When your partner forgets to call, you worry. When they’re late, you panic. That’s the reality for those with an anxious attachment style.

Understanding human emotions isn’t always simple, and it’s even trickier when it comes to relationships. Especially when anxiety takes the wheel.

Those with an anxious attachment style often behave in certain ways without even realizing it. I’ve identified 7 common things they do in relationships that might surprise you.

So buckle up, and let’s dive into the complex world of human emotions and relationships. Who knows? It might just shine a light on your own love story.

1) Overthinking is your constant companion

You know that feeling when your mind is a whirlwind of thoughts? For those with an anxious attachment style, it’s a daily reality.

Often, they find themselves dwelling on the smallest of details: a casually spoken word, a slight change in tone, a message left on read. To them, these are not just trivial matters. They’re potential signs of an impending relationship disaster.

It’s not that they enjoy this turmoil. It’s just that their minds can’t help but conjure up worst-case scenarios. They’re always on the lookout for cues that something might be wrong, even when everything seems perfectly okay.

And if you’re someone who overthinks every little thing in your relationship, you might just have an anxious attachment style. And while it may feel overwhelming at times, remember – it’s just your mind trying to protect your heart.

2) Need for constant reassurance

I remember feeling an intense need for reassurance in my past relationships. It was like a nagging itch that I couldn’t quite scratch. I constantly found myself seeking validation from my partners.

One instance that comes to mind was when I had spent an entire day planning a surprise date for my then-partner. I had arranged for a private movie screening, complete with their favorite snacks and a cozy blanket fort.

But instead of looking forward to the surprise, I spent the whole day worrying. What if they didn’t like it? What if they thought it was too childish?

The moment they walked in and their face lit up with joy, I felt a wave of relief wash over me. Their happiness was my reassurance.

Being constantly in need of validation is something many people with anxious attachment styles can relate to. It’s not about being needy or insecure. Rather, it’s about needing that extra bit of reassurance to keep the anxiety at bay.

3) Apologizing excessively

Imagine saying sorry for everything, even when it’s not your fault. Sound familiar? That’s a common trait for those with an anxious attachment style.

This stems from a deep-rooted fear of causing upset or conflict. They’d rather bear the blame than risk a potential argument or disagreement.

The Japanese have a term for this – “Omotenashi“. It means to wholeheartedly look after guests without expecting anything in return. While it’s praised in their culture, in the context of a relationship, constantly putting others before yourself can lead to an unhealthy imbalance.

So if you find yourself apologizing more than necessary, remember – it’s okay to stand your ground. After all, relationships are about balance and understanding, not just pleasing the other person.

4) Fear of abandonment

Let’s talk about an elephant in the room – the fear of abandonment. For those with an anxious attachment style, this fear is like a shadow, always lurking in the background.

It’s not just about worrying that their partner will leave them. It’s also about fearing that they’ll be emotionally abandoned, left alone to deal with their anxieties and insecurities.

This fear can push them to act clingy or needy, as they’re constantly trying to ensure their partner won’t leave. They might text excessively, demand more time together, or get upset when their partner spends time with others.

But here’s the thing – fear of abandonment is a self-fulfilling prophecy.

The more you fear it, the more likely it is to happen. So instead of letting this fear control you, use it as a reminder to work on building a secure and trusting relationship.

5) Struggling with self-esteem

In my experience, having an anxious attachment style often goes hand-in-hand with low self-esteem. I’ve caught myself questioning my worth in a relationship more times than I’d like to admit.

I recall a time when my partner was talking about their ex. They were only sharing a funny anecdote, but my mind started racing. Was I as interesting as their ex? Did they still have feelings for them?

It was as if a switch had been flipped and I was questioning my worth based on a story that had nothing to do with me. It’s a constant struggle, this self-doubt, but it’s also a part of having an anxious attachment style.

If you find yourself struggling with similar thoughts, remember that your worth is not dependent on anyone else. You are enough, just as you are. And it’s okay to remind yourself of that every now and then.

6) Being a fantastic listener

Here’s something unexpected – people with anxious attachment styles tend to be exceptional listeners.

They’re always tuned in to their partner’s needs and feelings, picking up on subtle cues that others might miss.

This is because they’re constantly scanning the environment for potential threats to their relationship. And while this hyper-awareness can be exhausting, it also makes them incredibly attuned to their partner’s emotional state.

If you often find yourself playing the role of the listener, take it as a sign of your empathetic nature. You’re not just anxious; you’re also caring and attentive. And these are qualities to be proud of.

7) Craving closeness but fearing it at the same time

It’s a paradox, isn’t it? Craving closeness, yet fearing it at the same time. But for those with an anxious attachment style, it’s a constant battle.

On one hand, they yearn for intimacy. They want to be close to their partner, to share their deepest thoughts and fears. But on the other hand, they’re terrified of being too vulnerable, of opening themselves up to potential hurt.

It’s like standing at the edge of a pool, wanting to jump in but being scared of the cold water. It’s a struggle, certainly. But it’s also a part of what makes human emotions so beautifully complex.

So if you find yourself in this paradox, remember – you’re not alone. It’s okay to crave closeness and fear it at the same time. All that matters is that you’re willing to take the plunge when it counts.

In closing

If you’ve made it this far, perhaps you’ve realized that having an anxious attachment style doesn’t make you flawed or unworthy. Instead, it offers a unique lens through which you view the world and your relationships.

It’s not about being overly sensitive or needy. It’s about embracing the complexity of human emotions and navigating through them in your own unique way.

Your attachment style is shaped by your past experiences, but it doesn’t dictate your future. You’re not confined to a life of anxiety. With understanding, patience, and support, you can journey towards a more secure style of attachment.

So, if you identify with these traits, remember – you’re not alone. You’re human. And being human means having the capacity to grow, change, and adapt.

Take a moment to reflect on this. You are more than just your anxious attachment style. You are a tapestry of experiences, emotions, strengths, and vulnerabilities. And that is what truly makes you, you.