Have you ever sat across from someone who looked unflappable—yet you could almost hear their mental gears grinding?

I noticed it last week while waiting for my son’s school play to begin.

A fellow parent sat perfectly still, smiling at the stage, but her foot tapped a silent Morse code under the chair.

It reminded me how easily we misread “calm.”

The truth is, many of us have learned to mask overstimulation so well that only the subtlest clues give us away.

I’ve been there myself—days when I appeared composed on Zoom calls while mentally managing grocery lists, deadlines, and whether my son had clean socks for tomorrow.

Today I want to walk you through six of those clues—plus how to respond with a little more grace, whether the overstimulated mind belongs to you or to someone you love.

1. Restless micro-movements

Look for rapid blinking, tiny jaw clenches, or a fingertip drumming so light it barely dents the table.

Research using EEG mapping shows that the brain burns extra energy suppressing visible emotion; that surplus energy often leaks into micro-expressions and micro-gestures.

Why does this matter?

Because a body that can’t stay still is asking for relief.

Pause what you’re doing, unclench your own jaw, and slow your breathing.

Your calm presence gives the other person permission to exhale.

Even when the movements seem insignificant, they’re often a coping mechanism—an unconscious effort to offload internal tension.

You might see someone adjusting their sleeves repeatedly, tapping a ring, or shifting in their seat more than necessary.

Each of those behaviors may be a signal that their nervous system is quietly begging for regulation.

2. A half-second delay before answering simple questions

You ask, “Coffee or tea?” and there’s a blink, a tiny inhale, then an answer.

That hitch isn’t rudeness.

It’s cognitive lag—the brain wading through an overload of sensory data before locating the file marked “beverage preference.”

In the APA’s latest Stress in America 2024 report, 70% of adults said constant information overload makes it hard to focus on everyday decisions.

So, slow down the conversation.

Silence those extra notifications on your phone.

Let the pause live.

That momentary delay is not a lack of interest—it’s a sign that the mind is overbooked, juggling more tabs than it can efficiently keep open.

When people hesitate like this, what they often need is not pressure to answer faster, but permission to be slower.

Even benign choices can feel heavy when your internal bandwidth is maxed out.

Give them space to think, and you might notice the tension ease.

3. Meticulous note-taking—far beyond what the situation requires

At first glance, diligent scribbling looks productive.

Scratch beneath the surface and you’ll often find anxiety running the pen.

I’ve done it myself during team meetings—writing down every aside because my brain felt like an overflowing inbox.

According to the American Institute of Stress, 33% of people feel extreme stress and 77% say that stress hurts their physical health.

If you catch yourself over-documenting, ask:

Am I writing to remember, or writing to soothe?

When it’s the latter, shift to a short action list and park the rest.

This habit can offer temporary comfort, but it’s usually a sign the brain doesn’t trust itself to remember unless it documents everything.

Try replacing that instinct with trust—trust that you can circle back later and that not every detail demands immediate capture.

It’s also okay to let things go.

Letting go of the “what if I forget?” fear can free up precious mental space that would otherwise stay tangled in low-grade anxiety.

4. Momentary sensory shutdowns

Watch for glazed eyes in fluorescent light, sudden zoning-out in a bustling café, or shoulders rising when a siren blares.

The American Psychiatric Association’s 2024 poll found that 43% of U.S. adults feel more anxious than last year, with sensory triggers—noise, crowding, constant alerts—high on the list.

Quick resets help:

• Step outside for 60 seconds of fresh air.
• Massage the webbing between thumb and forefinger.
• Switch from overhead lighting to a desk lamp.
• Play one calming song (I keep a three-minute playlist on standby).

Choose one, and notice how your shoulders drop.

Even a one-minute recalibration can interrupt the buildup of mental static and help you return to the moment more grounded.

If zoning out has become your default, it’s time to create more quiet inputs—and fewer chaotic ones.

This kind of shutdown is the brain’s way of trying to self-protect when it feels like the world won’t slow down.

Recognizing that response early means we can respond with care, not criticism.

5. Polite smiles that don’t reach the eyes

A forced grin can trick outsiders—and ourselves—into believing all is well.

As Carl Jung once observed, “Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.”

I remember reading those words during my marketing days, long before I pivoted to psychology-backed writing.

They still ring true: a veneer of niceness often hides mental clutter.

If you spot that mismatch—tight smile, flat eyes—offer a genuine one of your own.

Authentic warmth is contagious.

When we stop performing composure and start offering connection, something softens—for both people.

You never know when your sincere energy might be the first real human moment someone’s had all day.

Behind that smile might be someone managing grief, overstimulation, or a hundred tiny worries that don’t feel “valid” enough to voice.

Let your presence be the kind that doesn’t demand anything back.

6. Crushing fatigue after seemingly casual interactions

A ten-minute chat drains them like a marathon.

They may cancel last-minute plans or retreat to their car for a breather.

Maya Angelou captured the feeling perfectly: “Nothing can dim the light that shines from within.”

Yet chronic overstimulation does dim that light, unless we set boundaries.

I’m learning as I go, just like you.

As a single mom juggling deadlines and Lego project presentations, I’ve started scheduling “buffer time” between meetings and school pick-ups.

Try adding a 15-minute cushion wherever you can.

It’s amazing how much brighter everything feels.

Sometimes we treat burnout like a badge of honor, but being “on” all the time is unsustainable.

The most resilient people I know aren’t the ones with the busiest schedules—they’re the ones who know when to say, “I need a minute.”

If small interactions leave you feeling disproportionately tired, it’s not a personal failing—it’s a cue that your mind needs more quiet.

That kind of awareness isn’t weakness; it’s wisdom.

Final thoughts 

Calm façades are easy to admire, but they can also be a quiet call for help.

Next time you sense hidden overload—whether in a stranger or in the mirror—pause.

Lower the volume, slow the tempo, and allow space for real calm to surface.

Small adjustments, repeated daily, rewrite the story of overstimulation.

And the more we notice these signs in ourselves and others, the more we can respond with understanding instead of assumptions.

We can all learn to create gentler lives—ones where overstimulation isn’t the default and silence isn’t mistaken for peace.

Take a breath, and let it be the first of many intentional pauses today.