8 signs your best friend secretly envies you, according to psychology

Navigating the complex world of friendships can be as tricky as figuring out a romantic relationship.
You might think you know your best friend inside out, but sometimes, beneath the laughs, shared experiences, and unending support, there might be a hint of jealousy.
It’s not always an easy thing to spot, or even to accept.
In fact, it could be so subtle you dismiss it as your imagination. But that little voice in the back of your mind keeps asking: does your best friend secretly envy you?
We’re about to delve into the 8 telltale signs, rooted in psychology, that suggest your best friend might just be a bit green-eyed when it comes to you.
This isn’t meant to alarm you or ruin your friendship. It’s simply about understanding the dynamics and being aware of the signs.
Let’s get into it.
1) They’re constantly comparing themselves to you
Friendship is a bond where you share your highs, lows, and everything in between.
But when your best friend starts comparing themselves to you, it’s not just a passing thought.
Do they often compare their achievements with yours? Or maybe it’s about looks, lifestyle, or even your personality traits?
It could be so subtle: a small comment here, an offhand remark there. But if it’s consistent, it could be a sign of envy.
This tendency to compare is often rooted in feelings of inadequacy or jealousy.
If your best friend seems overly concerned with measuring up to you rather than just enjoying your friendship, they might secretly envy you.
2) They mimic your behavior and choices
Imitation might be the sincerest form of flattery, but sometimes it crosses over into the realm of envy.
Have you ever noticed your best friend copying your mannerisms, fashion style, or even your choice of hobbies?
I remember when I started going to yoga classes, my best friend followed suit within weeks despite never showing any interest in yoga before.
Sure, friends influence each other. That’s normal.
But when it starts feeling like they are trying to live your life instead of their own, things start getting a little uncomfortable.
People often mimic those they admire or, in this case, envy.
If you see this pattern emerging, it could be a sign of secret envy.
3) They rarely celebrate your achievements
Theodore Roosevelt once said, “Comparison is the thief of joy.”
It’s a profound statement that rings true in many aspects of our lives, especially when it comes to friendships.
When you share good news about your achievements, does your best friend genuinely celebrate with you?
Or do they often downplay your success or change the subject quickly?
I recently got a promotion at work, and instead of being happy for me, my best friend just muttered a quick congratulations and swiftly changed the topic. It felt off.
Those who envy others might find it hard to celebrate their accomplishments.
It’s not usually out of malice but more out of an inability to suppress their feelings of envy.
If this is a recurring pattern, it might be a sign that your best friend secretly envies you.
4) They often play the victim card
People who feel envious are more likely to portray themselves as victims.
Ever noticed your best friend frequently complaining or making themselves out to be the victim in various situations?
It’s like they’re always on the receiving end of life’s unfairness, while you, according to them, seem to have it all easy.
I’ve experienced this with my best friend who often complains about her tough luck, subtly implying that I’ve had it easier in comparison.
It can be disconcerting.
This victim mentality might not directly indicate envy, but when coupled with other signs, it could be a red flag.
Envy can often make people feel like they’re constantly getting a raw deal while others are undeservedly fortunate. So keep an eye out for this behavior.
5) They seem overly competitive with you
Friendships often have a healthy dose of competition.
It’s fun and motivating, and it strengthens the bond. But when it crosses a line, it can become a sign of something deeper at play.
If your best friend seems to turn everything into a competition, it might be time to take note.
Are they always trying to one-up you in conversations or experiences? Does it feel like they’re always trying to outdo you rather than just enjoying the moment?
I’ll share my own experience here.
My best friend started turning our usual friendly banter into a full-blown competition, always trying to prove she was better at everything we did together.
This type of competitiveness often stems from feelings of envy.
The person envying you might feel compelled to prove their worth by outperforming you.
If you’re experiencing this in your friendship, it’s worth considering if envy might be at the root of it.
6) They rarely ask about your well-being
Friendship is about mutual care and concern. We ask about each other’s day, how we’re feeling, and share in each other’s joys and sorrows.
But what if your best friend rarely asks about your well-being? What if conversations are more about them or are focused on superficial topics?
I had a moment of realization when I noticed my best friend hardly ever asked me how I was doing.
Our conversations were mostly centered around her. This could be a sign of envy.
The envious person might find it challenging to show genuine concern for the person they envy because it forces them to acknowledge the other’s positive attributes or happiness.
If you notice this pattern, it could indicate that your best friend secretly envies you.
7) They give backhanded compliments
Compliments are supposed to make us feel good, right?
But there’s a certain kind of compliment that leaves you feeling unsure, maybe even a little stung – the backhanded compliment.
These are the compliments that come with a subtle dig.
Like when my best friend complimented my new hairstyle, but quickly added that it helped hide my large forehead.
These compliments don’t feel good because they aren’t meant to.
They’re usually a masked form of criticism, often used by people who are feeling envious.
Giving backhanded compliments is a way for an envious person to feel better about themselves by subtly putting others down.
If your best friend often gives you compliments that leave you feeling unsure, it could be another sign of their secret envy.
8) They seem unhappy with their own life
The most significant sign that your best friend might secretly envy you lies in their own dissatisfaction with their life.
Does your friend always seem discontented with what they have?
Do they constantly wish they had a different job, a different lifestyle, or different experiences – ones that mirror yours?
It was disheartening when I realized my best friend was perpetually dissatisfied with her life, and it often seemed like she wanted mine.
If your best friend always appears unhappy and seems to desire aspects of your life, it could be the strongest sign yet that they secretly envy you.
Reflections
Navigating the complexities of friendship isn’t always easy, especially when envy creeps into the picture.
If you’ve read this far, it’s likely you recognize some of these signs in your own relationship with your best friend.
This can be hard to digest, but remember, it’s not a reflection of your worth or the value you bring to the friendship.
It’s crucial to understand that envy is a human emotion.
We all experience it to some degree. It often stems from a place of insecurity or dissatisfaction with one’s own life.
Your best friend’s secret envy isn’t about you; it’s about them and their internal struggles.
Start by having an open and honest conversation with your friend, expressing your concerns without blame.
Communication is key in any relationship.
And if it feels right, encourage them to speak to a professional who can provide guidance and support.
A great starting point for finding a suitable mental health professional is the American Psychological Association.
It’s okay to prioritize your well-being and establish boundaries where needed.
After all, you can’t pour from an empty cup.
You deserve relationships that uplift you, respect you, and make you feel good about being you.
Navigating this might be challenging, but remember, each step you take towards understanding and resolution is a step towards healthier relationships and personal growth.