I used to be an emotional sponge.

If someone I cared about was upset, I’d carry their emotions around like a backpack full of bricks. If someone didn’t agree with me or showed their annoyance to me, I’d spend days analysing what I said, what I did, and how I could fix it.

I used to have this deep, unspoken belief that managing other people’s emotional states was part of being a good friend, a good leader, a good person.

But over the years, through trial, error, and a lot of inner work, I began making a quiet shift. I stopped rushing in to fix, explain, or control other people’s emotions. I started allowing others to have their reactions—without letting those reactions dictate how I felt or responded. I was learning, slowly, to let people be who they are.

Then recently, I came across something from Mel Robbins that put a clear, powerful name to what I had begun to practise: the Let Them rule.

She puts it so simply:

“Let them.”
Let people feel what they feel. Let them think what they think. Let them make their own choices—even if you wouldn’t choose the same.

Mel’s message landed deeply. It wasn’t about becoming indifferent—it was about reclaiming your own emotional sovereignty. It’s not apathy. It’s freedom.

You’re not giving up on caring. You’re reclaiming your energy. You let others own their choices… so you can fully own yours.

For people like us, it feels radical

I’ve spent decades working in education—as a teacher, coach, and leader. I’ve supported people through everything from personal angst to corporate restructures. I’m wired to help. I’ve built a life and career on supporting others.

But over the years, I began to realise I was over-functioning.
Absorbing too much. Losing touch with my own energy in the process.

Someone venting for an hour? I’d take it all on. Someone angry with me? I’d apologise, explain, try to smooth it over.

Someone making repeated poor choices? I’d overcompensate, hoping they’d change. No wonder I was exhausted.

My turning point

I began to stop managing other people’s emotions and reactions. It helped me understand that letting go isn’t giving up—it’s growing up.

And it gave me the space to revisit a quote that has been my emotional anchor for years:

“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”
– Viktor Frankl

That space is powerful. It’s where you reclaim your calm. Your clarity. Your sense of self. It ‘s the “Let Them” rule in action.

A real-life exampletle: old me vs. wiser me

Not that long ago, I was running a workshop when someone challenged me, quite forcefully, in front of the group. Old me would’ve tried to justify, defend, or “win them back.”

But instead, I paused.

I reminded myself: Let them. Let them have their reaction. I don’t need to change who I am or how I lead to soothe their discomfort.

Afterwards, a few participants came up and told me how calming my energy was. That’s the magic—you model emotional regulation, and others feel safe around you.

What letting them actually means

It doesn’t mean ignoring people. It means you:

• Let them have their process

• Let them be disappointed

• Let them disagree

• Let them not like you

And then you choose your response.

It’s not always easy

I still catch myself falling into old habits. Just recently, I received a message from someone who seemed a bit off with me. I could feel the guilt bubbling up. I wanted to respond immediately with a detailed explanation and apology.

But I paused. I said it to myself—“Let them.”

Let them feel what they need to feel. I don’t need to fix it. I need to stay grounded. I made a cup of tea and journaled instead.

Growth isn’t about being perfect. It’s about noticing and choosing differently.

Try this 5-step practice for the next 7 days

1. Notice when you feel the urge to fix, please, or manage someone else’s emotions.

2. Pause. Just take one deep breath.

3. Say to yourself: “Let them.”

4. Ask: “What do I need right now?”

5. Respond from that place. 

Final thoughts: This is the real work of emotional freedom

Emotional maturity isn’t about being detached. It’s about being connected—to yourself. You can love and care and still have boundaries.

You can listen without fixing. You can disagree without guilt.

When you stop taking on what isn’t yours to carry, you create space to become more fully you.

And that’s where freedom begins.

Want to go deeper?

If this article resonated with you, you’ll love my online course. Reset Your Life Compass. It’s a self-coaching journey designed to help you:

• Tune in to what really matters

• Set strong, healthy boundaries

• Rebuild your energy and clarity

• Create a life that aligns with your values

Because you deserve to thrive—not just survive!