I spilled coffee all over myself in a meeting last week.

Not just a little splash. The entire cup, right down the front of my white shirt, in front of a client I was trying to impress.

For a split second, I felt that familiar hot rush of embarrassment. But then I looked down at the spreading brown stain and just started laughing.

“Well, that’s one way to make an impression.”

The room relaxed immediately. The client laughed too. And somehow, the meeting went better than it might have if I’d been perfect the whole time.

That moment reminded me of something I’ve noticed over the years. The people who can laugh at their own mistakes tend to move through life differently than those who can’t.

Psychology backs this up. Self-directed humor, especially in response to failure or embarrassment, is linked to higher emotional intelligence and better mental health outcomes.

Here are nine traits that people who laugh at their own mistakes tend to share.

1. They separate their self-worth from their performance

When you can laugh at a mistake, you’re signaling something important: this error doesn’t define me.

People with high emotional intelligence understand that what they do isn’t who they are. A screw-up at work, a social blunder, a moment of clumsiness, these things happen. They’re data points, not identity statements.

Research has found that people who could maintain self-compassion after failure showed greater emotional resilience and were more likely to try again after setbacks.

When you tie your entire sense of self to being perfect, every mistake feels like proof that you’re fundamentally flawed. And that’s paralyzing.

But when you can laugh, you’re essentially saying, “I messed up, and I’m still okay.” That’s emotional maturity.

2. They’re comfortable with vulnerability

Laughing at yourself requires you to acknowledge imperfection publicly.

Most people try to hide their mistakes, minimize them, or blame external factors. Because admitting you were wrong feels like handing people ammunition.

But emotionally intelligent people have learned that vulnerability isn’t weakness. It’s actually what makes you relatable and trustworthy.

When you laugh at your own mistake, you’re not waiting for someone else to point it out. You’re owning it first. And that takes the power out of any potential mockery.

I’ve noticed this with a colleague of mine who accidentally sent a draft email to the entire company instead of just one person. It was full of typos and half-formed thoughts.

Instead of panicking or making excuses, he sent a follow-up: “Well, that was meant to be internal. Apologies for the mess. Consider it a behind-the-scenes look at how the sausage gets made.”

People loved him for it. Because he didn’t pretend to be flawless.

3. They don’t take themselves too seriously

There’s a specific kind of rigidity that comes with needing to appear competent at all times.

People who can’t laugh at themselves often have an inflated sense of how much others are paying attention to them. They think every mistake will be remembered, dissected, judged.

Emotionally intelligent people understand that most of the time, people are too worried about their own mistakes to dwell on yours.

So they give themselves permission to be human. To trip over words. To forget names. To send the wrong attachment.

This doesn’t mean they’re careless. It means they’re realistic about the fact that perfection isn’t possible and beating yourself up over small errors is a waste of energy.

4. They use humor to defuse tension

When something goes wrong, there’s usually a moment of collective discomfort.

People who laugh at their mistakes know how to cut through that tension. Their humor signals that everything’s okay. That the situation isn’t as dire as it might feel.

This is a skill. And it makes other people feel more comfortable around you.

According to research, self-deprecating humor, when used appropriately, is associated with higher likability and social competence. It puts people at ease and creates connection.

I’ve seen this play out in parenting. When my son sees me laugh at myself for burning dinner or forgetting where I put my keys, it teaches him that mistakes aren’t catastrophes. That you can mess up and still be okay.

That lesson is worth more than any lecture about resilience.

5. They’ve developed a growth mindset

People who laugh at their mistakes tend to see failure as information, not condemnation.

They’re curious about what went wrong. They’ll joke about it, but they’re also analyzing it. What can I learn here? What would I do differently next time?

This is the opposite of a fixed mindset, where mistakes feel like proof of inadequacy.

Emotionally intelligent people understand that growth requires failure. That you can’t get better at something without screwing it up first.

So when they make a mistake, they don’t spiral. They laugh, they learn, and they adjust.

6. They’re less defensive

Defensiveness is exhausting. For you and for everyone around you.

When someone points out a mistake and your immediate response is to explain, justify, or deflect, it signals that you can’t tolerate being wrong.

People who can laugh at themselves don’t need to defend their mistakes. They can just acknowledge them.

“Yep, I completely botched that.”

“You’re right, that was a terrible idea.”

“I have no excuse. That was just dumb.”

This kind of honesty is disarming. It makes conflict resolution easier because there’s no need to argue about whose fault it was. You’ve already owned it.

And that’s a sign of emotional maturity.

7. They handle criticism better

If you can laugh at your own mistakes, you’re much more likely to handle feedback without falling apart.

Because you’re already comfortable with the idea that you’re not perfect. Someone pointing out an error doesn’t feel like an attack. It feels like useful information.

One study found that individuals who responded to feedback with self-compassion and humor showed less anxiety and greater willingness to improve than those who responded defensively.

I used to be terrible at receiving criticism. Any feedback felt like proof that I was failing. That I wasn’t good enough.

But once I started laughing at my mistakes, criticism lost its sting. Because I was already telling myself the truth. Someone else pointing it out was just confirmation, not devastation.

8. They build stronger relationships

People are drawn to those who don’t pretend to be perfect.

When you can laugh at yourself, you give others permission to relax around you. They don’t have to walk on eggshells or worry about saying the wrong thing.

You’ve already shown that you can handle imperfection. That makes you safe to be around.

I’ve noticed this in friendships. The people I’m closest to are the ones who can laugh when they mess up. Who don’t need me to reassure them that they’re still competent after every small mistake.

They’re easy to be around because they’re not performing. They’re just being human.

9. They recover from setbacks faster

When you can laugh at a mistake, you don’t stay stuck in shame or regret.

You acknowledge what happened, you feel the temporary discomfort, and then you move on.

People who can’t laugh at themselves tend to ruminate. They replay the mistake over and over. They imagine what everyone must be thinking. They convince themselves it’s worse than it is.

That rumination keeps you trapped. It drains your energy and keeps you from focusing on what’s next.

Emotionally intelligent people understand that dwelling doesn’t help. So they laugh, they learn, and they let it go.

Why this matters more than you think

Emotional intelligence isn’t about never making mistakes. It’s about how you respond when you do.

And laughing at yourself is one of the clearest signals that you’ve developed the kind of self-awareness and resilience that makes life easier.

You’re not constantly protecting a fragile ego. You’re not trying to maintain a false image of perfection. You’re just a person, doing your best, and occasionally screwing up.

And that’s okay.

The people who understand this tend to live lighter. They have better relationships, less anxiety, and more capacity to take risks because they’re not terrified of failure.

That’s not to say every mistake should be treated as a joke. Some errors have real consequences and require serious reflection.

But for the everyday fumbles, the small embarrassments, the moments that feel huge in the second they happen but matter very little in the long run? Laughing helps.

It helps you recover faster. It helps the people around you relax. And it reminds you that you’re allowed to be imperfect.

What if you can’t laugh yet?

Not everyone finds it easy to laugh at themselves. Especially if you grew up in an environment where mistakes were met with criticism, shame, or punishment.

If that’s you, it’s okay. You’re not behind. You just haven’t learned this skill yet.

Start small. Next time you make a minor mistake, try acknowledging it out loud without apologizing excessively or explaining.

“Well, that didn’t go as planned.”

“Oops, my bad.”

“Guess I’m still figuring this out.”

Notice how it feels to own the mistake without making it bigger than it is. Notice how people respond.

Over time, it gets easier. And eventually, you might even find yourself laughing.

Because the truth is, we’re all just making it up as we go. Some of us have just learned to be okay with that.