Some people are naturally kind and giving. Others? Not so much.

Selfishness isn’t always obvious at first. Some people disguise it well, but eventually, their true nature comes out.

According to psychology, deeply selfish people share certain personality traits that reveal their true colors. These traits go beyond just being a little self-centered—they show someone who consistently puts themselves first, no matter the cost to others.

If you’ve ever dealt with someone who always takes but never gives, you’ll recognize these signs. Here are eight personality traits that reveal when someone is deeply selfish at their core.

1) They lack empathy

Selfish people struggle to see things from anyone else’s perspective. They’re so focused on their own wants and needs that they rarely stop to consider how their actions affect others.

Psychologist Daniel Goleman, who popularized the concept of emotional intelligence, once said, “True compassion means not only feeling another’s pain but also being moved to help relieve it.”

Deeply selfish people don’t experience this urge. Instead, they dismiss or downplay other people’s feelings because, to them, their own concerns always come first.

You might notice this when they interrupt conversations to steer them back to themselves or when they fail to show any real concern for your struggles.

Over time, their lack of empathy makes relationships feel one-sided and exhausting.

2) They only reach out when they need something

Have you ever had a friend who only seems to call when they need a favor? I had a coworker like that once.

At first, I thought we were developing a real friendship—we’d chat in the office, grab coffee occasionally, and exchange friendly messages. But over time, I noticed a pattern.

Every time she reached out, it was because she needed something. A ride to the airport, help covering a shift, advice on a project. Yet when I needed support? Silence. No response, no offer to help, not even a simple “How are you doing?”

Psychologist Carl Rogers, known for his work on humanistic psychology, once said, “When someone really hears you without passing judgment on you, without trying to take responsibility for you, without trying to mold you, it feels damn good.”

But selfish people don’t listen or connect unless there’s something in it for them.

That’s when I realized—this person wasn’t interested in a genuine friendship. They just saw me as a resource. And that’s a classic sign of deep selfishness.

3) They never take responsibility

Selfish people are masters of blame-shifting. Nothing is ever their fault. If something goes wrong, they’ll twist the story, downplay their role, or outright deny any responsibility.

I’ve seen this play out in relationships, friendships, and workplaces. You confront them about something hurtful they did? Suddenly, you’re the problem for “overreacting.”

They miss a deadline at work? Somehow, it’s because you “didn’t remind them.” It’s frustrating, exhausting, and worst of all—it never changes.

Famed psychologist Alfred Adler once said, “It is easier to fight for one’s principles than to live up to them.”

Selfish people avoid accountability because it’s uncomfortable. Admitting fault means growth, and growth requires effort—something they’d rather not invest unless it directly benefits them.

The truth is, if someone refuses to take responsibility for their actions, they’ll keep hurting those around them without ever thinking twice.

4) They always make everything about themselves

Have you ever shared something important with someone, only for them to immediately turn the conversation back to themselves?

I’ve had moments where I opened up about something deeply personal—only to hear, “Oh yeah, that happened to me too!” followed by a long-winded story about their own experience.

Selfish people can’t stand when the spotlight isn’t on them. No matter what’s being discussed, they’ll find a way to make it about them—their struggles, their achievements, their feelings. Your problems are just a brief pause in their monologue.

Famed psychologist Carl Jung once said, “Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.” It took me a while to realize that my frustration with certain people wasn’t just about their behavior—it was about the realization that they never truly valued me as an equal in the relationship.

When someone constantly hijacks conversations and dismisses your experiences, it’s a clear sign they see themselves as the main character—and everyone else as just background extras.

5) They give—but only to get something in return

Selfish people don’t always look selfish at first. In fact, some can seem incredibly generous. They might give gifts, offer favors, or go out of their way to help—but there’s always a catch. Their kindness isn’t genuine; it’s transactional.

I once knew someone who was always quick to do favors. At first, I thought they were just a thoughtful person. But over time, I noticed a pattern—every act of generosity came with an expectation.

If I didn’t return the favor exactly when and how they wanted, they’d guilt-trip me or act like I owed them something. Their “kindness” wasn’t about giving—it was about control.

Psychologist Erich Fromm put it best: “Selfish persons are incapable of loving others, but they are not capable of loving themselves either.”

True generosity comes from a place of love and connection. But deeply selfish people don’t give because they care—they give because they want leverage.

If someone only does nice things when there’s something in it for them, their generosity isn’t real—it’s just another form of manipulation.

6) They get angry when things don’t go their way

Selfish people have a hard time handling disappointment. When things don’t go exactly how they want, they lash out—whether through passive-aggressive comments, guilt trips, or full-blown rage.

Psychologist Sigmund Freud once said, “Unexpressed emotions will never die. They are buried alive and will come forth later in uglier ways.”

And selfish people prove this time and time again. If you set a boundary? They act like you’re betraying them. If you say no to something?

Suddenly, you’re “selfish” or “ungrateful.” They see every situation through the lens of how it affects them—and when the answer is “not in their favor,” they don’t handle it well.

The truth is, emotionally mature people understand that life doesn’t always go their way. Selfish people, on the other hand, believe the world should bend to their desires—and they’ll make sure everyone around them knows when it doesn’t.

7) They struggle to celebrate other people’s success

Have you ever shared good news with someone, only to be met with a half-hearted “Oh… that’s nice” or a quick attempt to change the subject? I’ve been there.

Instead of feeling happy for me, certain people seemed irritated—almost like my success was somehow taking something away from them.

Selfish people see life as a competition. Instead of celebrating the achievements of others, they feel threatened by them.

Rather than offering genuine support, they might downplay your accomplishments, shift the focus back to themselves, or even find ways to make you doubt your own success.

Psychologist Abraham Maslow once said, “The ability to be in the present moment is a major component of mental wellness.” But selfish people can’t just be happy in the moment for someone else—because deep down, they’re too consumed by their own insecurities.

A truly supportive person lifts others up without hesitation. But a selfish person? They only want to celebrate when they’re the one in the spotlight.

8) They disappear when you need them most

It’s easy to be around when times are good. But the real test of a person’s character is whether they stick around when things get tough. And selfish people? They don’t.

I’ve learned this the hard way. There have been moments in my life when I truly needed support—times of loss, stress, or uncertainty.

And while some people showed up without hesitation, others? They vanished. No calls, no messages, no effort. Yet, as soon as they needed something, they had no problem reaching out again like nothing happened.

Psychologist Brené Brown once said, “We don’t have to do all of it alone. We were never meant to.” But selfish people don’t believe that applies to them—unless they’re the ones receiving help. They take and take, but when it’s time to give? They’re nowhere to be found.

The hardest truth to accept is that some people only value you for what you can offer them. And once you stop being useful, they show you exactly who they are.

9) They pretend to be the victim

Selfish people don’t just avoid responsibility—they flip the script entirely. No matter what happens, they find a way to paint themselves as the real victim in every situation.

I once had a friend who constantly let me down—canceling plans last minute, ignoring messages, and only reaching out when they needed something. But when I finally confronted them about it, they didn’t apologize.

Instead, they told me how hurt they were that I would even suggest they were being selfish. Somehow, I became the bad guy just for setting a boundary.

Psychologist Martin Seligman, known for his work on learned helplessness, once said, “Optimism is invaluable for meaningful survival.”

But selfish people don’t want to take control of their lives—they’d rather play the victim so others will feel sorry for them and let their bad behavior slide.

If someone always twists the story to make themselves look like the one who’s been wronged, chances are, they’re not actually the victim—they’re just avoiding accountability.