If someone constantly breaks promises, you know they’re unreliable. If they’re always letting you down, you know they lack commitment.

That’s basic human understanding.

But, like an iceberg, there’s often a lot more going on beneath the surface. The human psyche can be bewilderingly complex, requiring some extra effort to decipher what lies underneath.

Those who frequently break promises typically exhibit these eight worrying traits. And understanding them might just help you navigate the choppy waters of human relationships with a little more ease.

1) Lack of consideration

Ever been stood up? It sucks, right?

Being on the receiving end of a broken promise is like taking a punch to the gut. It leaves you winded, questioning your trust in others and even yourself.

People who constantly break promises often exhibit a troubling lack of consideration for others. It’s as if they’re oblivious to the impact of their actions, leaving a trail of disappointment and hurt feelings in their wake.

They forget that promises aren’t just words. They’re commitments, bonds of trust that are supposed to mean something.

But for the serial promise-breaker, these bonds seem to be superficial at best, easily discarded when they become inconvenient.

Understanding this trait can serve as a warning sign, helping you protect your emotional wellbeing from those who don’t value it as they should.

2) Disregard for time and effort

In my personal experience, I’ve been on the receiving end of this trait more often than I’d like to admit.

I remember a friend who would constantly make plans with me but cancel at the last minute. Every time, it was a different excuse – an unexpected task, an urgent meeting, a sudden illness. You name it, they had it.

What was most frustrating though, wasn’t just the broken promise, but the blatant disregard for my time and effort.

I would clear my schedule, pass up on other opportunities and even sometimes drive across town, only to receive a text message saying they couldn’t make it.

Unfortunately, this is a common trait amongst those who constantly break promises. They fail to comprehend or simply don’t care about the time, effort and resources others invest based on their word.

Recognizing this trait can save you from unnecessary frustration and wasted energy.

3) Evasion of responsibility

When push comes to shove, some people would rather dodge the bullet than face the music. This is especially true for habitual promise-breakers.

They often make grand promises with no real intention of fulfilling them. Why? Because it’s easier to say “Yes, I’ll do it” than to explain why they can’t or won’t.

In psychology, this is known as ‘social desirability bias‘ – the tendency of individuals to present themselves in a manner that will be viewed favorably by others.

It’s a form of evasion, a way to avoid responsibility while maintaining a positive image.

But the facade crumbles when the promises aren’t kept, leaving behind a trail of unfulfilled commitments and broken trust. Recognizing this trait can help you differentiate between genuine commitments and empty words.

4) Fear of confrontation

We’ve all been there – that uncomfortable moment when we have to face someone we’ve let down. It’s not easy, and for some, it’s downright terrifying.

Those who constantly break promises usually have an intense fear of confrontation. They’d rather break a promise than face the discomfort of admitting their inability or unwillingness to follow through.

So, they make a promise, fully aware that they may not be able to keep it, simply to avoid an uncomfortable conversation.

Unfortunately, this fear of confrontation only leads to more issues down the road, as broken promises pile up and trust is eroded.

Recognizing this trait can help you manage your expectations and avoid unnecessary disappointment.

5) Lack of self-discipline

In my journey of understanding human behavior, I’ve learned that self-discipline is a vital trait for keeping promises.

It’s the ability to control one’s feelings and overcome weaknesses. It’s about making the right choices, even when they’re not the easiest ones.

From what I’ve observed, those who constantly break promises often lack this self-discipline. They struggle to resist the allure of easier options, even if it means breaking their word.

I’ve seen it happen with commitments to simple things like meeting for coffee, to more serious matters like sticking to project deadlines. The lack of self-discipline is evident.

And while it’s easy to make excuses for them, understanding this trait is crucial in recognizing patterns of behavior and setting realistic expectations.

6) Desire to please

Ironically, some people break promises not out of malice, but a misguided desire to please. They say “yes” to everything, wanting to make others happy or avoid disappointing them.

They’re often the life of the party, always ready to help, always agreeing to requests. But their desire to please leads them to overcommit, and they end up juggling too many balls at once.

When they inevitably drop a few, promises are broken. It’s not because they meant harm; they simply bit off more than they could chew.

Understanding this trait could help us empathize with these individuals and guide them towards better commitment management.

7) Low self-esteem

Self-esteem plays a significant role in our ability to keep promises.

Those with high self-esteem value their word because they understand their worth. They know that when they make a promise, it reflects on their character and integrity.

On the other hand, individuals with low self-esteem often struggle to keep their promises. They may not see their commitments as valuable or believe they lack the capability to fulfill them.

This lack of belief in their own abilities can lead to a cycle of broken promises, further denting their self-esteem and confidence.

Recognizing this trait can help us approach such individuals with empathy and support, encouraging them to build their self-worth and trust in their abilities.

8) Inconsistent behavior

The most telling trait of all is inconsistent behavior. Those who constantly break promises are often unpredictable and unreliable. One day they’re fully committed, the next they’re nowhere to be found.

This inconsistency is a clear sign of instability, making it difficult to build trust or maintain healthy relationships. It’s like trying to build a house on shifting sands – no matter how hard you try, it just won’t stand firm.

Understanding this key trait can save you a world of frustration and heartache, helping you identify the red flags early on and navigate your relationships with greater wisdom and caution.

Reflections on trust and promises

If you’ve made it this far, you’ve delved into the complex world of promise-breaking and the troubling traits that often accompany it.

Remember, understanding these traits isn’t about labeling or blaming others. It’s about gaining insight into human behavior and using this knowledge to navigate our relationships more effectively.

Trust is a fragile thing. It takes time to build, but only a moment to shatter. And promises, they are the bricks and mortar of that trust.

In the words of Stephen Covey, “Trust is the glue of life. It’s the most essential ingredient in effective communication. It’s the foundational principle that holds all relationships.”

So, as you move forward, keep these insights in mind. Be aware of the commitments you make and those made to you. Recognize the value of a kept promise and the impact of a broken one.

In doing so, you’ll not only become more discerning but also contribute to building healthier and more trustworthy relationships.

Remember, it’s not just about understanding others; it’s also about understanding ourselves.