Have you ever spent way too long planning out exactly what you’ll say on a phone call—even rehearsing it in your head a dozen times—only to feel drained when you finally pick up the phone?

I used to think I was alone in this.

I’d outline the entire script, predict all the possible responses, and even plan how I’d react to each one.

It was like playing mental chess with a phone call.

Turns out, it’s more common than I realized.

Psychologists say that people who go to such lengths—mentally rehearsing phone calls for hours—often share several telling traits.

From self-consciousness to a desire to control outcomes, these underlying tendencies can shape how we approach phone conversations and life in general.

Let’s break down six key traits that often show up in those of us who do this.

1. They crave predictability and control

The first trait you’ll notice is a craving for control.

You might ask yourself: why do you need such a thorough plan?

The answer often lies in the fear of unexpected scenarios.

Nobody wants to look foolish, and nobody wants to be caught off guard.

When you mentally rehearse a phone call, you’re basically telling yourself, “I’ll be prepared for everything.”

I remember a friend who spent half an hour memorizing a short script before ordering pizza by phone—he worried that the person on the other line might say something he wouldn’t know how to respond to.

It’s a classic sign of wanting to manage every possible twist.

From a psychological standpoint, experts suggest this can be linked to anxiety and the need for a sense of mastery over chaotic or unpredictable situations.

The phone call—short as it may be—becomes a mini-battle to conquer by planning out every word.

But the reality is that no conversation is entirely predictable.

When we cling too tightly to control, we end up stressing ourselves out more than necessary.

2. They tend to be highly self-conscious

Another big factor here is self-consciousness.

People who mentally rehearse phone calls for ages often worry a lot about what the other person thinks of them.

They’ll panic over tone, phrasing, or even background noise because they’re convinced every detail might be judged.

If you’re fretting about a phone conversation the night before it happens—imagining how each sentence might be perceived—that’s a clear sign you might be placing too much emphasis on external opinion.

Personally, I’ve gone through phases like this in my twenties when I worked a corporate job.

I’d overthink phone calls with clients or potential employers, believing that one awkward moment could derail my entire professional image.

Looking back, I realize how much mental energy I wasted on a phone conversation that was usually over in five minutes.

As Eckhart Tolle once said, “Worry pretends to be necessary but serves no useful purpose.”

That quote stuck with me.

We might think all this mental rehearsal is helpful, but often it’s just a symptom of deeper insecurities—an attempt to protect ourselves from any perceived embarrassment.

3. They’re often perfectionists

You’ve probably met someone who wants every little detail to be flawless.

They can’t stand the idea of messing up a single word, so they rehearse and rehearse until they feel it’s “perfect.”

It’s the same mindset that might lead them to triple-check an email draft or spend hours choosing just the right words for a text message.

The phone call, in their mind, becomes a performance that must go exactly right.

This perfectionism can stem from a past experience of criticism—maybe they grew up in a household or worked in an environment where errors were harshly pointed out, so they developed a habit of meticulous preparation.

Ultimately, we can only do our best in the moment.

No matter how much mental rehearsing you do, the real conversation may still veer off script—and that’s okay.

Imperfections are part of life, and sometimes “good enough” actually is good enough.

4. They might have social or performance anxiety

A lot of people don’t like phone calls in general—it’s one of the most common social anxieties.

If you mentally rehearse to the point you’re exhausted, chances are you fall into this camp.

It’s not just that you want the call to go smoothly; you might be genuinely terrified of stumbling over words or not being taken seriously.

Sometimes, this anxiety is connected to deeper issues like a fear of confrontation or a history of negative social experiences.

I’ve mentioned this before, but during my corporate days, I’d over-prepare for performance reviews over the phone.

I was certain that any hesitation or stutter on my part would make me come across as incompetent.

But if I learned anything from those calls, it’s that authenticity counts more than perfect wording.

As Buddha once taught, “It is better to travel well than to arrive.”

The same idea applies to conversations: focusing on being present rather than rigidly pre-planned can make you sound more genuine and at ease.

It’s tough at first, but letting yourself be a bit spontaneous can actually reduce stress over time.

5. They tend to overanalyze interactions

You might be someone who replays conversations in your mind—obsessing over what was said, how it was said, and what you or the other person might have been thinking.

If that sounds like you, then it’s probably no surprise you also mentally rehearse calls before they even happen.

Overthinking is a common habit for people with a detail-oriented or anxious mindset.

You don’t just imagine how the call might go.

You imagine ten different versions of how the call could go.

And after the call is done, you might still dissect it for hours.

While it’s great to be self-aware, the constant mental chatter can become draining.

I used to do this when I was in college, rehearsing calls with professors about my assignments.

I’d think, “What if they think my idea is dumb?

What if I sound like I haven’t researched enough?”

I’d sometimes write down entire scripts on a piece of paper so I wouldn’t freeze up mid-call.

But in reality, the professor was usually more focused on the assignment than the exact words I used.

We can all benefit from remembering that people aren’t usually judging us as harshly as we fear.

6. They aim to avoid confrontation at all costs

Ever dread making a phone call because you’re worried it might lead to an argument—or at least a tense moment?

People who mentally rehearse often do so to avoid confrontation.

They might be calling their boss to discuss working conditions, or a family member to address an unresolved issue, and they’d rather script it out than face a heated back-and-forth.

There’s a belief that if you script it well enough, you can dodge any uncomfortable exchange.

In my own life, I’ve done this when I needed to give someone tough feedback.

I’d run through every possible negative reaction in my head and plan a calm response.

But real conversations are rarely that neat.

Sometimes, conflict is unavoidable.

And that’s not always a bad thing—healthy confrontation can lead to resolutions and growth.

One thing reading about conflict resolution taught me is that honest discussions, even if they start out tense, can lead to deeper understanding.

No amount of mental rehearsal can fully replace genuine, in-the-moment dialogue.

It’s kind of like editing and proofreading your words endlessly before letting anyone see them (a familiar feeling for those of us who write for an online audience).

At a certain point, you have to let the conversation flow.

Rounding things off

There’s nothing wrong with wanting to make a solid impression on a call or hoping to avoid fumbling your words.

We all want to communicate clearly—especially in situations that feel important or anxiety-inducing.

But if you find yourself mentally rehearsing phone calls for hours, consider what might be driving that tendency.

Is it a need for control?

A fear of confrontation?

A streak of perfectionism?

By identifying the root causes, you can start addressing them directly.

Maybe you look into relaxation techniques.

Maybe you push yourself to have more spontaneous conversations.

Or maybe you work on embracing the occasional awkward silence.

Ironically, sometimes the best way to improve our phone skills—and our lives in general—is to let go of the need to be perfect.

A little messiness can be a sign that you’re being authentic, not unprepared.

So, the next time you catch yourself rehearsing every possible response, try taking a step back.

Remind yourself that conversations aren’t scripts—they’re shared experiences.

And honestly?

A bit of imperfection in a phone call never hurt anyone.