We all like to think we’d live without regrets. But when I started asking people over 60 what they’d do differently if they could go back, the responses were remarkably similar — and deeply human.

Their reflections weren’t really about missed chances or big mistakes. They were about clarity — the kind that only comes with age, experience, and hindsight. And what’s fascinating is how closely these insights align with what science and neuroscience tell us about living a fulfilling, meaningful life.

Here’s what came up most often — and what we can all learn from it.

1. “I wish I hadn’t waited to start living for myself.”

Many people said they spent too many years living by other people’s rules — doing what was expected of them rather than what felt true to who they were.

For decades, they prioritised careers, family obligations, and social roles, often pushing their own needs and passions to the side. As one woman told me, “I was so busy being who everyone else needed me to be that I forgot who I was.”

It’s not surprising. Neuroscience shows that the brain’s reward circuitry is wired to seek approval. When we get social validation — a compliment, a promotion, or even a “well done” — our brain releases dopamine, the feel-good neurotransmitter. But over time, that constant external focus can drown out our internal compass.

The good news? It’s never too late to tune back in. One small way to begin is to ask yourself, “What’s one thing I’d love to do if I stopped worrying what others think?”

It might be something small — painting again, joining a hiking group, learning to speak French (something I’ve recently started doing myself after years of being rusty). Living for yourself doesn’t mean shutting others out. It means remembering that your happiness matters too.

2. “I’d have taken more risks — even small ones.”

When people talked about what they’d change, there was a quiet ache in their voices as they mentioned the opportunities they’d passed up. “I should have taken that job overseas,” one man said. “Or at least travelled more when I could.”

Many admitted they’d played it too safe — waiting for the “right time” that never came.

From a neuroscience perspective, that makes perfect sense. Our brains are hardwired for safety. The amygdala — the brain’s threat detector — lights up at any hint of uncertainty. But as researchers have discovered, novelty and challenge are essential for keeping the brain healthy. They stimulate dopamine and norepinephrine, chemicals that sharpen focus, improve learning, and boost motivation.

In other words, taking risks — even small, manageable ones — keeps you alive and engaged. It doesn’t have to be skydiving or selling everything to travel the world. It could be signing up for a class, speaking your truth more often, or finally starting that creative project you’ve been putting off.

The question isn’t “What if I fail?” but “What if I never try?”

3. “I would’ve paid more attention to my health earlier.”

Almost everyone I spoke with said some version of this. “I wish I’d looked after myself sooner.”

In our 40s and 50s, it’s easy to think we can get away with poor sleep, high stress, and skipping exercise. But the effects compound over time — not just physically, but cognitively.

Neuroscience now confirms that what we do every day shapes the structure and function of our brain. Regular movement boosts blood flow, supports neuroplasticity (the brain’s ability to adapt), and improves memory. Sleep, meanwhile, acts like an overnight cleanse, clearing out toxins that build up during the day.

But here’s the hopeful part: neuroplasticity doesn’t end with youth. Even in later life, our brains can rewire and rejuvenate through small, consistent changes. Walking, stretching, strength training, and mindfulness are all proven to enhance brain health.

The takeaway? You don’t have to overhaul your entire lifestyle. Start small — move your body every day, spend time outdoors, and prioritise rest. Tiny steps compound into lasting change.

4. “I wish I’d spent more time with people who really mattered.”

This one came up again and again. People said they wished they’d spent less time pleasing everyone and more time with those who genuinely cared for them.

The famous Harvard Study of Adult Development, which has followed participants for over 80 years, found that the biggest predictor of happiness and longevity isn’t wealth or success — it’s the quality of our relationships.

From a neuroscience point of view, this makes perfect sense. When we feel connected and supported, our brain releases oxytocin, the “bonding hormone,” which lowers stress and inflammation while increasing feelings of trust and calm.

Strong relationships literally protect your brain. Social interaction stimulates neural pathways involved in empathy, memory, and problem-solving. Loneliness, on the other hand, activates the same regions as physical pain.

So, it’s worth asking: Who brings warmth and energy into your life? Who drains it? The answer can guide how you spend your precious time — and with whom.

5. “I’d have planned my next chapter sooner.”

This was perhaps the most repeated insight. So many people said they drifted into retirement or semi-retirement without a clear idea of what they wanted. The sudden loss of structure and purpose caught them off guard.

“I thought retirement would be all freedom and relaxation,” one man said. “But after a few months, I felt flat. I’d lost my sense of direction.”

It’s a common experience — and one I see often in my work. Without intention, it’s easy to drift. But when you design your next chapter with purpose, everything changes.

Purpose isn’t just a nice idea. Neuroscience shows that having goals and a sense of direction activates the brain’s reward system, releasing dopamine and serotonin — chemicals linked to motivation, satisfaction, and wellbeing. Purpose quite literally fuels the brain.

That’s why I created A Guide to Thriving in Your Retirement Years — a free, evidence-based resource to help you reflect on where you are now, where you want to be, and how to design your next chapter around meaning, purpose, and joy.

It walks you through the three key phases of transition, helps you navigate the emotional shifts of retirement, and gives you reflection exercises to create a vision for the life you truly want.

You can download it here — and start shaping your next chapter today, rather than waiting for it to “just happen.”

 

Final thoughts: it’s never too late to rewrite your story

If there’s one thing I’ve learned from these conversations, it’s that it’s never too late to begin again.

Science confirms it: our brains stay adaptable throughout life. Every new thought, habit, or connection can create new neural pathways. The power to change, to grow, to live more intentionally — it’s always within reach.

So take a moment to reflect: What would you do differently if you could? And more importantly, what can you do differently now?

As C.S. Lewis said, “You can’t go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending.”

Your next chapter is waiting. Download A Guide to Thriving in Your Retirement Years, and start designing it — your way.