Picture coming home from a long day, hoping for a warm hug or a genuine question about how you’re doing.

Instead, you’re met with a half-hearted greeting or a request to do something for your partner.

You might sense that something’s off, but it can be hard to pinpoint exactly why you feel unfulfilled or drained.

Today, let’s talk about eight brutal signs that might suggest your partner is not truly in love with you—they’re more in love with the way you make them feel.

Let’s dive in.

1. They never seem genuinely curious about your life

Have you noticed that your partner rarely asks about your day in a meaningful way?

They’ll accept your help or your emotional support, but they don’t spend time learning what lights you up.

It can feel like a one-way street, where your passions or even your basic routines don’t catch their interest.

According to studies, mutual curiosity is a strong indicator of a healthy emotional bond.

When someone truly values you, they engage with your experiences and opinions—even if they don’t share the same interests.

If your partner rarely joins you in discussing your personal goals or fails to follow up on topics you care about, it can be a red flag that they’re enjoying your presence without investing in who you are as a whole person.

2. The focus is mostly on what you can do for them

When the relationship starts feeling transactional—like you’re meeting a list of their emotional or physical needs without any reciprocation—it might signal that they’re stuck on how you boost their mood or solve their problems.

I’ve seen this happen in past relationships, where I became the go-to person for reassurance, yet felt lonely when I needed the same in return.

Relationships thrive on a give-and-take dynamic.

If you find yourself constantly giving, supporting, and comforting without receiving genuine care, take a step back and consider whether your partner is truly in love with you or just addicted to your nurturing.

3. They shower you with praise only when they’re getting something out of it

Some partners are generous with sweet words and compliments right when they need a favor or an ego boost.

There’s a difference between genuine admiration—where compliments flow naturally because someone appreciates you—and using flattery as a tool.

Let’s not forget that real affection isn’t a bargaining chip.

I recall reading a quote from Esther Perel that goes, “The quality of your life ultimately depends on the quality of your relationships.”

If your partner sprinkles lovey-dovey language only when they want you to do something, it’s less about genuine admiration and more about how you make their life easier.

Pay attention to patterns:

• Do they offer comfort right before asking for a favor?
• Do they suddenly compliment your appearance whenever you hint that you’re feeling uncertain about the relationship?
• Are they more attentive when they suspect you’re pulling away?

A partner who truly loves you won’t dole out praise as if it’s a currency.

They’ll compliment you because they genuinely can’t help but notice your qualities, whether it benefits them or not.

4. Emotional support is a one-way street

It’s easy to feel deeply appreciated when you’re the one cheering your partner on.

But what happens when you need them?

Love involves being there for each other through fear, sadness, and uncertainty.

If you’re always the supportive one—listening, calming, and reassuring—while your partner remains absent in your moments of vulnerability, it’s a strong sign they might be more attached to the role you play in their life.

According to Psychology Today, reciprocity in emotional care is crucial for relationship health.

When one partner consistently lacks empathy for the other’s struggles, the connection can become strained, leading to resentment and emotional fatigue.

5. They dismiss your growth or ambitions

In a supportive relationship, it feels natural to celebrate each other’s victories and champion each other’s dreams.

A partner who only values how you serve them might brush off your aspirations, become indifferent to your desire to explore new hobbies, or even discourage you from making changes that don’t revolve around their comfort.

I’ve sometimes found that partners who aren’t truly in love can feel threatened when you start evolving in ways that shift the power balance.

They liked you in a certain role—often a submissive or endlessly giving one—and any deviation from that threatens the dynamic.

If this resonates, reflect on whether your partner is more concerned with keeping you in place for their convenience rather than growing together.

6. They turn the spotlight on their needs whenever you voice yours

Let’s not miss this final point before I jump into more signs: if you express a concern, does your partner flip the script and focus on their own distress?

For example, you say you feel anxious about finances, and they immediately talk about how your anxiety puts pressure on them, rather than discussing solutions together.

I’ve noticed a common pattern in relationships lacking true love: the moment you open up, the conversation somehow drifts to them.

This signals a real disconnect from genuine empathy.

There should be space for both partners to unpack what’s on their mind without fear that their worries will be minimized or overshadowed.

7. They keep things surface-level to avoid genuine intimacy

Emotional intimacy isn’t just about sharing secrets; it’s about feeling safe enough to go deep and letting each other in on deeper layers of who you are.

When a partner loves how you make them feel more than they love you, they often sidestep real conversations about fears, future goals, or past traumas.

This can show up as changing the subject when things get serious, dismissing your attempts at deeper dialogue, or brushing off your need for closeness.

According to a study from Harvard, close emotional bonds are one of the key predictors of long-term relationship satisfaction.

A person uninterested in forming that bond might be content staying on the surface, happy to receive the emotional perks you provide without venturing into territory that requires genuine vulnerability.

8. They’re absent or unresponsive during your toughest moments

I want to share one last insight before we wrap up.

When things get hard for you—like losing a job, dealing with a family crisis, or simply having a stretch of low mental energy—where is your partner?

Are they quick to vanish, either physically or emotionally, until you get yourself “together” again?

When I went through a challenging period a few years back, I realized who truly cared for me by observing who stuck around and who showed up with compassion.

As Brené Brown once noted, “We don’t have to do all of it alone. We were never meant to.”

If your partner prefers you only when you’re energetic, cheerful, and ready to serve their needs, it’s a glaring sign that they’re focused on how good you can make them feel rather than loving you as a whole person.

Final thoughts

Real love is a mix of seeing each other’s flaws, celebrating each other’s triumphs, and being present through every shade of emotion.

None of us are perfect partners every moment of every day.

Still, a person who’s truly in love with you will strive to see and understand you on a deeper level, offering empathy, curiosity, and genuine concern.

If the signs above are hitting close to home, it might be time to have a heart-to-heart with your partner—or take a step back and reevaluate your choices.

A mindful relationship invites mutual growth, trust, and a willingness to tackle hardships together.

Remember, your emotional well-being matters, and you’re worthy of a love that doesn’t just revolve around how much you can give, but who you truly are.

I’ve learned, through meditation and staying intentional, that clarity comes when we’re brave enough to look at the truth.

We can’t control another person’s motives, but we can choose how we respond.

If this article helps you see things more clearly, take a quiet moment—maybe a walk or a simple breathing practice—and decide what your next step might be.

After all, genuine connection is worth the effort, and so are you.