The other morning I was standing in line at my neighborhood coffee shop when someone pushed past me without a word.

No “excuse me.”

No acknowledgment at all.

Just a shoulder brushing mine as they reached for the sugar packets.

A decade ago, this would have been unusual enough to warrant a raised eyebrow or even a confrontation.

Now it happens so often that I barely register it anymore.

Except I do register it.

Being highly sensitive to my surroundings means I notice these small erosions of social courtesy that others might miss.

I see them accumulating like dust in corners, changing the texture of our daily interactions in ways we don’t fully grasp.

1) The invisible shift happening right in front of us

Social psychologists have been tracking this phenomenon for years now.

The small verbal acknowledgments that once smoothed our public interactions have been steadily disappearing.

“Excuse me” when passing someone in a narrow aisle.

“Pardon me” when reaching across someone’s space.

“Sorry” when accidentally bumping into a stranger.

These phrases haven’t just become less common.

In many urban environments, they’ve become almost extinct.

Sociolinguistic research shows that verbal politeness markers in public spaces have shifted in recent decades, reflecting broader cultural and generational changes in communication norms.

The study tracked thousands of interactions in public spaces across major cities.

What they discovered was striking: younger generations especially have developed entirely different navigation strategies for shared spaces.

Instead of verbal cues, they rely on what researchers call “assumed flow” – the expectation that everyone will naturally adjust their movements without explicit communication.

2) Why your brain notices what others miss

If you’ve been picking up on this shift, there’s a reason.

Your brain is likely more attuned to social reciprocity than the average person’s.

Psychologist Dr. Elaine Aron’s work on sensory processing sensitivity shows that about 20% of the population has nervous systems that pick up on subtle environmental changes others overlook.

We’re the ones who notice when the energy in a room shifts.

When someone’s mood changes.

When social norms begin to erode.

This heightened awareness isn’t just about being sensitive.

It’s about having a brain that processes social information more deeply.

We unconsciously track patterns, notice deviations, and feel the impact of these changes in our bodies.

That slight tension you feel when someone doesn’t acknowledge your presence?

That’s your nervous system registering a break in the social contract that has governed human interactions for millennia.

3) The technology factor we can’t ignore

I spend a lot of time in Manhattan cafes, watching how people move through space.

What I see consistently: heads down, eyes on screens, bodies on autopilot.

The average person checks their phone 96 times per day according to recent data.

That’s once every 10 minutes of waking life.

When your attention is fragmented this severely, the brain develops shortcuts.

Social niceties become cognitive overhead.

Why say “excuse me” when you can just squeeze past?

Why make eye contact when you can pretend you didn’t see someone?

MIT researcher Sherry Turkle has shown how digital devices fragment attention and intimacy, pulling people into divided states of focus and reshaping the way we connect with one another.

We’re physically present but psychologically elsewhere.

The small rituals of acknowledgment that once connected us require a type of presence we’re no longer practicing.

4) What this means for our collective wellbeing

Here’s what concerns me most: these micro-interactions matter more than we realize.

Brief exchanges with strangers – what sociologists call “weak tie interactions” – have been shown to significantly impact our sense of belonging and community.

A study from the University of British Columbia found that people who engaged in small polite exchanges with strangers reported:
• Higher levels of daily happiness
• Stronger sense of community connection
• Reduced feelings of urban alienation
• Better mood regulation throughout the day

When these interactions disappear, we lose more than just politeness.

We lose the invisible threads that weave us into a social fabric.

During my walks through different NYC neighborhoods, I’ve noticed how the absence of these courtesies creates a different kind of urban environment.

Colder.

More isolated.

Everyone moving through the same space but existing in parallel universes.

5) The cultural lens that changes everything

Western culture has always had an uneasy relationship with formal politeness.

We value efficiency over ritual, directness over ceremony.

But spend time in Japan, where saying “sumimasen” (excuse me) is still reflexive, and you feel the difference immediately.

The constant verbal acknowledgment of others’ presence creates a different quality of public space.

More connected.

More human.

In many Asian cultures, these verbal courtesies aren’t just nice-to-haves.

They’re understood as essential lubricants for social harmony.

The phrase itself matters less than the acknowledgment it represents: I see you, I recognize your space, I respect your presence.

We’ve convinced ourselves in the West that dropping these formalities makes us more authentic.

More real.

But what if we’re actually becoming less connected?

6) Reclaiming presence in a distracted world

I’ve made a conscious choice to swim against this tide.

When I’m out in the world, I put my phone away.

I make eye contact.

I say “excuse me” even when others don’t.

Not from a place of moral superiority, but from understanding what these small acts do for my own nervous system.

They ground me in the present moment.

They remind me that I’m sharing space with other human beings.

They create micro-moments of connection that accumulate into something larger.

The interesting thing?

When you consistently offer these courtesies, you often spark something in others.

A surprised smile.

A returned greeting.

A moment of mutual recognition that we’re all in this together.

Final thoughts

If you’ve been noticing the disappearance of “excuse me” and other social courtesies, trust that awareness.

You’re not being oversensitive or nostalgic.

You’re picking up on a genuine shift in how we navigate shared spaces and acknowledge each other’s humanity.

The question becomes: what do we do with this awareness?

Do we accept it as inevitable progress?

Or do we recognize it as a loss worth addressing?

Tomorrow, when you’re moving through the world, try an experiment.

Say “excuse me” when you pass someone.

Make eye contact when someone holds a door.

Offer the small courtesies that seem to be fading.

Notice what happens in your body.

Notice what happens in the space around you.

You might find that these tiny acts of presence create ripples larger than you expected.