Most of us have crossed paths with individuals who seemed unwilling—or perhaps unable—to connect with others on an emotional level.

It’s easy to label them as cold, but I’ve come to realize they often trace their behaviors back to childhood.

I’m a single mother of an energetic son, so I’m constantly observing how parental words can shape a child’s worldview.

Why?

Because I know firsthand how powerful our words can be.

That’s why I want to talk about seven damaging phrases some parents use—phrases that can lead children to grow into adults with less empathy and compassion.

They may not be intentionally hurtful, yet the result can follow a child into adulthood.

Let’s dive into each one.

1) “Stop crying—you’re too sensitive”

This is probably one of the most common phrases I hear parents say, often without realizing its impact.

When children are told they’re too sensitive, they learn to suppress their feelings.

They start believing emotions are shameful.

Eventually, they might distance themselves from their own empathy because, well, it’s easier to disconnect than face ridicule.

I remember reading a quote from Maya Angelou: “There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.”

When parents dismiss a child’s tears, they’re essentially telling them their feelings aren’t valid—or don’t deserve to be voiced.

So the child keeps that story inside.

And that can evolve into a pattern of emotional detachment well into adulthood.

2) “Because I said so”

This phrase might come from a parent who’s exhausted and doesn’t want to negotiate with a defiant kid.

I get it.

But here’s the problem: “Because I said so” fails to teach reasoning or critical thinking.

Children hear a command with no explanation.

What do they learn?

To follow orders blindly and disregard any deeper understanding of other people’s perspectives.

According to research, authoritative parenting that includes open communication can lead to better social development.

On the flip side, if a child grows up constantly hearing “Because I said so,” they’re less likely to develop empathy.

They don’t learn to consider the reasons behind actions—only the order.

And that can make them less understanding toward others.

3) “You should be grateful I do all this for you”

My mom used to say something similar when I was little, and I admit it made me feel guilty for any complaint I voiced.

But here’s the thing.

Yes, it’s important for children to learn gratitude.

Still, when it’s taught through guilt and shame, kids may develop resentment.

Resentment rarely breeds compassion—it often fuels anger and self-centeredness.

Over time, children who hear this line repeatedly might become numb to other people’s struggles.

Why?

Because they learned to associate “help” with guilt and control, rather than genuine care.

So they might fail to recognize when someone genuinely needs kindness or understanding.

4) “Don’t be such a baby—grow up!”

Whenever I hear someone say this to a child, I cringe.

It belittles the child’s experience, making them feel inadequate.

Imagine being five or six years old and hearing you’re “a baby” for having an emotional reaction.

Research from Science Direct shows that repeated invalidation of a child’s emotions can lead to difficulties in emotional regulation later in life.

People who grow up with this phrase often hide their feelings.

They might also react harshly to someone else showing vulnerability.

Because if they weren’t allowed to be vulnerable, why should anyone else?

5) “I don’t want to hear about your problems right now”

Sometimes parents are overwhelmed.

They have bills to pay, dinner to cook, and a million thoughts racing through their minds.

But brushing off a child’s concerns this way teaches them to avoid emotional conversations.

It also sends the message that listening isn’t important.

As a result, these children might grow into adults who dismiss people’s problems or refuse to lend a compassionate ear.

6) “You’re embarrassing me”

Kids can be unpredictable.

They throw tantrums in grocery stores or ask loud questions at the worst moments.

Many parents, including me, have felt the sting of embarrassment.

But telling a child they’re embarrassing you shifts the focus from addressing their behavior to shaming them.

If repeated often, the child learns that public approval (or saving face) is more critical than understanding feelings or addressing needs.

They become overly concerned about not embarrassing themselves, which can lead to ignoring or downplaying others’ emotions to maintain appearances.

In short, they never develop genuine compassion because they’re too busy worrying about image.

7) “Why can’t you be more like your sister/brother?”

Sibling comparisons happen in many families.

But let’s not overlook this final step: comparisons undermine a child’s sense of self-worth.

They also encourage competition rather than collaboration.

A child who’s constantly measured against a sibling learns to either live in the sibling’s shadow or overshadow them at any cost.

Neither scenario promotes empathy.

Instead, it breeds rivalry and a lack of compassion for the person they’re compared to—and potentially, by extension, anyone else who’s different from them.

A quick note on how these phrases affect adult relationships

People who heard these expressions in childhood often become adults who struggle to form empathetic bonds.

They may dismiss others’ problems, shy away from vulnerability, or judge people who express emotions.

They might also have difficulty recognizing their own emotional needs.

When we spend our formative years hearing phrases that belittle, dismiss, or shame, we naturally carry those messages with us.

This isn’t meant to demonize parents.

We all say things we regret sometimes—I know I do.

But recognizing the impact is the first step to breaking the cycle.

What to do if you recognize these phrases in your own upbringing

If you grew up hearing these lines, you might notice patterns of emotional distance or an instinct to close off instead of connecting.

That’s not unusual.

The good news is, change is possible.

Here are a few steps that help:

• Acknowledge the root: Realize that your struggles with empathy might trace back to childhood. No need to dwell on blame, but understanding the source can bring clarity.
• Practice active listening: Ask people how they feel and truly tune in, even if it feels uncomfortable at first.
• Challenge your reactions: If your first instinct is to dismiss someone’s concerns, pause and consider an alternative response.
• Seek professional support: According to studies, therapy and counseling can significantly improve emotional awareness and empathetic behavior.

Above all, be kind to yourself.

Remember that while you can’t rewind and start over, you can aim for a better future. The tips above will help you achieve that.