I’ve always believed that a good life doesn’t happen by accident; it happens by design.

That’s not to say that outside circumstances don’t play a role – sometimes life throws things our way that are completely beyond our control.

But more often than not, it’s our daily choices, our seemingly insignificant habits, that ultimately define the quality of our life.

So, if you’re wondering why you’re not quite where you want to be, it might be time to take a closer look at those small, daily actions.

Here are 8 subtle habits that could be standing between you and the good life you want to live.

1) Complaining

So…people are annoying. The bus is always late. You always have too much work. And why is the traffic always so mind-numbingly bad?

I get it – life is hard sometimes. And venting can feel really good in the moment. But did you know that constant complaining actually rewires your brain for negativity?

In fact, neuro/psych researcher Steven Parton even goes so far as to say that complaining literally kills you. Every time you complain, you’re:

• Releasing the stress hormone cortisol
• Weakening your immune system
• Raising your blood pressure
• Increasing your risk of heart disease, obesity, diabetes, and many other ailments

Living a good life begins with, first and foremost, seeing it as a good life. The more you focus on what’s wrong, the harder it becomes to see what’s right.

The opposite is true as well – focus on gratitude and possibilities, and the easier it becomes to see how good you’ve actually got it going.

2) Focusing too much on perfection

While we’re on the topic of focus, do you tend to spend too much time agonizing over perfection? That could be getting in the way of a good life more than you think.

I used to be a perfectionist myself (and an overthinker, too, as the two habits often go hand in hand).

I was even proud of it, thinking that it made me better than everyone else. I convinced myself that my drive for perfection was a sign of ambition and high standards.

But if you’d peeked into my head at the time, you’d probably find a lot of angst. Insecurity. A constant worry that nothing I did was ever good enough.

The truth is, perfectionism doesn’t lead to happiness. Constantly second-guessing yourself will always lead to stress and burnout. It will make you go way more slowly and miss some opportunities in the process.

If you’re stuck in this kind of loop, author and motivational speaker Morra Aarons-Mele offers a few suggestions to be free of it:

• Find the motivation to tackle perfectionism. Ask yourself this question: What are you missing out on because you’re scared to be less than perfect?
• Isolate your inner critic.
• Learn to set “enough” goals.

Life is too short to spend it agonizing over every detail when “good enough” is often all you need to move ahead.

3) Procrastinating on important tasks

On the surface, procrastination may look like the opposite behavior of perfectionism. But the funny thing is, these two behaviors have the same root in common: anxiety.

According to Khiron Clinics, people procrastinate due to several reasons:

• A need for control
• Being overwhelmed
• Fear of failure

They also say, “Although a task may make people feel anxious, putting it off can make them feel more anxious and create more dread around the task in the long run.”

It’s a cycle, and a vicious one at that.

Add to that the research findings that procrastinators often get worse sleep and feel tired during the day, and you can see how this habit gets in the way of a good life.

4) Overcommitting and spreading yourself too thin

Speaking of tiredness, is your schedule full to the brim? If the answer is yes, then you’re not really living a good life.

Like I said, a good life is a well-designed one. This means you’re intentional about how you spend your time.

So ignore the glorification of busyness. Overcommitting doesn’t make you more productive; it just drains your energy and lowers the quality of everything you do.

Start designing your life by prioritizing. By saying “no” when you need to. By opening up time for what truly brings you value and joy.

5) Constantly seeking external validation

One of the life lessons I wish I’d learned much earlier is to stop seeking external validation. I could’ve saved myself so much time and energy!

Trying to prove myself to others, looking for approval in every decision, and relying on compliments to feel good…it was exhausting.

Nevertheless, I’m glad I eventually figured it out. And when I did, I found myself feeling so much freer.

In his book “The Courage to be Disliked”, author Ishiro Kishimi said, “The courage to be happy also includes the courage to be disliked. When you have gained that courage, your interpersonal relationships will all at once change into things of lightness.”

So dig deep and find that courage within yourself. I guarantee that once you find it, you’ll be living more authentically. 

6) Comparing yourself to others

Equally exhausting is the habit of comparison. Be honest – don’t you find it draining when you look at other people’s lives and find yours…lacking?

It’s a completely natural instinct, but that doesn’t mean we should always engage in it. Or if we do, let’s do it in a useful way, as Sarah Cramoysan of Positive Psychology People advises.

How does that work? By shifting our perspective to one of learning.

“Use downward comparison to ground yourself and become appreciative of what you have now. But you can look upward and forward too – use a sprinkling of upward comparison to inspire yourself and learn from other’s achievements,” Cramoysan explains.

7) Avoiding uncomfortable situations

This might sound counterintuitive, but honestly, it’s not. Learning to be comfortable with discomfort is actually one of the most valuable lessons I’ve learned in life.

You see, a good life isn’t one that’s always comfortable. It’s one where you’re always growing and learning.

Unfortunately, you just can’t do that if you’re always in your comfort zone. Life might be easy there, but believe me, there will come a point when it feels meaningless.

For instance, if you shy away from difficult conversations, then issues will never be resolved, and your relationship won’t get any deeper.

If you say no to things that look challenging, then you’ll never find out how much more you’re capable of.

Facing discomfort head-on builds resilience, confidence, and new skills, all of which are crucial for creating a vibrant and fulfilling life. 

8) Engaging in negative self-talk

Finally, let’s talk about our inner voice. This is perhaps the most important factor in determining whether we have a good life or not. Whether we have an empowered life or a self-destructive one.

According to Psychology Today, “The problem with negative self-talk is that it typically does not reflect reality, and so it can convince people, wrongly, that they are not only not good enough, but that they can never get better.”

In fact, it’s so powerful that what we experience on the inside can drown out almost everything else if we let it. So yes, it can be absolutely self-sabotaging.

If you want to live a good life, start looking at your inner voice. Be kind to yourself and give yourself the same encouragement you’d offer a friend.

The good life starts with a good mindset, and that begins by nurturing a supportive, empowering dialogue within.