Parenting doesn’t stop when your children turn 18. In fact, it takes on an entirely new dimension. Emotionally intelligent parents know this, and they have a knack for maintaining strong bonds with their adult children.

Emotional intelligence, or EQ, is all about recognizing, understanding, and managing emotions. It’s a powerful tool in any relationship, but it has a special role in the parent-adult child dynamic.

With the right approaches, parents can foster unbreakable bonds with their grown-up kids. And psychology gives us some insights into how this can be achieved.

I’ve got seven key things emotionally intelligent parents do that create these strong connections. And I’m going to share them with you to help you strengthen your own bond with your adult children.

Let’s dive into the world of EQ and parenting!

1) They actively listen

Active listening goes beyond just hearing the words your adult child says. It involves fully focusing, understanding, responding, and then remembering what’s being said.

It’s a crucial skill for emotionally intelligent parents who want to maintain strong relationships with their adult children.

Why is it so important? Because we all crave to be understood, and we appreciate those who make the effort to understand us.

When parents actively listen, it signals respect and validation for their adult child’s feelings and experiences.

When your adult child talks about their day, their dreams or their worries, give them your undivided attention. Show interest, ask open-ended questions and provide empathetic responses.

This simple yet powerful act can strengthen the bond between you exponentially.

2) They acknowledge and validate emotions

Emotional intelligence is all about understanding and managing emotions – both your own and others’.

As an emotionally intelligent parent, I’ve found that acknowledging and validating my adult children’s emotions is crucial in maintaining our bond.

For instance, when my son was stressed about his job search, I didn’t just brush it off with a generic “Don’t worry, it will be fine.”

Instead, I told him, “I understand why you’re feeling this way. Job hunting can be really challenging and stressful.”

This simple act of validation makes a world of difference. It lets your adult child know that their feelings are seen and understood.

It’s not about offering solutions or trying to fix the problem, but simply being there, emotionally present and supportive.

In the words of psychologist Daniel Goleman:

“If your emotional abilities aren’t in hand, if you don’t have self-awareness, if you are not able to manage your distressing emotions… then no matter how smart you are, you are not going to get very far.”

By acknowledging and validating emotions, we’re equipping our adult children with the emotional tools they need to navigate life’s ups and downs.

3) They apologize when necessary

Have you ever made a mistake that hurt your child? It’s not an easy thing to admit, but as parents, we’re human and we make mistakes.

What sets emotionally intelligent parents apart is their ability to recognize when they’ve erred and their willingness to apologize. Instead of justifying or ignoring their mistakes, they own up to them.

They apologize sincerely and show genuine remorse, teaching their adult children that it’s okay to be wrong and it’s important to make amends.

Sometimes, the apology may be for something that happened years ago. It could be an insensitive comment, a broken promise or an unfair punishment. No matter how much time has passed, it’s never too late to say “I’m sorry.”

Apologizing not only mends the relationship but also strengthens it by demonstrating honesty, vulnerability, and respect for the other person’s feelings.

4) They respect boundaries

Respecting boundaries is crucial in any relationship, especially between parents and their adult children.

Emotionally intelligent parents understand that their grown-up kids need space to make their own decisions and live their own lives.

A research led by Stanford education professor Jelena Obradović, that showed that when parents interfere too much in their adult children’s lives, it often leads to resentment and strain in the parent-child relationship.

Emotionally intelligent parents, therefore, are careful to respect boundaries.

They offer advice when asked but refrain from being overly intrusive or controlling. They understand that their role has evolved from a caregiver to more of a consultant or advisor.

By doing this, they not only preserve the bond with their adult children but also empower them to become independent and confident individuals.

It’s about knowing when to step in and when to step back – a delicate balance that emotionally intelligent parents navigate quite adeptly.

5) They show unconditional love

As cliché as it may sound, love really is the glue that holds relationships together. For emotionally intelligent parents like myself, expressing unconditional love for our adult children is second nature.

Unconditional love means loving your child regardless of their choices, actions, or life path. It’s about showing them that your love isn’t contingent on their success or failure. It’s constant, unwavering, and non-negotiable.

I remember telling my daughter during a particularly tough time in her life, “No matter what happens, I’m here for you and I love you.” That reassurance of undying love and support was a comfort to her in a chaotic time.

Unconditional love fosters self-acceptance in our adult children which in turn empowers them to grow and evolve.

By expressing unconditional love, emotionally intelligent parents reinforce the bond with their adult children and give them the emotional stability and confidence they need to navigate through life.

6) They aren’t afraid to show vulnerability

Here’s something you might not expect: emotionally intelligent parents aren’t afraid to show their vulnerability to their adult children.

It might seem counterintuitive, but showing vulnerability isn’t a sign of weakness. Instead, it’s a powerful demonstration of trust and authenticity.

Opening up about your own struggles, fears, and failures can make your adult child feel more comfortable sharing their own. It creates a safe space for honest conversation and deepens the connection between you.

Brené Brown, a renowned psychologist and research professor, has said, “Vulnerability is not winning or losing; it’s having the courage to show up and be seen when we have no control over the outcome.”

By showing vulnerability, emotionally intelligent parents are essentially telling their adult children: “It’s okay to be human. It’s okay to have flaws. It’s okay to not have all the answers.”

And that’s a powerful message that strengthens the bond between parent and child.

7) They lead by example

Lastly, emotionally intelligent parents lead by example. They don’t just preach about values and principles, they model them.

Albert Bandura, a renowned psychologist, once said, “People not only gain understanding through reflection, they evaluate and alter their own thinking.”

Simply put, actions speak louder than words. As parents, our behavior serves as a powerful lesson for our adult children. By modeling emotional intelligence ourselves, we encourage our children to do the same.

Final reflections

The journey of parenting transitions into a new phase when our children grow into adults. It’s a delicate dance – one where the steps change as time passes, and our roles evolve.

Emotionally intelligent parents understand this evolution and navigate it with grace and empathy.

They actively listen, validate emotions, apologize when needed, respect boundaries, love unconditionally, show vulnerability, and lead by example.

These practices aren’t just about fostering a strong bond with our adult children; they’re also about setting a precedent for them.

Just as they once watched us tie our shoes or cook dinner, our adult children are still looking to us – consciously or subconsciously – to learn how to navigate relationships and the world.

By employing emotional intelligence in our interactions with them, we are providing a powerful lesson in empathy, respect and love.

And perhaps most importantly, we are showing them that no matter how old they get, our bond with them is unbreakable.

As you reflect on your own relationship with your adult children, consider the power of emotional intelligence. It’s never too late to strengthen the bond you share.