Here’s what I’ve learned after six decades on this planet: the people who truly thrive aren’t the ones who avoid setbacks – they’re the ones who face them head-on and keep moving forward.

If you’ve weathered even half of these challenges and you’re still standing, you’ve got more grit than you probably give yourself credit for.

1. You’ve had to end a relationship that was holding you back

Whether it’s romantic, professional, or friendship – cutting ties with someone who’s become toxic or limiting takes serious courage.

I once had to fire someone who’d become a close friend over the years. We’d shared family barbecues, our kids played together, and suddenly I had to sit across from him and tell him he no longer had a job.

The guilt nearly ate me alive. But sometimes being tough means making decisions that hurt in the moment but are necessary for everyone’s long-term wellbeing. If you’ve done this, you know the weight of choosing growth over comfort.

2. Your marriage or long-term relationship hit rock bottom

Ever found yourself sitting in your car in the driveway, keys in hand, wondering if you should even go inside?

When my wife and I nearly divorced in our early fifties, I thought our story was over. We’d become roommates who barely spoke, ships passing in the night.

But we fought for it. We clawed our way back through counseling, brutal honesty, and more uncomfortable conversations than I can count. Not every relationship should be saved, but if you’ve been through this fire and emerged stronger – or had the strength to leave when necessary – you’ve conquered one of life’s toughest battles.

3. You’ve made a parenting mistake that still haunts you

Remember when you thought you had all the answers about raising kids? Yeah, me too. I was so controlling about my eldest daughter’s college choices that I nearly drove a permanent wedge between us. I thought I was protecting her from making “mistakes,” but I was really just projecting my own fears.

The toughest parents aren’t the perfect ones – they’re the ones who mess up, own it, and rebuild those bridges. If you’ve had to apologize to your kids for getting it wrong, you know this particular brand of humble pie.

4. Your health gave you a wake-up call

At 58, I found myself in an emergency room with chest pains, convinced I was having a heart attack. Turned out to be a warning shot – stress-induced, but serious enough to scare me straight.

Have you been there? That moment when your mortality stops being theoretical and becomes very, very real? If you’ve faced a health crisis and used it as a catalyst for change rather than an excuse to give up, you’re in rarified air.

5. You’ve battled the darkness 

After retirement, I spent months on the couch, wondering what the hell my purpose was anymore. No meetings to attend, no problems to solve, no team depending on me. Just… nothing.

Sadness and despair don’t care about your accomplishments or your bank account.

Fighting your way out of that pit requires a strength that most people can’t even imagine. If you’ve been in that darkness and found your way back to the light – especially if you’re still fighting – you’re warrior-level tough.

6. You’ve lost someone way too soon

My younger brother died in a motorcycle accident when I was 35. One phone call, and the world tilted off its axis. There’s no preparing for that kind of loss, no manual for processing grief that arrives decades before it should.

If you’ve lost someone who should have had more time and you’re still here, still functioning, still finding moments of joy – that’s not just tough, that’s heroic.

7. A financial disaster knocked you flat

Ever lost money so spectacularly that you couldn’t tell anyone the real number?

In my forties, I made an investment that seemed like a sure thing. Spoiler alert: there’s no such thing. The loss was devastating – not just financially, but to my ego.

Rebuilding from financial ruin requires swallowing your pride, learning from your mistakes, and having the guts to try again. If you’ve been there and climbed back out, you’ve got resilience most people only dream of.

8. You’ve supported someone through mental illness

Watching my middle child struggle was like being in a fight where I couldn’t see the opponent. You want to fix it, to make it better, but mental illness doesn’t work that way.

If you’ve been the support system for someone battling their own mind, you know it takes a special kind of strength to be steady when everything feels chaotic.

9. Your career ended before you were ready

When the company downsized and offered me early retirement at 62, it felt less like a golden parachute and more like being pushed off a cliff. My identity was so wrapped up in my work that I didn’t know who I was without it.

Starting over when you thought you had it all figured out? That’s tough. Finding new purpose when your old one is yanked away? That’s tougher. If you’ve reinvented yourself after a career setback, you’re made of stronger stuff than most.

10. You’ve watched your mistakes repeated by those you love

Nothing prepares you for watching your children become parents and seeing them struggle with the same things you did – or worse, seeing them deal with the consequences of your parenting mistakes. It’s like watching a movie where you know the ending but can’t change it.

If you’ve had to make peace with your past mistakes while watching their ripple effects, that takes a level of emotional maturity and toughness that few achieve.

Final thoughts

Here’s the thing about being tough: it’s not about being unbreakable. It’s about breaking and choosing to heal, falling and deciding to get up, failing and having the courage to try again.

If you’ve faced even a few of these setbacks and you’re still here, still trying, still showing up – you’re tougher than you know. And honestly? The world needs more people like you, people who’ve been tested by fire and emerged not unscathed, but undaunted.

Keep going. Your resilience is inspiring more people than you realize.