Growing older can be a time of rich experiences and deep connections, but for some, it can also be a lonely journey.

The signs of aging loneliness are often subtle and can easily be mistaken for something else. But for those who are observant, these signs become more apparent.

Just like there are telltale signs of someone being manipulative, there are also certain behaviors that indicate loneliness in older age.

Coming up is a list of 8 behaviors often exhibited by those who are lonely as they get older. These aren’t meant to be diagnostic, but they could offer you a better understanding and help you extend a hand to someone in need.

1) Increased solitude

Growing older can bring about many changes, and one of the most common ones is increased solitude.

As friends and loved ones pass away, move or become less mobile, many older adults find their social circles shrinking. This can lead to spending more time alone, which is not inherently negative, but can sometimes result in feelings of loneliness.

It’s important to note that there’s a difference between being alone and feeling lonely. Some people choose to be alone and enjoy their solitude. However, when the solitude is not by choice or becomes overwhelming, it can lead to feelings of isolation and loneliness.

This behavior of increased solitude is often a sign that an older person may be feeling lonely. It’s a subtle sign, but if you notice an older relative or friend spending more and more time alone, it might be worth reaching out to them.

2) Changes in communication

I’ve noticed that people who are lonely as they get older often experience changes in their communication behavior.

For instance, a family friend, Mary who was always a lively and talkative woman, started to become more quiet and withdrawn as she aged. At first, we thought this was just a normal part of aging, but we started to realize that her lack of communication was a sign of her feeling lonely.

She used to be the one initiating conversations, always asking about our lives and sharing stories from her past. But as time went on, she stopped reaching out as much. We’d have to initiate contact, and even then, her responses were often short and non-committal.

It was a subtle change at first, but it became more noticeable. The lively conversations we used to have turned into brief chats about the weather or her health.

This change in communication was one of the signs that Mary was experiencing loneliness. So we started visiting more often and encouraged her to share more about her thoughts and feelings. It’s not always easy to spot these signs, but being aware of them can help us support our loved ones as they navigate their later years.

3) Neglecting personal care

When people age, they may start to neglect their personal care, and this can be a sign of loneliness. This includes things like not maintaining personal hygiene, not eating properly, and letting living spaces become cluttered or dirty.

A study published in the Journal of Aging and Health found a strong correlation between loneliness and a decline in everyday activities such as bathing, dressing, and meal preparation. This might be due to a lack of motivation or energy resulting from feelings of loneliness.

So if you notice an older person in your life neglecting their personal care, it might be more than just laziness or forgetfulness. It could be a sign that they’re feeling lonely and isolated. Reach out, offer help, or simply spend time with them – it might make a world of difference in their life.

4) Loss of interest in hobbies

As people age, they sometimes lose interest in hobbies they once enjoyed. This could be due to physical limitations, but it can also be a sign of loneliness.

Hobbies often provide a sense of purpose and joy, and losing interest in them can indicate a person is losing interest in life due to feelings of loneliness or isolation.

So if you notice that your elderly neighbor has stopped tending to their garden, or your grandparent no longer seems interested in knitting or chess, it might be worth checking in on them.

A simple conversation could help them feel less alone. Or better yet, joining them in their hobby could not only help alleviate their feelings of loneliness but also rekindle their interest and joy in the activity.

5) Oversleeping or difficulty sleeping

Sleep patterns can tell us a lot about a person’s emotional wellbeing. We’ve all experienced sleepless nights due to stress or sadness, right? Well, loneliness in older age can also disrupt sleep patterns.

Some people who feel lonely might oversleep, using it as an escape from their feelings of isolation. On the other hand, loneliness can also lead to difficulty falling asleep or staying asleep.

If you notice that an older person in your life is sleeping more than usual or complaining about insomnia, it might be more than just age-related sleep changes. It could be a cry for companionship and connection.

It’s heartbreaking to think of someone lying awake at night, feeling alone in the world. So let’s pay closer attention to the elders in our lives. A phone call or a surprise visit could turn their sleepless nights into peaceful ones.

6) Unexplained health complaints

Sometimes, loneliness can manifest itself through physical symptoms. 

So if an older person in your life starts complaining about random aches and pains or other unexplained health issues, it might be worth considering whether loneliness is the root cause. It’s a reminder that our emotional health is just as important as our physical health, especially as we age.

7) Avoiding social interactions

One of the more obvious signs of loneliness in older people is avoiding social interactions. This could be declining invitations to family gatherings, not participating in community activities, or even avoiding phone calls.

This avoidance is often not because they don’t enjoy the company of others, but because they may feel disconnected or out of place. It’s a way of protecting themselves from feeling more lonely or isolated.

If you notice an older person in your life becoming more and more withdrawn, don’t dismiss it as them just “being old”. It could be a sign that they’re feeling lonely and need some extra care and attention.

Reaching out to them and making them feel included could help alleviate their loneliness and remind them that they are valued and loved.

8) They talk about feeling lonely

This might seem obvious, but it’s often overlooked. If an older person talks about feeling lonely, it’s more than likely they are.

Loneliness can be a difficult topic to bring up, especially for older people who may feel they should be strong and independent. So if they do open up about feeling lonely, it’s important to take them seriously.

This isn’t just about noticing signs or behaviors. It’s about listening and empathizing when someone expresses their loneliness. Giving them a safe space to open up and express their feelings can make all the difference in their life.

Final thoughts: It could be an opportunity

The complexities of human emotions and behaviors are often intertwined with our experiences and the world around us.

One such connection is the relationship between loneliness in older age and our ability to empathize and connect.

Research from the University of California, San Francisco, suggests that lonely individuals may be just as socially skilled as their non-lonely counterparts, if not more so. The study indicates that loneliness can actually heighten a person’s capacity for empathy, as they’re more attuned to social cues.

This isn’t to suggest that we should leave people in their loneliness. Far from it. But it does suggest that our interactions with lonely individuals, especially those who are older, can lead to deeper, more meaningful connections.

So if you notice signs of loneliness in an older person you know, consider it an opportunity. An opportunity to reach out, to connect on a deeper level, and to make a real difference in someone’s life.

Remember that we are all social creatures at heart, and everyone needs a sense of belonging and companionship. As we age, these connections become even more important. So let’s make an effort to reach out to the elderly people in our lives. Even if they seem fine on the surface, they might be yearning for some company.

Let’s keep our eyes open for these signs of loneliness and remember to extend a hand when we can. After all, one day we’ll be in their shoes and we’ll hope someone does the same for us.