate the effort.

I’ve seen parents scold their kids for getting a B instead of an A, for missing a goal in a soccer game, for not living up to their expectations. What message does that send? That they’re not good enough unless they’re perfect?

This habit can slowly chip away at their self-esteem, and in turn, their respect for us. Because respect is not just about authority and obedience, it’s also about understanding and empathy.

5) Neglecting self-care

Here’s something many of us parents might not consider. How we treat ourselves sets an example for our kids on how they should treat themselves and others.

When we constantly put ourselves last, when we neglect our physical, emotional and mental wellbeing, it sends a message to our kids that self-care is not important. It also models a lifestyle that’s unsustainable and can lead to burnout.

It’s like the old saying goes – you can’t pour from an empty cup. We need to take care of ourselves so we can take care of our kids.

By practicing self-care, we’re not only taking care of our own health and well-being, but we’re also teaching our kids about the importance of self-respect and setting boundaries. 

6) Avoiding difficult conversations

Life isn’t always sunshine and rainbows. It’s filled with challenges, hardships, and difficult situations. As parents, we might think we’re protecting our kids by shielding them from these realities. But are we really?

When we avoid difficult conversations, be it about a family crisis, death, or social issues, we’re subtly telling our children that it’s not okay to talk about tough things. We’re teaching them to suppress their emotions, to sweep their feelings under the rug.

It’s okay to show our vulnerability. It’s okay to not have all the answers. By engaging in these difficult conversations, we’re teaching our kids that it’s okay to feel, to be human.

Avoiding these conversations can slowly erode their respect for us because it creates a barrier of understanding. Open communication is key in maintaining and nurturing respect in any relationship, including the one with our kids.

7) Lack of empathy

Empathy, the ability to understand and share the feelings of another, is a vital part of human relationships.

As parents, it’s easy to get caught up in our own world, our own problems. We might forget that our kids have their own struggles too. They experience disappointment, fear, joy, excitement – just like us.

When we dismiss their feelings as trivial or compare their problems to ‘real-world’ issues, we’re telling them that their feelings don’t matter.

I learned this lesson when my daughter had her first heartbreak. To me, it seemed like a minor issue compared to the challenges I was facing at work. But to her, it was the world coming down.

By brushing off her feelings, I was inadvertently undermining her experiences. It was a wake-up call for me to step back and remember what it was like to be a teenager in love for the first time.

8) Not acknowledging mistakes

Nobody’s perfect, parents included. We all make mistakes. But how we handle those mistakes can make all the difference in our relationship with our kids.

When we mess up, it’s tempting to sweep it under the rug, to pretend like it didn’t happen. But what message does that send to our kids? That it’s not okay to make mistakes? That it’s better to hide them than face them?

By admitting our mistakes, we’re teaching our kids that it’s okay to be wrong. It’s okay to admit when you’ve messed up. It’s not a sign of weakness but a sign of strength.

This habit of acknowledging our mistakes can help foster a sense of respect in our kids. It shows them that we’re human and that we’re willing to take responsibility for our actions.

Remember, respect is earned, not given. And one of the best ways to earn respect is by showing them how we handle our own mistakes.

Embracing the journey

Parenting is a beautiful, challenging, and ever-evolving journey. And like any journey, there are bound to be bumps along the way. 

Here’s something to remember – acknowledging these habits isn’t about feeling guilty or beating ourselves up. It’s about growth, learning, and making conscious efforts to improve as parents.

Change doesn’t happen overnight, and old habits die hard. But with patience, compassion, and consistent effort, you can start to shift these patterns. Each small change contributes to a healthier, more respectful relationship with your children.

So let’s strive to leave bright patterns of love, understanding, and respect in our parenting journey. Because at the end of the day, that’s what our kids will remember most.