There’s a specific set of manners that boomers were drilled on from early childhood that seem to have largely disappeared from younger generations.

Not just outdated formalities or arbitrary rules. Behaviors that actually served purposes beyond politeness, that made shared public spaces more functional and reduced daily friction between strangers.

I’m in my sixties, and I watch the collision between generations around these basic manners constantly. Boomers get frustrated and judge younger people as rude. Younger people see these expectations as arbitrary and often rooted in oppressive social hierarchies.

Both perspectives have validity. But there are real costs when certain baseline courtesies disappear from society. Not apocalyptic costs, not proof that civilization is ending, but practical daily costs that make life harder and more unpleasant for everyone.

Here are the basic manners boomers were taught that younger generations have largely lost, and what that loss actually costs society.

1) Greeting people when entering or leaving spaces

Boomers were taught to acknowledge others when entering shared spaces. A simple “hello” when walking into a store, office, or room with people in it. “Goodbye” or “have a good day” when leaving.

Not elaborate conversations. Just basic acknowledgment that other humans are present.

Younger generations often enter and exit spaces without any verbal acknowledgment. They’re not trying to be rude. They just weren’t socialized to see this as necessary.

**The cost to society:** This creates an environment where people feel invisible and unvalued. Service workers particularly feel this, spending entire shifts having customers treat them like automated kiosks rather than people. The absence of basic greeting and acknowledgment contributes to social atomization, the sense that we’re all just using the same space without actual human connection.

It’s a small thing, but multiply it across thousands of daily interactions, and it creates a society where people feel less seen and less human.

2) Saying please, thank you, and excuse me automatically

These phrases were drilled into boomers until they became automatic. Not negotiable, not dependent on mood, just reflexive responses to specific situations.

Someone holds a door? “Thank you.” You need to get past someone? “Excuse me.” You’re asking for something? “Please.”

Younger generations use these phrases less consistently. Sometimes they do, sometimes they don’t. It depends on context, mood, whether they feel the situation warrants it.

**The cost to society:** The inconsistent use of courtesy language increases social friction. When you can’t count on basic acknowledgment, every interaction carries slight uncertainty. Did they not say thank you because they’re rude, or because it’s not their norm? That ambiguity creates more tension than consistent expectation does.

These phrases also serve as social lubricant, making requests feel less demanding and compliance feel appreciated. Without them, interactions feel more transactional and potentially confrontational.

3) Not interrupting people who are speaking

Boomers were taught that interrupting was one of the rudest things you could do. You waited for someone to finish their complete thought before speaking.

Younger generations have different conversation norms, often shaped by digital communication where multiple threads happen simultaneously. Interruption is more accepted, seen as engagement rather than rudeness.

**The cost to society:** When interruption becomes normalized, it privileges fast processors and aggressive communicators over thoughtful speakers. People who need time to formulate thoughts or who speak more slowly get systematically shut out of conversations.

It also means fewer people feel truly heard, which increases frustration and reduces the quality of decision-making in groups. When everyone’s interrupting everyone else, no one’s actually listening.

4) Writing thank-you notes for gifts or significant help

Boomers were taught that receiving a gift or significant help required a written thank-you note. Not a text, not an email when those technologies emerged. An actual written acknowledgment.

This has almost completely disappeared among younger generations. If acknowledgment happens at all, it’s immediate and digital.

**The cost to society:** This one’s more subtle, but written thank-you notes served a purpose beyond just saying thanks. They required the recipient to reflect on what they received and why it mattered. They created a moment of conscious gratitude rather than reflexive acknowledgment.

The giver also received concrete evidence that their gift was received and appreciated, which encouraged future generosity.

The loss of this practice contributes to a society where gift-giving feels more obligatory and less meaningful, where people aren’t sure their gifts were appreciated, and where gratitude becomes more perfunctory.

5) Respecting quiet hours and shared spaces

Boomers were taught that certain hours were quiet hours, particularly late evening and early morning. That in shared spaces like apartments, you kept noise down, you didn’t make others accommodate your schedule.

Younger generations, particularly in urban environments, often operate on the assumption that if something’s legal and within building rules, they’re entitled to do it regardless of impact on neighbors.

**The cost to society:** The loss of voluntary noise consideration increases neighbor conflicts dramatically. Building management and law enforcement get pulled into disputes that previous generations resolved through shared understanding of courtesy norms.

It also contributes to the breakdown of community in shared living spaces. When people don’t feel their neighbors consider their needs, they stop considering their neighbors’ needs, creating escalating cycles of inconsiderate behavior.

6) Holding doors and helping people with physical burdens

Boomers were taught to hold doors for people behind them, to help people struggling with packages or strollers, to offer seats to elderly or pregnant people on public transit.

These behaviors still exist but are less automatic among younger generations. Sometimes happening, sometimes not, often dependent on whether the person notices and feels like it.

**The cost to society:** The inconsistency makes life harder for people with disabilities, elderly people, parents with small children, anyone dealing with temporary physical limitations. They can’t count on help, so they have to plan for not receiving it, which limits their access and independence.

It also creates more social anxiety. Everyone’s uncertain about expectations. Should you hold the door? Will offering help be seen as offensive? The lack of clear norms makes everyone more uncomfortable.

7) Not using phones during in-person conversations or meals

Boomers were taught that when you’re with people, you’re fully present. You don’t read a book at dinner, you don’t tune out during conversations, you don’t split attention between present people and absent activities.

Younger generations grew up with devices and see partial attention as normal. Being on your phone while someone’s talking isn’t necessarily rude to them, it’s just multitasking.

**The cost to society:** This might be the costliest loss because it directly damages relationship quality and depth. Conversations where one or both people are partially attending to devices don’t build connection effectively.

It also trains everyone to accept divided attention as normal, which means nobody feels they have the right to expect full attention anymore. This degrades all relationships and communication.

Parents on phones while with children, friends half-present during conversations, couples eating while both scroll—these patterns accumulate into a society where people feel chronically unseen and unimportant.

Conclusion

These manners weren’t arbitrary rules invented to control people. They emerged from dense human proximity and the need to make shared spaces functional.

Many developed during eras with oppressive social hierarchies, and some courtesy expectations were definitely about maintaining those hierarchies. That’s worth acknowledging.

But many of these basic manners served practical purposes that remain relevant: reducing friction, making people feel seen, creating predictable social environments, building connection.

The costs of losing them aren’t apocalyptic. Society isn’t collapsing. But daily life has gotten harder, more atomized, more conflictual in small ways that accumulate.

Younger generations aren’t wrong to question whether they want to adopt their parents’ and grandparents’ norms. But they might benefit from understanding what those norms accomplished and what’s being lost in their absence.

The answer isn’t necessarily to recreate boomer manners exactly. But it might be to consciously develop new norms that serve the same functions: making people feel seen, reducing daily friction, creating connection in shared spaces.

Because some version of baseline courtesy is necessary for society to function smoothly. When it disappears, everyone pays the cost in a thousand small ways daily.

What manners do you think serve genuine purposes versus which ones are just outdated formality?