When I became a parent, my most sweat-inducing moment wasn’t the idea of changing diapers and barely getting any sleep. It wasn’t realizing that my life as I’d known it has been irrevocably changed.

It was the idea that I was raising a human being (two, in fact) that would someday walk among other human beings and affect their lives. 

For me, that was a frightening thought. I didn’t want to mess up and ruin my children unwittingly. What I wanted was to teach them the right lessons so they’d grow up to be kind, decent, and self-driven people. 

Fortunately, I was also a teacher, so that helped a lot. Drawing on my studies in psychology helped me figure out the most important life lessons my kids needed. 

If you need some guidance yourself, here are the 10 life lessons we parents should always pass down to our kids, according to psychologists and child development experts: 

1) Nothing in life is free

I’ll start with a very important lesson that aims to instill the concept of hard work in children and to prevent them from developing a sense of entitlement. 

I admit that this is tricky because as parents, we want to give our kids an easy life, don’t we? I remember when I was a kid, I hated having to do chores or save up for a toy I wanted. 

I wanted the easy way out – but my mom was not having it, and so we had about a thousand little fights and rebellions. 

But now that I’m a parent myself, I totally understand. My mom was right, and child development experts agree with her. 

Kids need to learn that effort is important in life. That there’s satisfaction in earning something on their own. 

Working hard builds character and inner strength, so a strong work ethic is one of the best life lessons you can impart to your child. 

2) You don’t always get what you want

Following on from that, kids also need to learn that well, life isn’t fair. Sometimes, even if you work hard, you won’t get what you want. 

No parent wants to see their child trying and failing, or unhappy that they can’t get what they want. 

But disappointment is a part of life, and understanding this can help children cope better when things don’t go their way.

Child development specialist Becky Lennox says, “Kids need to learn how to feel disappointed and experiencing this while under a parent’s roof can only help them in the long run.” 

She further adds, “Disappointment on any level is a healthy and positive emotion that helps mold and shape a child’s emotional, intellectual and social development.”

So there…hopefully that soothes your mommy or daddy heart a little bit during those times when you’ve got to watch your child feeling sad.  

3) “No” is a complete sentence

This is a valuable life lesson that empowers your child all the way to adulthood. 

As early as possible, they need to know that they have the right to say “no” as well to things and situations that make them uncomfortable. 

“It allows children to learn to advocate for themselves,” says clinical psychologist Dr. Ramani Durvasula. “It can keep them safe. They learn to say ‘no’ to peer pressure around drugs, sex or other potentially risky behavior, to develop their sense of self and to learn to appropriately voice a preference.” 

Saying “no” builds their confidence and ability to set personal boundaries. Ultimately, it’s a word that empowers them to make choices about their lives without feeling guilty or compelled to explain why. 

What’s more, the natural offshoot of that is they also learn to respect other people’s “no”. It’s all about respecting and upholding boundaries. 

4) Be open to criticism

Now, this one’s hard, given how criticism is hard to hear, even for us adults. But it’s also why you need to teach your child how to receive it. 

Being open to feedback and criticism is part of developing emotional intelligence, and it’s definitely a skill that impacts personal and professional growth. 

How do you do it then? 

Well, for starters, model non-defensive behavior. Ask them questions, like, “What do you think about the dinner I made?” 

And if they are bold enough to say it’s, um, less than stellar, be gracious about it. 

The Family Institute recommends responding with statements like, “I appreciate your comments. I’m going to think about what you said and decide for myself what to accept and what to dismiss.”

The goal here is to show them that they have control over how to receive criticism, that they can weigh any feedback in their minds and see what’s worth taking. 

5) Keep learning new things

Do you want a child who will always feel excited to learn something new? Who can adapt to unfamiliar situations? 

Then focus on developing a growth mindset. 

In her study of children and learning attitudes, psychologist Carol Dweck found that those who were willing to continue learning despite failure were more resilient, and thus, most successful. 

When kids love learning and persist in overcoming obstacles, they will have what it takes to thrive in the real world.  

6) Run your own race, and run it with grace

Speaking of the real world, one of the most important life lessons we can arm our children with is the knowledge that they have their own race to run, and they’re free to run it at the pace they want. 

Never mind how everyone else is doing. 

Why does this matter? Because we don’t want them to fall into the trap of comparing themselves with others. 

This unfortunate habit can do some real damage to their self-esteem. We want to teach them that life isn’t a competition against others but a personal journey towards their own defined successes and happiness.

And as long as they do it with dignity and grace, they’ll be fine, with a stronger sense of self-esteem to boot.

7) If you have to choose between being right and being kind, choose kindness

I admit that this was a tough lesson for me to learn myself, much less teach it to my children. I mean, it’s hard to back down when you know you’re right, right? 

But when little people are watching, we gotta walk the talk. In this case, we have to have the grace ourselves to choose kindness over being right. 

It’s not that we want them to be weak (which, by the way, is a misconception – kindness does not mean being weak). It’s just that we want them to be caring people. 

Because ultimately, the lesson we want them to learn is that the quality of our relationships greatly impact the quality of our lives. 

Relationships are far more valuable than the temporary satisfaction of being right. Instilling this in children helps them develop empathy and compassion and maintain healthier relationships. 

8) Honesty is the best policy

This is one that was drilled into me from a very young age. It’s a cliche, yes, but it has become so because of its truth. 

Integrity might be a big word for kids, but essentially, it’s just about doing the right thing even when no one’s watching. 

And you know what? There’s a lot more to it than that. They also learn how to be accountable. They learn about consequences. They learn about trust. 

Most importantly, they learn about keeping a clean conscience, so they never lose sleep at night over an ethical dilemma when they’re grown-ups. 

Believe me, in a world that’s full of deceit and dishonesty, that’s huge.

I’m so thankful to my mom for being such a model of integrity – this way of life has truly simplified so many complex situations and problems for me! 

9) The Golden Rule

Of course, I can’t have a life lesson list without the Golden Rule – do unto others what you want others to do unto you. 

It really has stood the test of time because it fulfills a basic human need – respect. 

I love it because I believe that it brings out the best in us. We’re meant to live together harmoniously in society, and observing the Golden Rule is what helps us do that. 

10) You are important, but you are also part of something bigger than you

This is closely connected to my previous point about harmony. The reality is, after 18 years or so, we’ll let our kids loose in the world and hope to God that they behave decently and become productive members of society. 

Which is why it’s important to teach them these two things: 

First, they matter. They have intrinsic value and no one can take that away from them. 

And second, they belong to something bigger than themselves – a community, a society, a larger world. So, they need to be of value there, too. They need to understand how their actions have a ripple effect.

It’s all about balancing their sense of self-importance with a sense of responsibility. 

If they can do that, then you would’ve done your job well. You’ve raised a human being who’s kind, confident, and full of compassion – a real blessing for others.