Navigating the sea of love is not always smooth sailing.

Sometimes, we become our own worst enemy, sabotaging our chances at love because, deep down, we don’t believe we deserve it.

This isn’t about blaming yourself – it’s about understanding the unconscious ways you might be holding yourself back from experiencing true, enriching love.

You may find that some of these resonate with you. If so, remember, becoming aware is the first step towards change.

Let’s sail into this together, and explore how we can start feeling worthy of love and stop being our own worst critic.

After all, everyone deserves a little bit of love in their life.

1) You push people away before they have a chance to leave

Let’s start with a common self-sabotage tactic – pushing people away before they get the chance to leave you.

It’s a defense mechanism, really. We think, “If I push them away first, then it won’t hurt as much if they decide to leave.”

Unfortunately, this tactic often ends up being a self-fulfilling prophecy.

You push someone away, they leave, and it only reinforces the belief that you’re not worthy of love. It’s a vicious cycle.

But here’s the thing: everyone navigates relationships differently. And just because someone left in the past doesn’t mean everyone will.

It’s important to give each new relationship a fresh start and not let past experiences cloud your judgment or actions.

Everyone deserves love and that includes you.

Breaking this cycle is crucial in allowing yourself to embrace and enjoy love when it comes into your life.

2) You’re always expecting the worst

This one hits close to home for me. There was a point in my life where I constantly expected the worst in my relationships.

I would enter into a new relationship and immediately start worrying about the end.

I’d find myself thinking things like, “They’re going to lose interest”, or “They’re going to find someone better”.

I was so consumed by these negative expectations, that I couldn’t fully enjoy the relationship.

What I didn’t realize at the time was that I was letting my insecurity and lack of self-worth control my thoughts and actions.

In expecting the worst, I was sabotaging my chances at happiness before even giving it a fair shot.

It took some time, self-reflection, and a lot of conscious effort to break free from this pattern.

Now, I try to embrace each new relationship with optimism and trust, rather than fear and doubt.

Anticipating heartbreak doesn’t prevent it, it only prevents you from experiencing joy in the present.

3) You have a habit of settling for less

When we don’t feel worthy of love, we often settle for less than we deserve.

This can manifest in staying in unsatisfying relationships or being attracted to partners who don’t treat us well.

People with low self-esteem tend to be more tolerant of poor treatment in their romantic relationships.

They’re also more likely to blame themselves for problems and put their partner’s needs above their own.

Settling for less than you deserve is a clear sign of self-sabotage.

It’s important to remember that everyone has the right to be in a relationship where they feel valued, respected, and loved.

Don’t settle for anything less.

4) You avoid vulnerability at all costs

Vulnerability is often seen as a sign of weakness, but in reality, it’s a cornerstone of deep, meaningful connections.

When we’re vulnerable, we open ourselves up to the possibility of getting hurt.

But we also open ourselves up to the potential of love, understanding, and true connection.

If you find yourself avoiding vulnerability at all costs, it could be a sign that you don’t feel worthy of love.

You might fear that if someone sees your true self – flaws and all – they won’t want to be with you.

But the truth is, everyone has flaws and vulnerabilities. And being open about them can actually bring you closer to others.

Genuine love isn’t about being perfect – it’s about being authentically you.

5) You’re constantly seeking validation

This was another pattern I found myself falling into. I would constantly seek validation in my relationships.

It was as if I needed my partner to continually validate my worthiness of love.

If they didn’t shower me with compliments or reassure me of their feelings, I would spiral into a sea of self-doubt.

What I didn’t realize then was that this was a clear sign of my lack of self-worth.

I was outsourcing my self-esteem, making it dependent on another person’s opinion of me.

This put undue pressure on my partners and created an unhealthy dynamic in the relationship.

The key to breaking this pattern is to start validating yourself.

Know that you are worthy of love, not because someone else tells you so, but because you believe it within yourself.

6) You’re overly critical of yourself

When you don’t feel worthy of love, you often become your own harshest critic.

You nitpick at your flaws, magnify your mistakes, and downplay your accomplishments.

This critical inner voice can be incredibly damaging, not only to your self-esteem but also to your relationships.

Being overly critical of yourself can lead to feelings of insecurity and unworthiness in a relationship.

It can make you feel like you’re not good enough for your partner, leading to self-sabotage.

We all have flaws and make mistakes – it’s part of being human.

Instead of criticizing yourself for them, try to embrace them as opportunities for growth and self-improvement.

Love yourself first and the rest will follow.

7) You don’t believe you’re lovable

At the core of self-sabotaging love is this belief: you don’t think you’re lovable.

You might find it hard to believe that someone could truly love you, flaws and all.

This belief can be incredibly damaging and can lead to a self-fulfilling prophecy where you push away love because you don’t think you’re worthy of it.

But here’s the truth: You are lovable.

Not because of what you do, how you look, or what you achieve, but simply because you are you.

And that’s more than enough.

Final thoughts: Love starts within

Peeling back the layers of self-sabotage in love often leads us to one core truth: Love starts within us.

According to renowned psychologist, Carl Rogers, “The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.”

And this holds true for love. When we accept and love ourselves, we open the door to accepting and receiving love from others.

This journey towards self-love isn’t always easy.

It demands introspection, courage, and patience. But it’s a journey worth embarking on.

When we start to believe in our worthiness of love, when we stop self-sabotaging and start self-loving, that’s when we truly open ourselves up to the enriching experience of love in its purest form.

You are worthy of love, simply because you exist.

And the first person who needs to truly believe that is you.