I used to be the kind of person who replayed every conversation in my head.

Maybe you know the feeling: You say something in a meeting or over text, and hours later you’re dissecting every word, every pause, imagining how the other person might’ve interpreted it.

Before you realize it, your mind’s a cluttered mess, overflowing with hypotheticals.

Then one afternoon, while scrolling online, I stumbled on Mel Robbins talking about a deceptively simple concept: “Let them.”

In her words, if someone wants to be late, let them.

If someone makes a choice you don’t agree with, let them.

If people judge, gossip, or dismiss what you do—let them. It was a jolt to my system.

The more I dug into that phrase, the more I realized I was wasting endless energy trying to control how people acted or how they felt about me.

And for what?

I don’t remember the exact day I decided enough was enough, but once I applied Mel Robbins’s advice, life got so much easier.

Overanalyzing every little detail was sucking the fun out of my days.

And ironically, no matter how much mental energy I spent, it never changed how other people behaved.

So I decided to let them and focus on myself. Here’s how that unfolded—and why “let them” became my new mantra for peace of mind.

The wake-up call

My real wake-up call came after I spent a weekend mulling over a friend’s offhand remark.

I’d texted him about trying a new fitness class, and he replied with a lighthearted, “Yeah, let’s see if you keep that routine.”

No big deal, right?

But I found myself spiraling—did he think I was inconsistent?

Was he judging me for never sticking to a gym schedule?

I was on the verge of texting back a half-defensive explanation.

Then I recalled that “Let them” phrase.

Let him think what he wants, I told myself.

My friend’s opinion might come from a place of teasing, or maybe from his own insecurities.

Either way, it wasn’t my job to correct or explain.

That tiny shift—deciding to leave it alone instead of firing back—freed up so much mental real estate, I felt lighter almost instantly.

I used to believe that a peaceful life meant controlling as many external factors as possible.

If I could keep everything in line, nobody would misunderstand me or judge me.

But that weekend, I realized how impossible it is to manage other people’s perceptions.

We often think if we say the right thing or act the right way, we can steer someone else’s viewpoint.

The truth is, they’ll think whatever they want to think.

So let them.

Why “let them” works

At first glance, “let them” seems almost too simplistic.

But that’s precisely why it’s so powerful. It snaps you out of the illusion that other people’s actions are your responsibility to fix or monitor.

It’s also a fast way to identify when you’re overinvesting in someone else’s opinion or behavior.

It reminds me of something I read by Mark Manson, who once wrote, “Not giving a f*ck does not mean being indifferent; it means being comfortable with being different.”

Essentially, if someone’s viewpoint or action doesn’t align with your life or values, let them have it.

You can be at peace even if they see things differently.

In my own experience, “let them” has two big effects.

One, it stops you from overthinking about problems that aren’t yours to solve.

Two, it shifts your energy toward what you can control—your own reactions, decisions, and mindset.

Anytime I feel that old urge to micromanage or clarify my stance, I try to pause and think, “Let them.” It’s not always easy—especially for someone like me, who spent years playing the role of the “fixer.”

But the payoff is real.

Shifting the focus to yourself

If you’re overanalyzing someone’s comment or action, you’re giving them valuable mental space that could be used for your own growth.

It’s like handing out free rent in your mind.

And when you’re focused on trying to decode, interpret, or change others, you lose sight of your own needs.

I’ve mentioned this before but there was a time when I’d dissect co-workers’ words, convinced they implied something about my competence.

One manager’s “We’ll review your draft tomorrow” sent me into a tailspin:

Why tomorrow?

Was there an issue?

Did I write something terrible?

Of course, in most cases, “We’ll review your draft tomorrow” was just a scheduling thing, not a stealthy critique.

Still, I wasted hours analyzing a simple statement.

The moment I started telling myself, “Let them schedule a review for whenever they want,” I realized how much time I’d been spending in pointless mind loops.

That was energy I could invest in actually improving my draft—or, better yet, in taking a breather and doing something fun.

By shifting my focus back to myself, I allowed others to own their words and actions, and I owned my response.

Practical Ways to Let Go

Sometimes it’s easy to say “let them,” but harder to put it into practice.

I still have moments where a casual joke or offhand remark feels like a personal attack.

