You’ve probably experienced those moments where your significant other seems to be pushing your buttons on purpose.

That tension can be frustrating, perplexing and downright maddening, to say the least.

It’s not always dramatic scenes or loud arguments.

Sometimes it’s subtle, like a slight prod here or a small jab there. But you feel it, that calculated effort to get under your skin, and you can’t quite put your finger on why it’s happening.

Well, according to psychology, this isn’t just you being overly sensitive or paranoid.

There are boundaries that women often cross in an attempt to get a rise out of their partner.

Here’s how to identify these eight boundaries that women often cross and why they might be doing so – even if understanding it might make you squirm a little.

1. The push and pull of emotional manipulation

Let’s dive into the deep end of the pool, shall we? Emotional manipulation is a classic boundary women sometimes cross to get a reaction from their partner.

You know how it goes: one moment she’s showering you with affection, and the next, she’s as cold as ice.

That sudden shift isn’t accidental, it’s strategic. The motive? To keep you on your toes, to keep you guessing, to keep you needing her approval.

This tactic can be confusing, frustrating, and emotionally exhausting.

It’s like being on a rollercoaster ride of emotional highs and lows with no end in sight.

But why does she do it?

According to psychology, it often stems from a place of insecurity or fear of abandonment.

By pulling you close then pushing you away, she’s testing your commitment level and ensuring that you’ll stick around.

2. The silent treatment and its echoes

This one hits close to home. I’ve been there, in the throes of a heated argument, when suddenly, the silence drops like a curtain.

It’s not the peaceful silence you enjoy on a quiet Sunday morning; no, this silence is thick and heavy with unspoken words and unresolved issues.

My partner would simply shut down, refusing to talk about the problem at hand, let alone come up with a resolution.

It was as if she had built an impenetrable wall around herself while I stood on the other side, knocking desperately for any sign of communication.

According to psychology, this is another boundary women often cross to provoke their partner.

The silent treatment is a manipulative tool used to gain control and make you feel guilty or desperate for their approval.

Yes, we all need some quiet time to cool off after an argument.

But when silence becomes a weapon used to punish you or avoid resolving issues, it’s a clear sign that a boundary has been crossed.

3. The unfair game of comparison

It was Theodore Roosevelt who once said, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” And boy, was he right.

In the context of a relationship, when your partner starts comparing you to others – her ex, her friend’s boyfriend, or even a random guy on the street – it can feel like an underhanded jab at your self-esteem.

She might say something like, “You know, John always treats Sarah with such respect,” or “Why can’t you be more like my ex, he was so romantic.”

These seemingly innocent comments are actually loaded with intention.

You see, by comparing you to others, she’s not only undermining your confidence but also subtly pressuring you to change.

It’s a boundary crossed with the intention of provoking a reaction – perhaps to make you try harder to win her approval or to push you into being someone you’re not.

4. The test of jealousy

Jealousy is a green-eyed monster that has a sneaky way of creeping into relationships, even the best ones.

Yet, did you know that some people intentionally use jealousy as a tool to stir up emotions in their partner?

It’s true.

Your girlfriend casually mentioning how much time she’s been spending with her male coworker, or how her old flame just texted her out of the blue, might not be as innocent as it seems.

By deliberately making you jealous, she’s crossing a boundary to evoke a reaction from you.

Perhaps she wants to see if you care enough to get jealous. Maybe she wants to make you feel insecure, so you’ll work harder to keep her.

But here’s the thing: jealousy isn’t proof of love. It’s a toxic emotion that breeds insecurity and distrust.

If your partner is using jealousy as a weapon, it’s a clear sign that there’s a deeper issue at hand that needs addressing.

5. The bait of criticism

We’ve all heard the saying, “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.” Yet, in some relationships, it seems like this rule is thrown out the window.

In my experience, criticism can often be used as a tool to provoke a response.

Your partner might nitpick at your habits, belittle your achievements, or make snide comments about your appearance. It’s as if she’s fishing for a reaction, using criticism as bait.

Psychology tells us this is another boundary that’s often crossed to get a rise out of a partner.

It could be that she’s insecure about her own shortcomings, or she’s trying to assert dominance over you.

6. The game of exclusion

Have you ever been deliberately left out of plans or excluded from conversations by your partner? It can feel like a punch in the gut, especially when it happens repeatedly.

This tactic of exclusion is yet another boundary crossed to provoke a reaction.

She might not invite you to social gatherings, or she might discuss significant issues with others, leaving you in the dark.

Psychologically speaking, this is a method of control and manipulation. By excluding you, she’s sending a message that she doesn’t need you or that your presence isn’t important.

The intended reaction? To make you feel insecure and eager to win her approval.

But remember this: In a healthy relationship, both partners should feel valued and included.

If you’re being systematically excluded, it’s time to reevaluate the dynamics of your relationship.

7. The trap of over-dependency

Dependency in a relationship is a tricky topic. On one hand, it’s natural to rely on your partner for emotional support and companionship.

On the other hand, excessive dependency can be suffocating.

If she’s constantly leaning on you for every little thing – from deciding what to wear to managing her emotions – it can feel like you’re not in a relationship, but rather playing the role of a caregiver.

Psychology suggests this over-dependency is yet another boundary crossed to elicit a reaction.

By making herself excessively reliant on you, she might be trying to make you feel indispensable, essential to her very existence.

8. The dance of deflection

Let’s talk about the elephant in the room: deflection. This is when she consistently redirects blame, criticism, or responsibility away from herself and onto you.

It can feel like you’re always dancing to a tune you didn’t choose, tripping over steps you didn’t learn.

For instance, if she makes a mistake, she might quickly shift the focus onto something you did wrong in the past.

This way, she avoids accountability and puts you on the defensive instead.

Psychology tells us that deflection is a common boundary crossed to provoke a reaction. It’s a way for her to maintain control and keep you off balance.

Final thoughts

If these signs resonate with you, it’s important to recognize this is not a reflection of your worthiness as a partner.

It’s about understanding the dynamics at play and taking steps towards healthier patterns.

The first step is awareness. Recognize when these boundaries are being crossed and how it makes you feel.

This understanding is your compass, guiding you towards change and growth.

The second step is communication. Openly discuss these issues with your partner. Remember, it’s not about blaming or shaming, but about expressing your feelings and needs in a respectful manner.

The third step is action. If the behavior persists despite your efforts, it might be wise to seek professional help. Therapists or counsellors can provide insightful guidance on managing such dynamics.

Relationships are complex and challenging, but they’re also an opportunity for growth and self-discovery. When we navigate these challenges with grace and resilience, we not only nurture healthier relationships but also become more authentic versions of ourselves.