As a human being, it’s natural to want to make others happy and to be liked.

However, constantly striving to please everyone can be draining and, ultimately, detrimental to our own mental health.

When you’re perpetually trying to keep everyone else content, you’re likely neglecting your own needs and desires.

This type of behaviour can lead to stress, burnout, and feelings of resentment.

As a psychologist, I’ve seen the transformative effects that occur when individuals make the decision to stop trying to please everyone.

In this article, I’ll share these eye-opening transformations, from an enhanced sense of self-worth to improved relationships.

I aim to enlighten you about the benefits of prioritising your own needs and happiness.

So get ready to embark on a journey towards a more self-fulfilled life.

1) Liberation from overcommitment

You know that feeling when your calendar is so packed with commitments that you barely have time to breathe?

That’s often the result of saying yes to everything and everyone.

When you stop trying to please every single person, a remarkable thing happens – your schedule opens up.

The constant stress of trying to meet every demand melts away, leaving you with more time and energy.

Suddenly, there’s space in your life for things you genuinely want to do.

Whether that’s pursuing a hobby, spending quality time with loved ones, or simply relaxing with a good book – it’s your call.

This liberation from overcommitment is one of the first and most noticeable benefits of ending the cycle of people-pleasing.

2) Improved self-esteem

When you’re constantly seeking approval from others, it’s easy to lose sight of your own worth.

You find yourself measuring your value based on other people’s opinions, which can lead to feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt.

But when you stop trying to please everyone, a shift occurs. You start to recognise that your worth isn’t tied to what others think of you. This can have a profound impact on your self-esteem.

Suddenly, you’re not second-guessing yourself or feeling the need to apologise for who you are.

Instead, you’re embracing your strengths, accepting your imperfections, and realising that you are enough just as you are.

3) Enhanced relationships

You may think that always being agreeable and accommodating would make your relationships stronger. However, the opposite is often true.

When you stop trying to please everyone, you start expressing your true feelings and opinions.

This honesty can actually deepen your relationships.

People appreciate authenticity. They want to know the real you, not a version of you that’s always trying to keep the peace or avoid conflict.

By expressing your thoughts and standing your ground when necessary, you show others that you respect yourself and your values.

So, paradoxically, the less you try to please others, the more likely you are to build stronger bonds.

4) Acknowledgement of your own needs

Here comes the raw truth: when you’re consumed with pleasing others, you’re likely ignoring your own needs.

And that’s not fair to you.

You work hard to make sure everyone else is happy, but what about your happiness? Your health? Your dreams and desires?

When you stop trying to please everyone, it’s like a veil is lifted. You start to see and acknowledge your own needs, which have been neglected for far too long.

You start to prioritize self-care, chase after your dreams, and do things that truly make you happy.

5) Compassion towards yourself

When you stop this endless pursuit of pleasing everyone, you start to cultivate a much-needed compassion towards yourself.

You begin to understand that it’s okay to make mistakes, to not be perfect.

After all, you’re only human.

You learn to treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding that you extend to others.

This self-compassion allows for personal growth and healing.

It’s like giving yourself a warm hug, acknowledging your efforts, and reminding yourself that it’s okay not to be everything for everyone.

6) Reclaiming your decision-making power

Remember the last time you wanted to see a particular movie, but everyone else wanted to see something else so you just went along?

Or that time you wanted Italian for dinner, but your friend was craving Thai, so you just shrugged and said, “Sure, Thai is fine.”

We’ve all been there, bending our preferences to accommodate others.

But when this becomes a pattern, we gradually lose our decision-making power. Our choices become dictated by others’ preferences.

When you stop trying to please everyone, you start reclaiming that power.

You realize that your preferences matter and it’s okay to voice them. It’s okay to choose the movie you want to see or the restaurant you want to eat at.

This might seem like a small change, but it’s incredibly empowering.

Making decisions based on your own preferences, big or small, helps in establishing your identity and asserting your presence.

7) Discovering the joy of saying ‘no’

Let’s face it, the word ‘no’ can feel like a foreign language when you’re used to pleasing everyone.

It might even feel a bit scary to utter. But once you start using it, you’ll uncover a surprising joy – the joy of saying ‘no’.

Saying ‘no’ to an invitation when you’d rather stay in and relax, saying ‘no’ to extra work when your plate is already full, saying ‘no’ to anything that doesn’t serve or align with your needs or values – it’s liberating!

It’s like discovering a secret weapon that allows you to protect your time, energy, and peace of mind.

And the best part?

The world doesn’t end when you say ‘no’. People understand. And if they don’t, well, that’s not on you.

8) Realization that you can’t control others’ reactions

You can’t control how others react or feel.

No matter how hard you try, no matter how much you bend over backwards, someone might still be unhappy or disappointed. And that’s not your fault.

When you stop trying to please everyone, you come to this hard realization.

But it’s also an empowering one. You understand that your responsibility is to your actions and attitudes, not people’s reactions to them.

So, stop walking on eggshells, stop second-guessing your every move worrying about others’ approval.

You’re not in this world to live up to everyone else’s expectations. Be true to yourself, act with kindness and integrity, and let others handle their reactions.

Embracing your authentic self

Here’s the most crucial point you need to remember: When you stop trying to please everyone, you start embracing your authentic self.

You’re no longer moulding yourself to fit others’ expectations or to gain their approval. Instead, you’re living life on your terms, being true to your beliefs, values, and desires.

You begin to love and accept yourself for who you are, not for who others want you to be.

You embrace your quirks, your passions, your strengths, and even your flaws.

This authenticity leads to a sense of fulfilment and happiness that no amount of people-pleasing can ever provide.

It’s the journey back to the core of who you are. It’s about embracing and celebrating your unique individuality.

As renowned psychologist Dr. Brene Brown once said, “Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others.”

Remember, there’s only one you in this world. Don’t hide behind a mask of people-pleasing. Let your true self shine!