But here are a few habits that helped me internalize this mindset:

• Pause and Breathe: When I feel triggered, I take a quick pause. A few slow breaths might sound basic, but it prevents knee-jerk reactions. In that pause, I remind myself, “Let them.”

• Ask “Is This Mine?”: I mentally separate what’s mine from what’s theirs. If someone’s late, that’s their behavior; it’s not a reflection on my worth. If someone’s rude, that’s their choice—doesn’t mean I have to retaliate or dwell on it.

• Set Boundaries: Letting people do what they want doesn’t mean you become a doormat. If someone’s behavior crosses a line and impacts your well-being, it’s okay to speak up or distance yourself. “Let them” also means letting them deal with the consequences of their own choices.

• Practice Acceptance: Every time I catch myself ruminating, I try to accept the reality of the situation. It might be frustrating, but people have the right to think or act as they please, even if it irritates me. Acceptance doesn’t equal endorsement—it just means I’m not going to fight battles I can’t win.

These simple steps helped turn “let them” from a neat phrase into a genuine habit.

The surprising benefits

Letting go in this way has impacted so many areas of my life.

For one, my anxiety levels dropped significantly. Instead of stewing over every comment, I redirect my energy to things that truly matter to me—like my relationships, my goals, or simply enjoying a quiet evening at home.

It also improved my relationships in surprising ways.

By letting other people own their words and actions, I stopped feeling so guarded. I wasn’t walking on eggshells, worried about potential misunderstandings.

And when misunderstandings do happen, I handle them more calmly: “I heard you say this. Here’s how I feel. If that’s not what you meant, that’s okay.”

Funnily enough, people respond better when you’re not on the defensive.

Another hidden benefit?

Creativity.

Overanalyzing can drain your creativity because it leaves no mental bandwidth for new ideas or inspiration.

Once I stopped wasting mental cycles on other people’s opinions or actions, I found myself more open to trying fresh approaches in my work and personal projects.

When I’m not consumed by “What do they think of me?” I have energy to think, “What do I want to create today?”

Embracing “let them” in daily life

One trick I picked up was writing “Let them” on a sticky note and placing it in clear view.

That little reminder has saved me countless times from a spiral.

For instance, if a friend declines an invitation I thought they’d be excited about, let them.

If someone at work seems uninterested in my suggestions, let them. It’s not on me to force enthusiasm or agreement.

I also noticed that letting others be themselves—even when I don’t love their choices—made me more compassionate.

In a weird way, it reminded me that everyone has their own internal struggles, insecurities, and perspectives.

Maybe that friend who never RSVPs is overwhelmed with personal stuff. Or the co-worker who barely greets me is just super introverted, not rude.

Letting them be, without labeling them as “bad” or “annoying,” allowed me to connect in a more genuine way (or to gracefully back off if that was healthier).

Of course, this doesn’t mean tolerating disrespect or harmful behavior.

If a line is crossed, I have every right to stand up for myself or move on. “Let them” is about releasing the urge to control, not about allowing others to trample over my boundaries.

A gentle reminder for overthinkers

If you’re an overthinker like me, you might worry that letting go means you’ll stop caring or that you’ll fail to stand up for yourself.

Trust me, it doesn’t.

You can still be kind, empathetic, and assertive when needed. You just won’t drive yourself crazy analyzing every external detail.

As Mel Robbins once put it, “Stop trying to babysit other people’s emotions.” People are going to feel how they feel, do what they do, and see life through their own filters.

Let them.

As soon as you absorb that idea, it becomes a lot clearer which feelings and problems are truly yours—and which belong to someone else.

The path forward

Overanalysis often comes from a fear of what others might think or a belief we need to manage outcomes.

But the moment I embraced “let them,” I realized most of those concerns were illusions.

I’m not responsible for someone else’s choices, nor is it my duty to orchestrate how they perceive me.

My responsibility is to act in alignment with my values, take care of my mental well-being, and let others live their own lives.

Reclaiming peace isn’t about hiding from people or never engaging in tough conversations.

It’s about choosing not to carry the weight of everyone’s opinions and decisions on your back.

If a colleague wants to critique you unfairly, let them.

If a neighbor thinks your hobby is weird, let them. You are free to keep doing you.

Once that clicks, it’s liberating.