Navigating relationships is tricky business. It’s not always easy to interpret the emotions and intentions of a partner.

Sometimes, negative feelings like contempt and resentment can creep in unnoticed, slowly eroding the bond you share.

As a psychology enthusiast, I’ve done a bit of research to help you spot these subtle signs. By catching them early, you can address issues head-on—keeping your relationship healthy and strong.

Let’s dive into these seven subtle signs that contempt and resentment might be creeping into your relationship—according to the fascinating world of psychology.

1) The silent treatment

Silence, they say, can be deafening.

In the realm of relationships, this couldn’t be truer. When your partner starts giving you the silent treatment, it could be a subtle sign that resentment is creeping in.

Granted, we all need some quiet time every now and then, but a consistent pattern of silence could indicate a deeper issue. When communication breaks down, it leaves room for assumptions and misunderstandings to creep in.

The renowned psychologist Carl Rogers once said, “When someone really hears you without passing judgment on you, without trying to take responsibility for you, without trying to mold you, it feels damn good!”

But what happens when that open line of communication starts to close?

The silent treatment isn’t just about not speaking—it’s about withholding communication and connection. It could be a passive-aggressive way of expressing contempt or resentment.

If you notice an unusual silence from your partner, it might be time to address the elephant in the room.

2) Constant criticism

Having faced it myself, I can tell you that constant criticism is a subtle yet destructive sign of contempt in a relationship.

I remember when my partner would criticize everything I did—from how I cooked to how I dressed. It felt like nothing I did was good enough.

At first, I brushed it off, thinking they were just trying to help me improve. But over time, the criticism became relentless and started affecting my self-esteem.

Famous psychologist Dr. John Gottman termed constant criticism as one of the “Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse” in a relationship, and he wasn’t wrong.

It’s an insidious form of contempt that starts to chip away at your sense of self-worth.

Criticism can be constructive when it’s delivered with love and respect. But when it becomes a regular occurrence without any positive feedback, it could be a sign of underlying resentment.

If you find yourself or your partner constantly dishing out criticism without any positive affirmation, it might be time to reassess your relationship dynamics.

3) Lack of empathy

Have you ever felt like your partner just doesn’t understand or care about your feelings?

This lack of empathy can be a subtle sign of contempt creeping into a relationship.

When your partner starts dismissing your feelings, it can feel like they’re rejecting a part of you. It’s a sign that they no longer value your emotions or experiences.

The renowned psychologist Carl Rogers once said:

“When a person realizes he has been deeply heard, his eyes moisten. I think in some real sense he is weeping for joy. It is as though he were saying, ‘Thank God, somebody heard me. Someone knows what it’s like to be me.'”

But when this empathy disappears in a relationship, it can feel like you’re alone even when you’re with your partner. It’s a heartbreaking feeling of isolation that can breed resentment and contempt.

It’s essential to maintain empathy in a relationship as it’s the glue that holds everything together.

If you feel like this empathy is lacking in your relationship, it might be time for an open and honest discussion with your partner.

4) Eye-rolling

Believe it or not, something as simple as an eye-roll can be a subtle sign of contempt in a relationship.

Eye-rolling might seem like a harmless, even humorous, reaction. But in reality, it can be a form of non-verbal disrespect.

The act of eye-rolling can suggest that your partner doesn’t take you or your opinions seriously, which can breed resentment over time.

A study found that couples who regularly engage in this type of negative body language are less likely to maintain a healthy and satisfying relationship.

According to the study, these small acts of disrespect can add up over time, leading to an overall feeling of dissatisfaction and contempt.

Next time you notice your partner giving you the eye-roll (or if you find yourself doing it), it might be worth addressing this seemingly small but significant sign of contempt.

5) Defensiveness

Over the years, I’ve come to realize that defensiveness can be a subtle sign of underlying resentment in a relationship.

When your partner is continually on the defense, it can feel like you’re navigating a minefield with every conversation. It’s as if they’re always ready for a fight, turning even minor discussions into heated arguments.

Famed psychologist Dr. John Gottman refers to defensiveness as one of the “Four Horsemen” that predict relationship failure.

He explains, “Defensiveness is really a way of blaming your partner. You’re saying, in effect, ‘The problem isn’t me, it’s you.'”

This constant need to defend oneself can stem from a place of contempt or resentment. It prevents open and honest communication and pushes both parties further apart.

If you notice a pattern of defensiveness in your relationship, it may be time to take a closer look at what’s really going on beneath the surface.

6) Overcompensation

This might seem counterintuitive, but overcompensation can be a subtle sign of resentment in a relationship.

When your partner is constantly going overboard with gifts, compliments, or attention, it might not be as sweet as it seems. It could be their way of making up for feelings of guilt or resentment that they’re harboring.

Psychoanalyst Carl Jung once said, “Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.”

It’s possible that your partner’s overcompensation might be their way of avoiding confrontation about issues that are bothering them.

The key here is balance. It’s wonderful to shower each other with love and attention, but when it becomes excessive and seems out of character, it might be hiding deeper issues.

If you’ve noticed your partner overcompensating recently, it might be worth having a heart-to-heart about what’s really going on.

7) Sarcasm

Don’t let its humor fool you—sarcasm can be a subtle sign of contempt in a relationship.

When sarcasm becomes a go-to communication style, it can reflect a lack of respect and understanding. As psychologist Dr. Leon F. Seltzer once said, “At its core, sarcasm is a defense against direct expression of anger.”

If you find that your conversations are peppered with sarcastic jabs, it might be time to have an honest conversation about the underlying resentment it could be reflecting.

Final reflections

Understanding the subtle signs of contempt and resentment in a relationship can be a tricky but necessary task.

The way we interact, communicate, and react to our partners often reveals more about the health of our relationship than we may realize.

The small things—like an eye-roll, constant criticism, or even overcompensation—can hint at deeper issues.

But remember, spotting these signs is just the first step. The real work lies in addressing these issues openly and honestly with your partner.

At the end of the day, every relationship has its ups and downs. But through understanding, empathy, and communication, we can navigate these challenges and build stronger bonds with our partners.

As you take a moment to reflect on your relationship, remember to be kind to yourself and your partner. Relationships are a journey of learning and growth—for both parties involved.