Finding the balance between pleasing others and looking after yourself can be a tough act, especially if you’re someone who naturally wants to keep everyone happy.

But what if you’re bending over backwards for people who don’t even appreciate your efforts?

Psychology points out some hard-hitting signs that show you’re trying to please people who simply don’t care.

It’s a less-than-pleasant wake-up call, but sometimes, that’s exactly what we need to start making healthier choices for ourselves.

Let’s dive in, and remember – recognising these signs is the first step towards breaking free from the people-pleasing trap.

1) You’re always the one reaching out

Are you constantly making the first move, whether it’s sending a text, making a call, or setting up plans?

It might be a sign that you’re trying to please people who aren’t reciprocating your efforts.

If you’re always the one initiating, it could mean that the other person doesn’t value the relationship as much as you do.

This imbalance can lead to feelings of frustration and resentment, which is not healthy for any relationship.

As renowned psychologist Carl Rogers once said, “The only person who is educated is the one who has learned how to learn and change.”

If you find yourself in this situation, it might be time for some self-reflection and change.

Are you okay with always being the one reaching out, or is it time to shift your focus to relationships where efforts are reciprocated?

It’s okay to put yourself first sometimes.

2) You feel drained, not energized, after interactions

Here’s a personal example. I once had a friend who was always embroiled in drama.

Every time we talked, it felt like I was her personal therapist. I’d listen to her vent and try to offer advice, but it was always one-sided.

After our conversations, instead of feeling uplifted or connected, I felt drained.

Social interactions should typically leave us feeling energized and fulfilled, not like we’ve just run a marathon.

According to renowned psychologist Dr. Albert Bandura, “In order to succeed, people need a sense of self-efficacy, to struggle together with resilience to meet the inevitable obstacles and inequities of life.”

If you’re constantly feeling drained after interactions with certain individuals, it could be a sign you’re trying to please them too much at the expense of your own well-being.

It may be time to evaluate these relationships and consider setting some boundaries.

3) Your self-esteem is tied to their approval

Are you frequently second-guessing yourself, wondering if what you’re doing is good enough for them?

If the answer is yes, then you might have tied your self-esteem to their approval. It’s a brutal realization, but an important one.

Here’s the truth: your worth isn’t determined by how much someone else approves of you.

It’s a tough pill to swallow, especially if you’ve spent a long time seeking their validation.

As the famous psychologist Abraham Maslow said: “What is necessary to change a person is to change his awareness of himself.”

Your self-esteem should come from within, not from the validation of people who don’t truly value you.

Recognizing this is the first step towards reclaiming your confidence and self-worth.

4) You’re constantly apologizing, even when it’s not your fault

Do you find yourself saying sorry excessively, even for things you didn’t do?

This could be a sign that you’re trying too hard to please others, often at the expense of your own feelings.

People who over-apologize often do so because they have an inflated perception of their transgressions.

They feel a heightened sense of responsibility and guilt, which leads them to apologize more than necessary.

Over-apologizing can undermine your self-confidence and make you feel powerless.

Instead of constantly saying sorry, try expressing gratitude or empathy instead.

For instance, instead of saying “I’m sorry for being late,” you could say “Thank you for waiting for me.”

This simple switch can help you reclaim your power while still acknowledging the situation.

5) You’re always making excuses for their behavior

I used to have a friend who was perpetually late.

Each time, I’d make excuses for her – “She’s just really busy” or “She’s not good with time management.” The reality, however, was that she simply didn’t respect my time.

When you’re always making excuses for someone’s behavior, it’s often a sign that you’re trying to please someone who doesn’t really value your relationship.

It’s a hard realization to come to, but an important one for your own self-respect.

As the esteemed psychologist Sigmund Freud once said, “Being entirely honest with oneself is a good exercise.”

If you notice this pattern in your interactions, it might be time to have an honest conversation with the person involved or reconsider the relationship altogether.

Your time and energy should be spent on relationships that are mutually respectful and beneficial.

6) You’re scared of saying “No”

Saying “No” can be terrifying, especially when you’re worried about disappointing someone.

But here’s the counterintuitive truth: saying “No” is often a sign of respect and honesty.

When you’re constantly saying “Yes” to things you don’t want to do or have time for, you’re not being true to yourself or the other person.

It can lead to resentment and burnout, and it’s not a sustainable way to maintain a relationship.

As Tony Gaskins once said, “You teach people how to treat you by what you allow, what you stop, and what you reinforce.”

Saying “No” when necessary teaches others to respect your boundaries and your time.

It might be uncomfortable at first, but it’s an important step towards building healthier relationships.

7) You feel taken for granted

Finally, if you constantly feel unappreciated or taken for granted, it’s a clear sign you’re trying to please someone who doesn’t truly value you.

Renowned psychologist William James said, “The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated.”

If you’re not getting that appreciation despite your efforts, it’s time to take a step back.

Your worth is not determined by how others treat you. It’s time to prioritize your own needs and feelings.

Final reflections

Navigating the complex waters of human relationships can be a daunting task.

Pleasing others is a natural instinct for many, but when it comes at the cost of our own happiness and self-respect, it’s time to reassess.

The signs we’ve explored today aren’t easy to confront. Recognizing them in your own behavior might be uncomfortable, even painful.

But remember, awareness is the first step towards change.

As you move forward, keep these signs in mind.

Evaluate your relationships with a critical eye, and don’t be afraid to prioritize your own needs and feelings.

You deserve relationships that are reciprocal and respectful, where your efforts are valued and appreciated.

It’s not just about pleasing others, it’s about finding a balance that leaves you feeling fulfilled and respected too.