Have you ever wondered why a woman who seemed to be so into you upon first meeting you suddenly changed her mind?

Chances are, you felt extremely confused. What flipped the switch? Did you do something that turned her off? Or was she just not feeling it anymore, with no fault on your part?

We’re about to solve that riddle once and for all.

Here are the 8 little-known things men do that can turn women off.

Ready?

Let’s go!

1) They lack conversational skills

Look, it’s okay to be nervous, especially if you like someone a great deal.

No one in their right mind expects you to be completely chill on the first or second date. You’re entering a brand new territory, there’s a romantic or sexual undertone to the interaction, and if you’re just meeting the person for the first time ever, you’re hanging out with a stranger.

There’s a lot to feel anxious about.

But while a bit of stuttering or a few awkward silences are to be expected, men who lack conversational skills altogether are a different story entirely.

So, what do I mean by “conversational skills”?

Active listening. No interrupting. Recognizing when you’ve talked for too long and shifting the conversation in a new direction. Asking questions.

As psychologist and personal coach Marty Nemko PhD writes, “The art of questioning is an under-considered key to professional and personal success. It makes people feel cared about and you get to learn, especially if you ask good questions.” 

These are all vital skills that women adore because they allow for a meaningful and respectful discussion that’s enjoyable for both parties.

Men who don’t ask a single question and then say, “You’re so different, I love that about you” display an obvious lack of interest in the woman’s mind. And that’s a big turn-off.

2) They try too hard to be funny

Research shows that women prefer men who are funny.

That one’s quite obvious. When men make women laugh, they increase their charisma, not to mention that shared humor strengthens a sense of friendship and even attraction.

The issue is that some men try a bit too hard, and when the joke doesn’t land, the woman in question laughs out of compassion – she doesn’t want him to feel embarrassed – rather than genuine enjoyment.

There’s simply no need to sprinkle in jokes every five minutes. You don’t have to turn every situation or phrase into something hilarious.

In fact, most women prefer it when men are being authentically themselves rather than when they try to make them laugh at every turn.

Let your humor come out naturally. Don’t force it.

3) They immediately fact-check everything women tell them

We live at a time when fact-checking is an absolutely sensible thing to do. The internet is drowning in fake news, after all, and so it makes complete sense for you to double-check the information you’re given.

However, I’ve met and heard of way too many men who fact-check things that women who are experts in the field share with them.

If a marine biologist tells you something you didn’t know about starfish, do you really need to ask Google just to make sure? And if you do want to check, can you not do it later at home?

Men who mansplain or fact-check all the time are a big turn-off for women because they’re indirectly saying that they don’t consider the woman in question intelligent enough to back up her information with credible sources.

In other words, they don’t trust her to know what she’s talking about.

…which is a big red flag.

4) They are rude to family members or strangers

The sad truth is that many men are only pleasant to women they find attractive. This isn’t to say all men are like that, of course, but it does happen quite frequently.

This is why a lot of the women I know (me included) watch out for how a man treats complete strangers or his family members. This tells us a great deal about who he is as a person when sexual attraction is out of the picture.

Psychologists agree. Omar Ruiz, LMFT, has said, “If they can treat that person without regard, what will stop them from treating you the same way?” He views rudeness to strangers as a deal-breaker in a romantic relationship, and there’s no wonder why. It truly does say a lot about a person’s character.

The sudden switch from being kind to acting rude comes as a shock to many women, and soon after, they realize they find it repelling because the man’s behavior is too inconsistent, flipping between two radical ends of the spectrum.

5) They seek validation from women

“The need for approval and the quest to impress others can push you away from who you are,” psychologists say.

Not only that but it also drives many women away from you.

Why?

Because they can see through the pretense. And they don’t like it one bit.

From subtle bragging to open boasting or fishing for compliments, men who display validation-seeking behavior just aren’t it.

After a few hours of conversation, it becomes clear that they are more interested in boosting their self-esteem than in forming a genuine connection with someone, and as a woman comes to realize that, she starts to lose interest.

Most women are attracted to genuine confidence possessed by men who are truly comfortable in their own skin. They can tell when you’re using their interest as an ego boost.

6) They play hard to get

In our day and age, it’s completely normal for women to show initiative and ask a man out, which is amazing. However, it doesn’t mean that men can just sit back, relax, and play hard to get.

In fact, an emotionally mature woman will view this kind of avoidance and hesitation as a big turn-off. She wants someone who is open about his feelings, who takes initiative, and who goes after what he wants.

If you play it low-key, what is your behavior really saying?

It’s saying you can’t be bothered. It’s saying you’re not interested. And a lack of interest and drive is as far from attractive as you can get.

Moreover, researcher Karen Stollznow PhD says that “playing hard to get can lead to misunderstandings and ultimately result in a missed connection. In addition to these issues, research shows that playing hard to get can attract people who aren’t into commitment and so it may not be a successful long-term dating strategy.”

To sum it up, this mind game doesn’t really work.

7) They don’t understand how quality time works

I once dated a guy who thought that playing different video games while sitting next to each other was quality time.

Don’t get me wrong, I always enjoy a bit of quiet hanging out while we both do our own thing, but his complete lack of interest in forming any deeper connection really put me off.

Psychologist Mark Travers PhD explains that “quality time is all about giving undivided attention to your partner, whether you are on a walk, watching a movie, or simply sitting together.”

When you’re watching a film, you’re both fully focused on it and have a conversation about it once it ends.

When you’re on a walk, you have an interesting discussion that brings you closer or share a comfortable moment of silence where you’re both present with each other.

I could go on and on, but you probably get the gist. It’s all about prioritizing the other person in the moment; about showing them that they interest you and that you truly want to be there.

When a man is always occupied with something else, when he frequently looks at his phone or suddenly isn’t interested in any meaningful conversations after a few weeks or months of dating…

It’s yet another turn-off.

8) They show subtle signs of disrespect

Disrespect can be both obvious and subtle. Of course, they both drive women away, but the latter can be a bit more difficult to spot.

Here are a few examples:

• A man buys a woman another alcoholic drink after she told him she didn’t want to drink anymore
• A man reacts to a woman’s refusal to do something she’s uncomfortable with by saying things such as “Come on, live a little”
• A man tests and pushes an already-stated boundary to see how far he can go
• A man pretends he didn’t understand a clearly stated boundary to avoid taking accountability

These are all so subtle that you may not even notice them in the moment, but over time, they pile up.

And once a woman realizes she doesn’t feel safe with the man in question, she begins to withdraw. Understandably so.

The eight above-mentioned signs boil down to one big lesson: women don’t like it when men try to be something they’re not, pretend, and display disrespectful behavior.

Be kind, be respectful, be authentic. And watch your relationships transform.