Picture our distant ancestors trading stories around a flickering fire. One hunter boasts about bagging the biggest mammoth, another flashes a necklace of shiny shells, and suddenly everyone’s deciding who sits closest to the flames.

Fast-forward 40,000 years and we’re still keeping score—only now the mammoth is a corner office, the shells are social-media followers, and the fire is whatever glows on your phone at 3 a.m.

Status gets a bad rap. We blame it for envy, burnout, and those cringe-inducing humble-brags. Yet journalist Will Storr, in his brilliant book The Status Game, argues that the craving to feel valued is hard-wired and, handled wisely, can actually make us kinder, braver, and more connected.

Ready to wield your inner status seeker for good instead of evil? Ok here we go.

Why your brain secretly loves the spotlight

Back in our hunter gatherer days, earning respect meant a warmer spot in the cave, tastier morsels by the fire, and reliable allies when a sabre-toothed tiger prowled nearby. Those who craved status had a survival edge—and they passed that “please like me” wiring straight down the genetic line to us.

Fast-forward to the MRI era, and we can literally watch that ancient mechanism at work. Whenever we receive praise or edge up a hierarchy, our brains release the feel-good chemicals dopamine and serotonin—the same reward cocktail that fires for chocolate, a favourite song, or an unexpected tax refund.

Hierarchies didn’t disappear with smartphones; they multiplied. These days we climb school grades, job titles, follower counts, and even Fitbit leaderboards. Every new arena is just another stage where that old evolutionary whisper urges us onward and upward.

The three status games (and how to spot yours)

Storr says we chase prestige in three broad ways—success, virtue, and popularity—and most of us dabble in all three.

Success games reward skill and achievement: promotions, medals, published novels. Played well, they fuel innovation and mastery; played badly, they end in burnout or scandalous shortcuts 

Virtue games honour moral worth: volunteering, activism, living zero-waste. At their finest they build trust and strong communities; at their worst they descend into moral grand-standing and Twitter pile-ons.

Popularity games revolve around likeability and charisma: class clown, office social butterfly, influencer with the perfect brunch flat-lay. When healthy, they weave social glue; when hollow, they trap us in endless validation loops.

The sweet spot? Diversification. If your entire identity hangs on a single scoreboard—say, your job title—one stumble can flatten your self-esteem. Spread your bets across at least two games, and you’ll feel sturdier and, ironically, more generous.

1. Ambition fuels mastery

Pursuing status through ambition can accelerate genuine mastery. The effort required to improve—hours of deliberate practice, steady feedback, and constant refinement—builds competence that casual interest rarely achieves.

Instead of asking how to impress others, focus on incremental gains: identify one skill and aim to improve it by even a small margin each day. Consistency over time turns ambition into tangible expertise.

2. Status knocks can build radical empathy

Experiencing status setbacks can deepen empathy. Events such as job losses, public criticism, or stalled projects remind us how vulnerability feels.

When we reflect on these moments rather than react defensively, we become more attuned to the challenges others face. This awareness fosters compassionate leadership and strengthens relationships.

3. Virtue games galvanise communities

Status also motivates community action when directed toward shared moral goals. People naturally respond to visible progress and cooperative challenges—whether measuring recycled materials, volunteer hours, or funds raised. Clear targets and public reporting turn individual virtue into collective momentum, benefiting both participants and the wider community.

4. Friendly rivalry turbo-charges innovation

A measured degree of rivalry encourages innovation. Teams that compare performance in a constructive way tend to push boundaries, generate new ideas, and maintain higher engagement. The key is to keep competition focused on learning and problem-solving, not on defeating or humiliating an opponent.

5. Clarity kills anxiety

Finally, defining personal benchmarks for success reduces anxiety. Ambiguous or shifting hierarchies create uncertainty, but establishing clear criteria—such as projects completed, books read, or clients served—grounds progress in metrics you control.

By concentrating on your own standards rather than external comparisons, status becomes a tool for growth rather than a source of chronic stress.

Consistent, deliberate practice is the foundation of genuine expertise. Studies on elite performers suggest that sustained, focused effort—often summarised as roughly 10,000 hours—underpins high achievement in disciplines ranging from concert piano to professional basketball.

Apply this principle to your own objectives. Select one skill, such as advancing your language proficiency or refining a recipe, and concentrate on improving it by roughly one percent each day.

For the coming week, replace the question “How can I impress others?” with “How can I improve slightly today?” This shift reduces performance pressure and supports steady progress.

Conclusion: play for progress, not applause

Status is a constant force in human behaviour. Because it is rooted in our biology, we cannot eliminate the desire for recognition, but we can decide whether it controls us or serves us. When we channel ambition toward developing expertise, acting with compassion, and celebrating collective success, everyone benefits.

For the coming week, keep a brief status journal. Over 48 hours, record situations that raise or lower your sense of status. Then complete one act of altruism without seeking any credit and note how this affects your mood and perspective. I welcome hearing what you discover.

If you would like structured support in directing your status drive toward personal growth and purpose, understanding the values that guide you and setting meaningful goals, consider my online program Reset Your Life Compass.

Ultimately, status is not about elevating yourself above others. It is about standing firmly in your own values and helping those around you do the same.