When I hit my 40s, I found myself reflecting on what it really means to “win” at life.

The thing is, success doesn’t look the same for everyone. It’s not just about ticking off boxes like a high-paying job or a picture-perfect family.

Instead, psychology shows us that there are key things – habits, mindsets, relationships – that contribute to a deep sense of fulfillment by the time you hit 40.

So, in this article, I’m breaking down 7 of those things. If you’ve achieved them, or even just started working toward them, you’re doing better than you think.

Let’s dive in.

1) You’ve cultivated meaningful relationships

If there’s one thing psychology consistently shows, it’s that strong, meaningful relationships are key to a fulfilling life.

By the time you hit 40, it’s not about having hundreds of acquaintances or a constantly buzzing social life – it’s about quality over quantity. True connection comes from those deep, authentic bonds with people who genuinely care about you and have your back when things get tough.

For me, this meant focusing less on trying to impress everyone and more on nurturing the relationships that actually mattered. Whether it’s a partner, close friends, or family, having people in your corner who support you and accept you as you are is a game-changer.

Reach out, show up for people, and invest your time and energy into the connections that truly matter.

2) You’ve found a sense of purpose

For years, I felt like I was just floating through life without direction. I’d go to work, come home, and repeat the same cycle day after day. It wasn’t until my late 30s that I realized how much this lack of purpose was holding me back.

Finding purpose doesn’t mean you have to change the world or do something earth-shattering.

Psychologist Viktor Frankl, in his book Man’s Search for Meaning, wrote: “Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose.”

When you don’t have something meaningful to work toward, even the smallest challenges can feel overwhelming.

By 40, having a sense of purpose – whether it’s in your career, relationships, or something personal like volunteering or creating – can make all the difference. It doesn’t have to be perfect or grandiose; it just has to matter to you. 

3) You’ve learned how to manage your emotions

I used to think emotional control meant bottling everything up and powering through, but let me tell you – that approach did not work. In my 20s and even into my 30s, I was quick to anger, easily overwhelmed by stress, and felt like my emotions were running the show.

It wasn’t until I started diving into emotional intelligence that things began to shift. I realized that managing emotions doesn’t mean suppressing them; it means understanding and processing them in a healthy way. 

One of the most helpful tools I learned was to label my emotions. Simply saying, “I’m feeling anxious right now” or “I’m disappointed” helped me create some distance between myself and the intensity of the feeling.

Psychologist Daniel Goleman, who popularized the concept of emotional intelligence, said it best: “If you are tuned out of your own emotions, you will be poor at reading them in other people.”

By 40, being able to manage your emotions doesn’t mean you’ll never feel upset or stressed – life happens! But if you’ve reached a point where you can handle those feelings with grace and self-awareness most of the time, you’re winning. 

4) You prioritize your physical health

I used to treat my body like an afterthought. I’d skip meals, stay up too late, and exercise only when I felt guilty about how I looked. But as I got older, I started noticing the toll it was taking – low energy, poor sleep, and just a general feeling of being unwell.

It wasn’t until I made my health a priority that things began to shift. I started small: daily walks, more water, and setting a consistent bedtime.

Over time, these little changes added up, and I began to realize how much better life feels when you’re physically well.

And it’s not just me saying this – science backs it up.

A long-term study published in The Lancet Public Health found that maintaining healthy habits like regular exercise and proper nutrition is linked to lower risks of chronic diseases and even improved mental well-being.

The researchers emphasized that staying active and eating well doesn’t just benefit your body; it also helps reduce stress and improve overall happiness.

Whether that’s through working out, eating balanced meals, or simply getting enough rest – you’re setting yourself up for a longer, happier life. 

5) You’ve learned to let go of what you can’t control

Being a chronic overthinker and control freak means if something didn’t go the way I planned, I’d spiral into frustration, trying to figure out how I could’ve prevented it. It wasn’t just exhausting – it was completely unproductive.

What really shifted my perspective was a moment a few years ago when a major project I’d poured my heart into fell apart due to circumstances totally outside my control. 

This mindset shift has been freeing. Whenever life throws its curveballs now – and it still does – I take a step back and remind myself to focus on what’s within my power.

Whether it’s how I react, what actions I take next, or simply letting go and moving forward, this approach has saved me so much unnecessary stress.

Psychology backs this up too. Research published in Psychological Science found that people who accept negative events they can’t control experience better mental health outcomes than those who try to fight or avoid them.

6) You’ve developed self-compassion

If I’m honest, I used to be my own worst critic. Whenever I made a mistake, I’d beat myself up relentlessly, replaying it in my head and convincing myself it was proof that I wasn’t good enough. For years, this inner dialogue held me back, making me afraid to take risks or put myself out there.

There was one moment that really stuck with me: I botched an important presentation for a client. My old habit would’ve been to dwell on it and tell myself how incompetent I was.

But this time, I paused and said to myself, “It’s okay. You’re human, and everyone makes mistakes. What can you learn from this?” That small act of self-kindness helped me bounce back faster and approach the next challenge with more confidence.

By 40, if you’ve learned to be kind to yourself – even when you fall short – you’re ahead of so many people still stuck in cycles of self-criticism. 

7) You’ve embraced failure as a necessary part of growth

This one took me a long time to wrap my head around because, let’s face it, failure feels awful. For years, I did everything I could to avoid it – playing it safe, sticking to what I knew, and avoiding risks that might make me look bad. But guess what?

That mindset kept me stuck.

Here’s the counterintuitive truth: Failure isn’t the opposite of success; it’s part of the process. Psychologist Carol Dweck, known for her work on growth mindset, said: “If you’re afraid of failure, you’re afraid of learning.”

That quote hit me like a ton of bricks because I realized avoiding failure was holding me back from growing into the person I wanted to be.

By 40, if you’ve started seeing failure as feedback rather than a dead-end, you’re on the right track. Here’s one practical way to shift your mindset: every time something doesn’t go as planned, ask yourself three questions:

• What went wrong?
• What could I do differently next time?
• What did I learn from this experience?

Writing these down has helped me reframe failure as an opportunity instead of a setback.

The truth is, embracing failure isn’t easy, but it’s worth it. Without my mistakes, I wouldn’t be where I am today – and that’s a win in my book.

Wrapping it all up

By the time you hit 40, life isn’t about perfection – it’s about progress. 

Growth doesn’t stop here. Take a moment to reflect on where you are and where you’d like to go next. Start small. Pick one area from this list and take an actionable step today.

Maybe that means scheduling time with a loved one, practicing self-compassion after a tough day, or simply going for a 10-minute walk.

Remember, life isn’t a race to check off achievements – it’s about building habits and mindsets that bring you peace, fulfillment, and joy.

At the end of the day, winning at life is less about what you’ve done and more about how you feel showing up for yourself and the people who matter most. Keep going – you’ve got this!