We often find ourselves trying to decipher if the person we’re dealing with is a narcissist or just someone who leaves a bad taste in our mouths. It’s a tricky business, but psychology gives us some clues.

Sometimes, it’s not about diagnosing narcissism. Instead, it’s about recognizing the subtle signs that indicate someone isn’t necessarily a narcissist, but still a bad person.

We’ve all encountered these individuals who, while they might not have an inflated sense of their own importance, still manage to disrupt our peace and happiness.

So, let’s dive in. Here are ten subtle signs that someone isn’t a narcissist but they are a bad person, according to psychology.

1) They’re consistently dismissive

We’ve all come across people who seem to have a knack for dismissing our feelings or opinions.

It’s not the grandiosity or sense of entitlement that narcissists often exhibit, but it’s a subtle sign that they might not be the best person to have in your corner.

Psychologist Carl Rogers famously said, “The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.”

This quote speaks to the importance of validation and self-acceptance in personal growth.

But when someone is constantly dismissive, they’re essentially denying us the opportunity to feel accepted and understood. They’re subtly communicating that our thoughts and feelings aren’t important or valid.

This disregard for others’ perspectives can make interactions uncomfortable and even damaging. It’s a small behavior that suggests a lack of empathy and consideration for others, which are key indicators of someone who might not be the best person to surround yourself with.

2) They’re experts at blame-shifting

I remember an encounter with a colleague a few years back.

We were working on a project together and something went wrong. Instead of trying to figure out what happened and how we could fix it, he immediately shifted the blame to me.

It didn’t seem to matter that we were both responsible for the project, he seemed more interested in protecting his own reputation at my expense. It was subtle – he didn’t raise his voice or make a scene.

But it was clear that he had no intention of accepting any responsibility.

This behavior reminded me of a quote by renowned psychologist, Dr. Albert Ellis, who said: “The best years of your life are the ones in which you decide your problems are your own. You do not blame them on your mother, the ecology, or the president. You realize that you control your own destiny.”

Blame-shifting is a clear sign of someone unwilling to take responsibility for their actions. It creates an environment where trust is eroded and relationships become strained.

3) They’re emotionally unavailable

There’s a certain kind of emotional absence that can be as damaging as overtly negative behaviors.

You could be pouring your heart out, sharing your deepest fears or joys, and they just…don’t seem to care. There’s no empathy, no shared emotion, just a cold indifference that leaves you feeling alone and unheard.

Legendary psychologist John Bowlby once said, “What cannot be communicated to the [m]other cannot be communicated to the self.” This highlights the importance of emotional availability in forming a healthy sense of self and secure relationships.

An emotionally unavailable person not only refuses to engage with your emotions but also denies you the opportunity to fully express yourself. It’s a subtle sign, but it’s a clear indication that they may not be the best person to keep close in your life.

4) They consistently break promises

We all have moments when we can’t follow through on a promise, but there’s a world of difference between occasional lapses and a habitual disregard for commitments.

I once had a friend who made grand promises – the kind that would get your hopes up. But time and again, they’d break them without so much as an apology or explanation.

This behavior brought to mind a quote from renowned psychologist, Dr. Jordan Peterson: “It is better to do something badly than to not do it at all.” A person who consistently breaks promises isn’t even trying to do something; they’re simply opting out.

When someone repeatedly breaks their promises, it shows a lack of respect for others’ time and feelings. It’s a subtle sign that they may not be a narcissist, but they’re certainly not someone you’d want to rely on or invest your trust in.

5) They’re excessively charming

Charm can be a great trait. It can make someone more likeable, approachable, and fun to be around. However, when it’s used excessively and in a calculated manner, it can be a mask for more sinister traits.

Sigmund Freud, the father of psychoanalysis, once said, “He that has eyes to see and ears to hear may convince himself that no mortal can keep a secret. If his lips are silent, he chatters with his fingertips; betrayal oozes out of him at every pore.”

This quote suggests that no matter how charming someone might be, their true nature will eventually reveal itself. Excessive charm can sometimes be a way for bad people to manipulate others and keep them from seeing their true character.

So if someone’s charm feels too good to be true, trust your gut. It’s a subtle sign but one that might indicate you’re dealing with a person who isn’t a narcissist but is still not the best person to have in your life.

6) They’re always playing the victim

There’s a fine line between experiencing genuine misfortune and constantly playing the victim.

It’s this perpetual victimhood, always blaming others or circumstances for their own actions and failures, that can be a subtle sign of a bad person.

Psychologist Dr. Wayne Dyer once said, “All blame is a waste of time. No matter how much fault you find with another, and regardless of how much you blame him, it will not change you.”

This quote highlights the futility of blame and the importance of taking personal responsibility. Those who consistently play the victim refuse to take ownership of their actions, creating a cycle of blame that can be exhausting for those around them.

7) They lack empathy

Empathy is a vital ingredient in any healthy relationship. It’s what allows us to connect with others on a deep, emotional level. But some people, for whatever reason, seem to lack this crucial trait.

I’ve encountered people who, even in the most heart-wrenching situations, failed to show any signs of empathy. It was as though they were incapable of stepping outside of themselves and into someone else’s shoes.

The lack of empathy is a red flag for anyone. It speaks volumes about their ability to form healthy relationships and treat others with kindness and understanding.

So while it may not make them a narcissist, it does indicate that they might not be the best person to have in your life.

8) They’re manipulative

Manipulation is a game that no one should play. It’s a strategy that bad people use to control and exploit others, often without their knowledge.

It’s deceitful, damaging, and a clear sign of someone who has little regard for the feelings and welfare of others.

In my own life, I’ve seen how manipulation can slowly erode trust, respect, and any semblance of a healthy relationship. It’s a painful experience that can leave you questioning your own judgement.

Psychologist Abraham Maslow once said, “What is necessary to change a person is to change his awareness of himself.” Manipulative people, however, seek to distort this self-awareness for their own benefit.

Recognizing manipulation can be tough, but it’s a crucial step in protecting yourself from bad people.

9) They’re always right

It might seem counterintuitive, but someone who always insists on being right can be a sign of a bad person.

It’s not about having a healthy confidence in one’s knowledge or abilities, but rather a stubborn refusal to consider other perspectives or admit when they’re wrong.

When someone is so convinced of their own rightness that they refuse to listen to others, real communication becomes impossible.

While not necessarily a narcissist, a person who always needs to be right can create a challenging and frustrating dynamic. It’s a subtle sign, but one that suggests they might not be the best person to keep in your life.

10) They’re overly critical

We all know the importance of constructive criticism. It helps us grow, improve, and reach our potential. But there’s a difference between constructive criticism and being overly critical.

I’ve had experiences with people who seemed to have a knack for finding fault in everything I did. It wasn’t about helping me improve, it was about tearing me down. Their words left me feeling inadequate and filled with self-doubt.

This reminds me of a quote from renowned psychologist, Dr. Brené Brown: “We don’t have to do all of it alone. We were never meant to.”

Those who are overly critical often isolate others, making them feel like they’re on their own. So if you know someone who is overly critical, take note. They might not be a narcissist, but their constant criticism could indicate that they’re not the best person to have in your life.

Final thoughts

While these subtle behaviors might not qualify someone as a narcissist, they serve as clear warning signs of character flaws that can erode trust and emotional well-being.

Recognizing these traits can help us navigate our relationships more wisely. By staying alert to these signs and setting healthy boundaries, we empower ourselves to foster more supportive and genuine connections.

Ultimately, understanding these dynamics is the first step in protecting our peace and nurturing positive relationships.