Romantic chemistry is important. Without a spark, it’s hard to have a fire. 

Still: that spark can be quite small at first and subtle. 

So how can you know for sure if there’s any chemistry to begin with? And if you’re feeling like there’s a connection, how can you know if the other person is feeling similar chemistry to what you’re feeling?

If it seems like there’s no chemistry happening take a look at the following body language cues that show chemistry isn’t present (at least not for the other person).

1) Low-key avoidance of eye contact

When there’s a lack of chemistry, eye contact tends to be iffy or not even present. 

If the two individuals (or one of the individuals) are not locking gazes, it signals either insecurity and nerves or a lack of romantic or sexual chemistry. 

The opposite can be seen when there is strong chemistry: 

As neuroscientist and Professor Lucy Brown, PhD. observes at the American Psychological Association: 

“People in love have this symbiotic, synergistic connection thanks to the mirror neuron system, and that’s why we often say some couples are better together than the sum of their parts.” 

Keys to watch for: they look to the side or beyond you. It feels like you need to keep catching their gaze.

2) Closed-off posture and position

We all hold ourselves differently and inhabit unique psychological realities internally. 

But when there are numerous signs of somebody having closed-off body language and an oppositional or avoidant body position, it means there’s usually a lack of chemistry. 

This rarely tends to be just nerves or an insecure person:

It’s usually a sign of a lack of chemistry (at least on their part). 

Keys to watch for: their feet are pointed away from you and their body is closed off with crossed arms, hunched over, faced to the side, and so forth.

3) Subtle evasion of physical touch

Subtle physical touches, whether it’s a light touch on the arm or a guiding hand on the shoulder when pulling out a chair for somebody are classic parts of the seductive dance. 

When these don’t happen, there’s a problem occurring in the chemistry department. 

In particular, discomfort with non-invasive physical proximity is often a sign of a lack of chemistry or even active dislike. 

Keys to watch for: they recoil if you touch them and subtly shrink away if you get physically close.      

4) Lack of mirroring 

When there’s strong chemistry, people tend to mirror each other in terms of body language and verbal interaction as well. 

A strong lack of mirroring and one or both individuals remaining quite wooden and non-expressive is generally a sign of a lack of chemistry.

“Forging high-chemistry connections might involve the activation of mirror neurons in our brains. 

For example, in order to gather evidence that they are on the same page with their shared experience, partners may coordinate emotions and behaviors by mirroring each other’s facial expressions,” notes psychologist Marianna Pogosyan, PhD.

Keys to watch for: they don’t listen much to what you say and repeat anything and on the physical side they don’t mirror your body language or gestures at all. 

5) Minimal smiling or laughter

When there’s chemistry, it tends to coincide with laughter and a mutual appreciation of each person’s humor. 

A lack of chemistry can be seen in overly stiff and formal interactions without much smiling or laughter. 

Whereas laughter and smiles release dopamine and oxytocin bonding chemicals, a lack of this signifies a removed and detached interaction:

There’s just not a lot of chemistry there (at least not on both sides). 

Keys to watch for: they barely ever smile or laugh even when you joke. If they do laugh it seems forced or done in order to be nice. 

6) Fidgeting and bodyweight shifting

Fidgeting and body weight shifting around can indicate nervousness and a lack of feeling confident, of course. 

But when one or both individuals are itching to get going and sending out body language signals about wanting to leave, it’s rarely because there’s too much chemistry.

Common signs also include shifting their eyes to the side frequently or toward the exit, tapping of their feet, shifting bodyweight nervously, or subtle checking of their phone or watch. 

Keys to watch for: when you interact, they shift their body weight around as if getting impatient or nervous.

7) Vocal lack of tonality and minimal conversational interest

When there’s chemistry, the conversation tends to be quite intense and interesting:

Even if there aren’t a lot of words being said, there’s a dynamic range of vocal tone and verbal expression. There’s a lot of emotion being shared and transmitted. 

A lack of chemistry, by contrast, means wooden, boring conversations and passive, unexpressive vocal tone:

It sounds like two tape recordings speaking to each other, not two engaged and interested human beings. 

“By far the greatest contributor to romantic chemistry is conversation,” notes philosopher and mental health writer Paul Thagard, PhD., adding that “People form better social connections in conversation when they respond to each other quickly.”

Keys to watch for: their vocal tone is bored and monotonous. They don’t put inflection in their words.

8) Subconscious blocking action

Another little-known body language sign that signifies a lack of chemistry is a subconscious blocking maneuver:

This often occurs when one or both people place objects such as a bag or books between the other. 

This unintentionally and subconsciously creates a physical barrier, signaling discomfort or a desire to create space.

Keys to watch for: they place an object between the two of you. 

9) Mismatched body language

Contradictory body language, such as nodding while shaking one’s head or smiling while exhibiting tense facial muscles, can suggest mixed feelings or internal conflict.

If this is occurring between two people it indicates a fairly significant level of discomfort and potentially large lack of chemistry. 

At the very least, there is internal conflict and confusion going on and the interaction is not leading to really connecting in a genuine or meaningful way. 

Keys to watch for: their body language is way off from what they’re saying. 

10) Not leaning in  

When there’s strong chemistry (or even medium or light chemistry) it’s often accompanied by closer physical proximity. 

One or both individuals subtly lean in, getting closer to each other, making eye contact, and becoming expressive and engaged. 

The opposite of this is telling of a lack of romantic chemistry:

Avoiding leaning toward the other person during conversation can signal a lack of interest or investment in the interaction.

Keys to watch for: They’re subtly angled away from you and seem physically disengaged. 

11) Signs of physical exhaustion and boredom

Lastly in terms of signs that romantic chemistry isn’t present, one or both individuals are signaling physical exhaustion and boredom. 

This is a way to signify that the people don’t want to put more into this interaction:

Whether it’s an online date or a couple who are bored of each other, this exhaustion is a lack of romantic chemistry and interest percolating through the body. 

It’s a clear telegram that one or both people don’t want to put in the time or energy to see if chemistry eventually does develop. And that in itself signifies a lack of chemistry (and a lack of shared commitment!)

As Thagard points out:

“Chemistry does not happen all at once but depends on how the interaction develops. Initial awkwardness may be overcome by increasing amounts of mutual fun and interest.”

Keys to watch for: they act impatient and exhausted around you as if it’s painful to listen to you and be around you.

Chemistry lessons

If any of the above signs are showing up in a relationship or a dating situation, they signify a lack of chemistry. 

That said:

Chemistry is always unique between individuals. 

Each couple will have their own experience of the chemistry they feel with their significant other; every single individual will have their own reaction to finding chemistry or perceiving the lack of it. 

“No two relationships are the same. Each couple creates their own rules of engagement,” advises sex therapist Jenni Skyler, PhD. 

“I believe couples have to determine what aspects of chemistry are important to them both and be committed to nurturing them.”