I’ve always been the guy who just cared too much.

Hi, I’m a self-confessed psychology enthusiast.

I’ve spent my life being the one who would give the shirt off my back to anyone in need, always lending an ear to friends’ problems, and constantly putting others before myself.

Sound familiar?

For a long time, I thought this was a strength. I mean, being kind and empathetic are good traits, right? Well, not when it starts to affect your own wellbeing.

There were times when I found myself constantly drained, emotionally exhausted and even taken advantage of.

It wasn’t until I delved into the world of psychology that I realized: Maybe I was being too kind and empathetic for my own good.

In this article, I’m going to share with you the 7 signs that you might be in the same boat.

Because as much as we want to give our all to others, we need to remember to look after ourselves too.

So, let’s dive in and see if you’re showing these signs – according to psychology – of being too kind for your own good.

1) You’re constantly drained

Remember when I mentioned feeling constantly drained? That’s the first sign.

Being kind and empathetic is emotionally taxing. You’re constantly absorbing other people’s emotions, taking on their problems, and trying to make everything better for them.

It’s like being an emotional sponge. And it can leave you feeling utterly depleted.

Psychology tells us that this is a common problem for highly empathetic people. We feel so deeply for others that we often neglect our own emotional needs.

You might find yourself constantly tired, even after a good night’s sleep. Maybe you’re feeling burnt out, stressed or even depressed.

These are all signs that you’re giving too much of yourself to others.

It’s important to recognize this and learn to set boundaries for your own mental and emotional health.

After all, you can’t pour from an empty cup.

2) You struggle to say ‘No’

I’ve lost count of the times I’ve found myself agreeing to things I didn’t want to do.

Whether it was taking on extra work, attending events I had no interest in, or lending money I couldn’t really spare – all because I couldn’t bring myself to say ‘No’.

It was as if the mere thought of disappointing someone else was more painful than the inconvenience or discomfort I would experience.

But as renowned psychologist Dr. Brené Brown once said, “Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others.”

This quote hit home for me. I realized that saying ‘No’ doesn’t make me a bad person. It simply means I’m respecting my own time, energy and resources.

So, if you frequently find yourself stretched thin because you can’t say ‘No’, this is a sign you’re too kind and empathetic for your own good.

Remember, setting boundaries is not only healthy but also necessary for your wellbeing.

3) You feel responsible for others’ emotions

I can’t tell you how many nights I’ve lost sleep over other people’s problems, feeling like it was my job to fix them.

Once, a friend of mine went through a pretty nasty breakup. I found myself constantly worrying about him, losing sleep, and even feeling guilty that I couldn’t make him feel better.

But here’s what I’ve learned: It’s not our responsibility to carry the emotional baggage of others.

It’s one thing to be supportive, but it’s quite another to feel like you’re responsible for someone else’s happiness.

This kind of emotional weight can be overwhelming and damaging to your own mental health.

So if you find yourself bearing the weight of others’ emotions, it’s time to take a step back.

Remember, we can offer support and empathy, but we can’t take on the role of emotional saviors for others.

4) You often feel taken advantage of

I remember once lending a considerable amount of money to a friend who was in dire straits.

They promised to pay me back in a month. Well, that month turned into six, then a year, and then… nothing.

I felt used and disrespected, and yet, I blamed myself for being too kind.

If you can relate to this, you’re not alone. A study conducted by Notre Dame University found that individuals who exhibit high levels of kindness often report feeling used or taken advantage of by others.

The study concluded that “Being too nice can literally be bad for your health if you allow people to take advantage of you.”

So if you find yourself frequently put in uncomfortable situations or feel like people often take advantage of your kindness, it’s a sign you may be too empathetic for your own good. It’s crucial to create boundaries to protect yourself from such situations.

5) You neglect your own needs

I used to be awful at self-care. I was always so focused on taking care of everyone else that I’d forget to take care of myself.

I’d skip meals, miss out on sleep, and even ignore my own emotional needs, all in the name of being there for others.

But here’s the thing: Neglecting your own needs is not a hallmark of kindness, it’s a recipe for burnout.

If you find yourself constantly putting your own physical and emotional needs on the back burner to cater to others, you’re being too kind for your own good.

Remember, self-care isn’t selfish. It’s essential. You can’t effectively help others if you’re not taking care of yourself first.

6) You have a hard time accepting help from others

I was always the first to lend a helping hand, but when it came to accepting help, I’d clam up.

I remember when I was moving houses. Friends and family offered to help, but I insisted on doing it all by myself. It was exhausting and unnecessary, but I felt like I was burdening others by accepting their help.

Famous psychologist Carl Rogers once said, “The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.”

This quote made me realize that accepting help isn’t a sign of weakness, but rather a recognition of our own humanity and limitations.

If you find yourself reluctant to accept help from others because you don’t want to impose or be a burden, this is another clear sign you’re too kind for your own good.

It’s okay to lean on others occasionally; we all need support sometimes.

7) You feel guilty for prioritizing yourself

Believe it or not, I used to feel guilty for spending time on things I loved.

Whether it was reading a book, going for a run, or even just taking a nap – if it wasn’t somehow benefiting someone else, it felt selfish.

But here’s the counterintuitive truth: Prioritizing yourself is not selfish, it’s necessary.

Putting your own needs first allows you to show up as your best self for others. You can’t pour from an empty cup, remember?

So here’s a practical tip: Start small. Dedicate 15 minutes each day to doing something you love, just for you.

You’ll be surprised how this little act of self-care can boost your wellbeing and actually make you more effective in helping others.

If you feel guilty when prioritizing yourself over others, take it as a sign that you’re being too kind for your own good.

Remember, self-care is not just about bubble baths and spa days – it’s about respecting and nurturing your own needs and wellbeing.

Conclusion: Finding balance

Being kind and empathetic are beautiful traits. They make you a compassionate friend, a caring family member, and a valuable part of any community.

But remember: It’s crucial to find a balance.

Don’t neglect your own needs in the process of taking care of others. Don’t feel guilty for saying ‘No’, setting boundaries, or taking time for yourself.

And most importantly, remember that it’s okay to accept help from others. We all need support sometimes.

Remember, being kind to yourself is just as important as being kind to others.

So be sure to treat yourself with the same empathy and care you offer so freely to everyone else.